Not Much Time Lately...

Hi Blogger Buddies!

Once I find a way out of this...I'll be posting more regularly...



Talk to you soon (I hope)...


Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Captain Oreo,

My initial response would be to choose invisibility...then to hide in the lab where they're making the time machine…then sneak onto it as needed. This is a rather sneaky response, I know…but the hypothetical question did not exclude this option. If, however, I wasn’t allowed to do this for whatever reason, then I think I’d choose the time travel and check out “the good old days” everybody’s always talking about…(I would prefer to do this while invisible though, so as not to affect history…and/or be killed. I guess I'd need to get shots too...I could be bringing back modern bacteria or other such stuff)…

Could one travel in time more than once or would one be ‘stranded’ in whatever era one chose to visit? It seems pretty tricky in the great film "12 Monkeys"...

Take care out there!

What Made Howard Stern Cry?

Hey Gang.

I hope all is well.

This is just going to be a short entry...It's getting late...



It would seem that a book made Howard Stern cry. Normally, he would have us believe that he’s incapable of feeling for another human being. He often makes fun of athletes and actors who happen to cry in a public situation. If it's captured on video or in audio format, he will make fun of it endlessly. He’s mocked retiring athletes such as Mike Schmidt and Mark Messier. He’s also made fun of Jon Stewart and Jimmy Kimmel because they cried while filming their respective programs. I think Stewart cried while discussing 9/11 and Kimmel cried when John Ritter died.
(Sadly most men are socialized to bottle up their feelings and to lash out at other men who 'slip' and show emotion or other forms of perceived 'weakness')...

Mike Schmidt (in case it's not obvious)...

Mark Messier...

Jon Stewart...

Jimmy Kimmel...

So I have to admit that it came as quite a shock to hear Stern admit that he was reading a book and that he started to cry. He happened to be traveling in an airplane that was experiencing turbulence at the time. The flight attendant asked him if everything was OK. He tried to explain that it was the book and she apparently rolled her eyes and pretended to believe him...It seemed that she thought he was scared the plane was gonna crash...

Anyway, the book is called "Marley & Me : Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog" ...(So it wasn't a human being that he was crying about). I guess the book is about relationships with those around you. Stern wrote a nice note to the author, John Grogan, to thank him for writing such a touching book. Surprisingly, no one made fun of Stern for revealing this.

Sometimes it takes courage to show your emotions and to be vulnerable...(especially in a room full of unforgiving guys with a history of being mean-spirited)...

That's it for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
They did a roast for Ralph a few weeks ago (and re-aired it on Presidents' Day) and they did one for Ronnie The Limo Driver yesterday. Quite funny! Artie was awesome yesterday! What a great way to start the day. Today Jon Stewart and Roger Ebert were on. They went without doing a commercial for well over an hour.

Post For A Monday Night

Hello out there!

Hopefully all is going well in your neck of the woods.

I went to a wedding last summer and the newlyweds left during the reception. To consummate their vows, I suppose. (Even though they’d been living together for like five years)…They called it something…can’t recall what…I asked my cousin the cop…He was out having a smoke and I went with him when the newlyweds came out. We jokingly asked where the hell they were going... They said, "We’re ------ing. It’s a tradition." They hopped in a limo and were gone. I looked at my cousin and asked what they said that was called. He said, “That’s fuckin’ bullshit is what that is.” He looked all serious when he said it, and I burst out laughing. We both laughed for a while. He seemed offended by this alleged 'tradition' in some way…but I said, "At least we get to leave now. " I’m the optimistic type sometimes.

My cousin is a pretty cool guy. He always wanted to be a police officer growing up. Since I'm an only child, he was like my older brother. We were together almost every day when we were kids. Once, when a tooth was loose, he took me behind the garage and punched it out for me. We used to play with guns and ride our bikes off ramps. We had cool toys and broke most of them together. There was one toy called Pulsar. He was allegedly indestructible...We managed to destroy him eventually! (Thanks to our dads' tools).

These days, I'm the proud godfather of his cute little daughter. (My cousin's, not Pulsar's). I promised that even though I'm not a religious guy, I will do what's best for her, should the need arise....hopefully it won't.

It's weird the different paths we take as we travel along in our lives. My cuz, 'the fuzz,' recently told me a story about how he had to pull his gun on a guy. We went to school with this fellow growing up, but he took a wrong path somewhere along the line...Anyway, my cousin had his gun aimed at the guy's chest 'cause he was brandishing a baseball bat and kept edging closer. He conveyed to me that he would have dropped this guy without remorse if he didn't stop when told to...and I believe him. Luckily, the guy realized it too and put the bat down. My cousin gave him fair warning and had the trigger pulled to the point where the next click would be lights out for bat boy (to call him Batman, even in jest, is an insult to the dedication it took Bruce Wayne to become Batman)...

My cuz is a pretty tough guy, but I know the little boy that grew up with me is in there too...It's still kinda weird that he woulda killed that guy no problem. The other day at my job, I almost got a pretty bad paper cut clearing a jam in one of the copiers...and then I got out of my chair pretty quickly and got a bit of a head rush...

Anyway...it's time for a...

Pop Quiz, Hotshot!

I saw this quiz on Poody's blog and then on beadinggalinms' blog.

Apparently I'm like Wesley Crusher according to the quiz.

A brilliant learner with a knack for almost everything, you choose to spend your efforts in the pursuit of travels that extend your own potential.

I'd better be on my way now, partners.

My main man, Beatdogg told me about this nonsense Henry Rollins had to deal with. Old Hank hates cops, but I think he'd like my cousin. (Cops made fun of Henry when his best friend was murdered, and joked that they were lovers)...If you're a Rollins fan or into freedom, then this might piss you off a bit...

Henry Rollins is Not an Islamist (click title for source article)

A paranoid passenger seated next to former Black Flag frontman Henry Rollins got nervous on a flight to Brisbane when he saw the rocker reading “Jihad: The Rise of Militant Islam in Central Asia”, a book about Islamic fundamentalists. The passenger contacted the authorities after the plane landed and Henry is now being investigated by the Australian government.

“Days later I received an e-mail from a woman who I guess figured out who I was and found me,” Rollins told PAGE SIX after his spoken-word show at Town Hall the other night. “I had been named a ‘person of interest.’ Basically, they get calls like this every five minutes, and I’m probably on the ‘who cares’ list, in that they’ll probably let me into the country again. But the fact that this guy could be that ignorant and call me in on this for a book . . . I was angry. Because of the fact that the guy wouldn’t confront me. I like confrontation. If I’ve offended you, let me know. Don’t call it in and not leave your name. I just think it’s pretty weak.”

Henry Rollins has several books and CDs out there. Personally, I like his spoken word and his books more than his music. He was also in the films "Johnny Mnemonic" , "Heat" and "Lost Highway"...

Beatdogg and I saw him do a spoken word performance in Waterloo (Ontario, Canada) and he changed our lives...for a few minutes anyway...

So remember to eat your vitamins and you too can be big and strong like Henry.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Hello out there.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Just in case you didn’t read the comments from the last post, that annoying prick who plays the Scottish spokesperson for Keith’s beer is in trouble…

For the past few mornings, while listening to the Stern show, there’s been an ad with an actor doing a bad Scottish brogue…I was thinking about addressing this phenomenon in a future post. I didn’t realize that today would be the day…(Thanks for the info, 8th Dwarf!)…

Basically, when Disney’s “Aladdin” came out, an Arab-American anti-defamation group came forward to express that the depiction of Arabs in the film was offensive in some way…Then, when “The Sopranos” came out, some Italian-Americans were less than pleased with the depiction of Italians as mobsters and thugs…Then there was “The Passion of the Christ” that upset some members of the Jewish community…There are a bunch of strange ads (in Canada at least) that depict Scots as raving maniacs with really shitty accents…My question is why don’t people of Scottish descent come forth and demand that there lineage not be ridiculed in this manner? Well, yesterday it was announced that the fuckwad who plays the “unruly Scot” in TV ads for Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale is in big trouble.



Check out the Toronto Star article for full details. It would seem that this guy was allegedly caught with a lot of child pornography. But there’s a positive side to this rather unfortunate situation:

“…the brewer was surprised to learn of the charges and has decided not to run any future television commercials featuring this actor until this information is confirmed….If it is confirmed that this is the actor in question, our commercials and further association with him will be terminated"…

I’m sorry to hear about the circumstances and I commiserate with all those affected…but I am overjoyed at the idea of not having to experience this guy’s nonsense any further…Apparently wishes can come true…

In other news, the consistently impressive and often hilarious Tyler Durden reported about Bruce Willis standing up for James Frey and speaking out against the great and powerful Oprah:

"Look at what happened to James Frey in the last two weeks. That's a great book and so is the follow-up book. And just because his publisher chose to say that these were memoirs, it took it out of being a work of fiction, a great work of fiction and very well-written, to this guy having to go be sucker-punched on 'Oprah' by one of the most powerful women in television just to grind her own ax about it. Hey, Oprah, You had President Clinton on your show, and if this [bleep] didn't lie about a couple of things, I'm going to set myself on fire right now."


There’s more in the link…Pretty ballsy of old Bruce, huh? I thought so when my pal Beatdogg directed me to Tyler Durden Wednesday. Thanks, Beatdogg. Anyway, yesterday on Stern, it was mentioned that Bruce did a bit of back-peddling…He said that he believes that Oprah does a lot of good for a lot of people…and that her book club is ‘important’…Et tu Brucey? I guess his publicist got to him or something…Oh well…

G. Gordon Liddy was on Stern yesterday morning with his son, who is a former Navy Seal…They discussed how Liddy had suggested the possibility of ‘neutralizing’ a columnist named Jack Anderson during the Nixon years…Some of the ideas:
Putting LSD on the handle of his car door…too random;
Aspirin Roulette: where they’d gain access to his medicine cabinet, then slip a cyanide pill into his aspirin bottle...this was also unpredictable and could take out the wrong person;
Another method was to ram his car on the traffic circle (on his studied, regular route to work) thereby flipping his vehicle and (ideally) killing him…
These methods don’t seem overly precise or guaranteed to render the target dead…but it’s still good to know that people are plotting the deaths (advocating an assassination) of others behind closed doors for the perceived greater good…

They joked about how close that guy came to being taken out and didn’t that maybe seem a bit extreme? Artie sarcastically chimed in with, “The man was exercising his right to free speech!”

Some random stuff:

There's a web site devoted to getting some unfortunate soul named Wade laid...check out GETWADELAID for more info. You can donate some cash so he can go to the Bunny Ranch, if you're feeling generous...

There's a DVD out there designed to give you company when you're drinking alone. It's called "Drinking with Steve" . It's basically a guy drinking on his couch to keep you company while you get loaded...

I was wondering what percentage of people who are anti-abortionists are in favour of capital punishment...I'm not really sure if there's a good way to quantify this information. I found this link and it seems to raise a few interesting points...

Willie Nelson recently released a song about gay cowboys. It was written a long time ago, but nobody wanted to touch it. Since gay is the new straight, and "Brokeback Mountain" is all the rage at the moment... "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)" made its debut on the Stern show on Tuesday...Mammas, it's OK to let your babies grow up to be cowboys...

Did you know that there's a film out there called "ATM City"? (ATM stands for Ass To Mouth...To quote Gary from the Stern show, "That's unhealthy"). The following link leads to a site that refers to the film and there are some pornographic images...So if you're not interested or find this kinda stuff gross or offensive, DON'T CLICK THIS link. (If curiosity got the better of you and you clicked it, and now you regret it...Don't blame me)...There are other great titles out there like "Interracial Hole Stretchers" and "Swallow My Pride" ...I'm not linking to these though...I was reminded of a scene from "Clerks" as Stern discussed some adult film titles a while ago...

Here's the "Clerks" scene:

[Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for?
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy...
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?

Are you still with me? Good...

My last random bit of info is "Survivor" -oriented. I liked the challenges last night. They still manage to keep it interesting each time. Anyway, there are some alleged nude pix of host Jeff Probst out there. This link is to a site that leads to them, if you're interested. If that's really him, then good for him. (The reason I 'had to' look these up was that a while back, it was all over the news for a few days...and some of the ladies at work insisted that I locate these pix for them...'cause they're not too internet savvy...So I found the pix fairly easily and made the mistake of telling one of the gals. Soon, there was a crowd of ladies crowding my cubicle to look at pix of a naked guy's junk. This experience was somewhat nightmarish. This one lady, let's call her Agnes, shocked the hell out of me. She took one look and cried, "Holy shit! Imagine sucking on that thing after it's been in your butt!" ~ She's apparently a big "ATM City" fan. Anyway, if you're wondering why I was looking this up at work...I'm not too sure...Like I said before, I can't seem to say no to people...If you're thinking of using this to get me fired, then let me thank you in advance...If I was to do something like this again, I would probably do it at someone else's workstation, then walk away as folks begin to swarm)...

Here's something funny, if I haven't lost you yet:
If you're ever bored, check out Monk E-Mail! It's minutes of fun!

Hopefully the content of this post didn't upset too many folks.
(Maybe I'm overcompensating for the roses and guinea pigs of the last one).

I think that should just about do it for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Victim of Love...

Hey gang.

If you've ever been in a studio audience during the taping of a show, you will notice that you'll laugh more than you would if you were in your living room watching it on TV...You just get caught up in the moment...Anyway, Lasagna and I agreed that we were OK with the dinner and the stuff we already got for each other. But today after work I thought I'd get her some flowers...despite the clichéd foolishness of it all. I was fully aware of the silliness of buying flowers today, but I let the moment get the better of me. I went to a flower shop that I go to from time to time...there was quite the line up, but I thought I'd join the other 'assholes' and embrace the consumer that lurks just below the surface (it's in all of us, I suppose...plus, I don't care what people say, girls like getting nice flowers...maybe not 'all' girls...but I knew Lasagna was working late tonight and not feeling so great lately)...

Anyway, I got her some roses and a little Beanie Baby Guinea Pig named Twitch. Since she loves ours so much...

Our Guinea Pig, Freddie is on the left...with Twitch on the right
and the roses...(We already had the cool vase)...

Lasagna liked the little surprise...and then she got me a beer...

That's all for now.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

We were playing with baby ferrets at a pet shop on the weekend. They were totally cute. We discussed getting two in the not-too-distant future...I still have a multi-level cage...somewhere...

Valentine's Day

Hi There.

I hope you're doing OK out there.

Lasagna and I had a fun weekend together. We had a nice dinner and watched "Just Like Heaven" (for her...it was OK ~ for a girl movie) and I got Howard Stern's "Private Parts" on DVD at the grocery store for $7.88!...I only had it on tape and was thinking about the upgrade...That was my movie pick. She liked it too, but said not to think that meant that she would listen to the radio show with me...(She doesn't like the way folks with diminished mental capacities are depicted on the show...and the treatment of women...So we agree to disagree. I don't like "The O.C." and "C.S.I." and she doesn't 'make me' watch them)...

Anyway, here's George Carlin's Valentine's Day entry on the calendar:

Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news.

It's a good idea...in theory...

Stern's show has been hilarious lately! Yesterday, resident pervert Richard Christy got a Brazilian wax job in his swim suit areas...Amazingly funny to listen to! Like a guy getting tasered...Check out more info on Stern's site, if you're interested...

Today they had a gal named Valentina Vaughn (in honour of Valentine's Day) and she's apparently a lot of fun...but I wouldn't refer to her as 'the marrying type'...if I had to categorize her...The following is a link to her site, but it's not suitable for work, or anyone under 18, I guess...valentinavaughn.com

That's it for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I Shall Return...

Hey gang.

Hopefully all is well where you are.

I haven't had a lot of time to visit Blogsville lately, but I'll be back soon.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

It's Gettin' Kinda Hectic

Hello out there!

I hope that all is well.

It's been so busy lately! Not much time to do fun stuff. Some people are able to extricate themselves from situations that they don't want to be in...I'm more the "Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!" type of guy. I can't seem to say no or to turn people away if they ask me for help...Basically, I worked all day Monday and then helped some University students with a project from 6pm to 12:30am (through work sort of)...I don't mind helping people, but I'm pretty tired...I missed "24"...I recorded it, but when I started watching it last night I passed out on the couch...

It’s day three for Stern’s official ‘visit’ to Canada. I say ‘visit’ because it’s only a matter of time before they drop his show again. There’s already a woman doing her best to get rid of him. She was featured on “Howard 100 News” on Monday saying that although it’s a pay service, the material is illegal in Canada…so she’s not sure why they’d allow him back on our airwaves. Holy shit! I wonder if this woman’s got anything better to do. Maybe help her community or something.

Today’s show was quite amazing. First they had Fred “The Elephant Boy” stop by for a visit. Then, they played “What’s My Secret?”…Basically a muscular guy came in. He had many tattoos, and he had a shaved head and handlebar mustache. Howard went first and asked if he was gay. The guy said no. Then Robin figured it out right away, saying that the guy used to be a woman. This was pretty shocking to everyone else. They asked a whole bunch of questions and it turns out that 'he', though legally sexually reassigned, still has a vagina. Cool huh? As it turns out ‘his’ name is Buck Angel, and ‘he’ is an adult film star. Howard contested that the vagina means that ‘he’ is still a woman. There was a brief exchange about that…Apparently Buck was a hot female model before the transformation. Howard said, “What a waste”…Then, Howard mentioned that since the female equipment was still intact, why not get Buck on the Sybian? And so another amazing radio program came to be. Buck mounted and they finally found Gary to operate the remote (he's always lurking nearby when it's a hot girl). He increased the speed and rotation until it got to 100%...maximum thrust…So Buck got off (both ways), and 'he' squirted! Some guys in the studio were going to throw up…Go to Howard Stern’s site for a pic (it’s censored…there’s no actual nudity on his site ‘cause it’s free access, I guess). Click this (it’s uncensored) if you’re having trouble staying awake at night…It may haunt you…It’s unsettling at the very least…Man, I was cracking up in the car on the way to work. It was so funny! They apologized to Buck, because they didn’t mean to be rude, but ‘he’ said it’s understandable…‘He’s’ an unusual specimen, to say the least.

Yesterday, Artie cracked me up. He’s gained a bit of weight and he’s sporting a big mustache…He said that this new look says, “I dare you to fuck me!” (His girlfriend, Dana, is apparently really nice and cute. She’s a teacher)…

They also discussed best drunken moments yesterday...Artie was the champ...He's had some good ones.

So the lessons here:

Find your niche, even if it means sexual reassignment.
Drinking excessively and an unkempt appearance are recipes for great moments of comedy.

(I'll be visiting all my pals' blogs tonight hopefully. Thanks for the comments!).

That's all for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
Spider Walk,
I'm not sure if I'll be posting a picture of myself any time soon...But you'll have to keep dropping by in case I change my mind...(I wonder if your idea of me is anything like the 'real' me)...

Another Long Post...(Sorry)

Hello everybody!

If you tried to access Blogger any time yesterday, you probably experienced all sorts of difficulties. It would seem that Blogger was down and I checked on Google to see what was going on… It seems that “significant hardware trouble” was to blame…

I hope that everyone was able to re-group and sort things out. I noticed that some of the blogs I visit regularly were doing funny things while I was able to access them…mostly comment numbers not corresponding with actual number of comments and I even saw a post disappear that was there earlier (Sherry’s)…

Your Money’s No Good Here

A brief glimpse into the future…Yesterday I took my car in for an oil change…While I was waiting, I did some shopping…I went back to get the car, but it wasn’t ready yet…This was Canadian Tire by the way…(A sorta lesser version of Home Depot with a better automotive section)…Anyway, I decided that I’d buy some more stuff while I was waiting…Then there was a power surge and the lights flickered. Emergency generators kicked in, but all registers were down and the sales associates were scrambling to hand-write receipts using pricing guns to scan the merch. I was going to pay using debit (Interac)…but no dice! I did have an emergency supply of US funds in my pocket and I asked one of the ladies who was frantically scanning and writing out receipts if they would take American money. She told me that she didn’t see why not…Hardly comforting…So I took my receipt and waited in line…I had a feeling it wasn’t gonna work out, but I tried to be positive…So I waited my turn, while people were scrambling as though under attack and trying to reload in time…I finally got to the register and told the pretty young lady with the nose ring that I had US funds…She looked stunned. She asked a “lifer” (who seemed grumbly) if they could take US funds. She grunted or something…as if she was amused, yet disgusted simultaneously… “We barely even have cash registers!” was all she said. The pretty girl apologized. She said I could leave the stuff I was gonna buy on the counter. I went to see how the old guy in Automotive was doing with my car…by the time I got to the other end of the store, they had regained full power, Interac and all. So I waited a few more minutes and then he called my name. I paid by Interac and went out to my car. Then I went back in and asked another cashier if everything was restored. She said yes, so I grabbed the stuff from the other counter and purchased it…Something similar happened once at the university library when all the computers went down. I was borrowing about 15 books at the time (this was before the internet had all the answers)…All hell broke loose…The library folks were busy writing out reference numbers and sweating…I think when the machines fail, we’re gonna be well and truly fucked…for a while at least…


In Other News

In the real world, Al "Grandpa Munster" Lewis died, Richie and Heather are splitsville...so are Lance and Sheryl...Mick Jagger is in better shape than I am...Paris Hilton's diaries are for sale...

Speaking of spoiled little bitches, apparently Jack Osbourne is an adrenaline junkie...Really? That's weird, 'cause he just seems like a lazy, doughy arrogant little man-child…with a rich dad...I can’t believe he actually beat a trained tai boxer…I wonder how much they paid the guy to take a dive…

I wrote the following when they re-aired Oprah's first interview with James Frey over the holidays, but didn't post it at the time because I thought it seemed petty and negative...So I filed it away:

Let’s make this loser who has lived his whole life up until now in a hedonistic fashion (under the guise of “addiction”) a millionaire…because he wrote about it and because Oprah says it’s OK…Fuck overcoming adversity. What about the guy who works hard his whole life for a fuckin’ watch? In all seriousness: Fuck you, James Frey.

If only I’d have fucked up my life so bad that I had “hit rock bottom”…then written about it, instead of trying to live up to expectations and “succeed”…maybe I could be Oprah’s sweetheart of the week too. It’s so funny because she mentioned how she’s so glad she chose the book because it’s “changing so many lives” and the online message board is being filled with comments…Way to go, O! You’re so great!

Frey had Oprah up all night though. I don't know if even Steadman can make that claim...

Look for James’ upcoming book, “How I Squandered My Million Little Dollars” …You’d like to think that he wrote the book to help others…but as he says, he’s not a good person…It’s like people hearing a song that they think was written for them…Like the guy in “Imagine” asking John Lennon if he wrote songs for him [I referenced this in an earlier post already]…We watch this James Frey guy visiting a woman in rehab, Sandy, and she says she’s never experienced someone who knows exactly what she’s going through…Perhaps I’m just jealous. Maybe I wanna be Oprah’s Best Selling sweetheart too. She could take me under her enormous wing…But sadly I’ve spent the better part of my years in college and university…then working…and all that other shit people are trained to do…[I know: Wah! Poor me…I said it was negative and petty]…

So the lesson here kids, is to fuck everything up. Do all the wrong things, hang with the wrong crowd, drop out of school, do drugs…The key is to stay alive and turn things around. Redemption; overcoming adversity…and remorse…definitely remorse. People seem to love talking about how they’ve been victimized or how they had to overcome some terrible situation.

Then there was the Larry King interview…Oprah made the call to back Frey in his time of need…According to the big O despite the small percentage of the book’s details that were inaccurate, the message was what really mattered…

Then I guess her lawyers or someone got to her and told her to do a “Tear the Ass Outta James Frey” show. Better than a clip show, I guess. I didn’t see the follow-up interview, but I got the rundown from a few sources…Oprah didn’t want to give the impression that the truth doesn’t matter. After all her reputation is on the line.

Oprah: I think you presented a false person.
Audience: (Applauds as though something important has occurred).

Under interrogation regarding the alleged root canals without novacaine:
James Frey:I’ve struggled with the idea of it…
Oprah: No. The lie of it!
Audience: (Thunderous applause).

This story has turned into the tale of how some bum who can spin a good yarn made The Great and Powerful Oprah look bad. “It’s difficult to talk to you because I really feel duped!” Poor rich Oprah...

I wonder if she’s still glad she chose him…
If you haven’t tired of reading about this guy and want to read some funny stuff, check out Jay Pinkerton’s Contested Pieces from Frey Memoir.

Anyway...I certainly did go on and on there...Sorry.


Valentine's Day

So Valentine's Day is fast approaching...What's everybody got planned? Personally, I find it hard to outdo some of the stuff I've done in the past. There's a guy I know who always gets annoyed whenever I do something nice for Lasagna. (I don't really go around telling people that stuff, but he always asks). He's the kind of guy that complains all the time and actually says the word "Sigh" more than anyone really should...I think he thinks that his wife will somehow find out and expect him to do more...I think that we should be nice all the time and not just wait for these consumer holidays to do nice stuff for people...(Yet I still go overboard at Christmas and Valentine's Day for some reason)...

If you've read this far...thanks.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

The UFC was pretty good.

Here Comes The Sun

Today’s tidbit from my George Carlin “Thought of the Day” calendar:

I’ve begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It’s there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There’s no mystery, no one asks for money, I don’t have to dress up, and there’s no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to “God” are answered at about the same 50-percent rate.

It’s something to think about.

I heard that someone is in the process of suing James Frey for about $10 Million for time invested in reading his book (and other made up nonsense like pain and suffering, hurt feelings, perennial victimization, a sense of entitlement to something not earned, etc.). So some guy e-mailed Howard Stern about how he’s going to sue the publishers of The Bible for a ridiculous amount of money…His argument was that he was led to believe that it was true his whole life and now he realizes that it’s fictional. (This guy was kidding though)...

Good luck to both of them anyway.

Thank the sun, or God, or whatever...it’s Friday!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
There's a UFC event tomorrow! Hooray for guys beating the hell out of eachother!

What Car Are You?

Well hello there.

I hope that you're doing well.

First I'd like to take a moment to thank my pal Ms. L for connecting me to a lot of my new blogger pals. I have seen a lot of my new Blogsville chums as a direct result of Ms. L's comments sections.

Now, I'd like to say that my new pal Kimber had a post called "If I was an Autobot..." that triggered all kinds of ideas just after I read it and tried it...

I was immediately reminded of the time when Homer Simpson designed that impractical car and did the voice-over for the ad:

"All my life I have searched for a car that feels a certain way ... powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball."

So below is what mine came up with:

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

I did a few modifications to the image though...

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz if you're interested...

While I was looking for the above quote, I happened upon the following site:

T.V. Monkeys: Monkeys on "The Simpsons"

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In other news, Stern's guests today were Jenna Jameson and Diddy...

Diddy was promoting a new cologne...(boring)...he followed Jenna, and was thoroughly impressed with what went down...

Jenna revealed that she had a little girl-on-girl action with the lovely Jenny McCarthy in Las Vegas...

Jenny had some sort of leakage in the tickle chair when she was on Stern's old show on September 23, 2005. (At the time she struck me as the sort of girl who'd be "Woo Hooing" the whole time she was banging the entire football team...a real "Girls Gone Wild" type)...

Anyway, Jenna was the first to use The Sybian...a product designed to please a woman sexually...that was given to Howard for his birthday last month. She kept her panties on though and there was no penetration, but it did the trick...Jenna mentioned that she's not into "degradation" (and I wonder if she's had sex with less people than Madonna to get to where she is today...possibly...if you just paused, then that's a testament to Madonna's...let's say... "looseness").

A photo from the Howard Stern site.

Diddy summed things up quite nicely by saying that it was, "A great day in radio and television history."

I would tend to agree. It's a difficult task to make five hours of talk radio per day interesting, yet Howard and his crew manage to do this most of the time.

That's all for now.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Um...Yeah...

Hello out there.

I hope that all is well wherever you are.

There was this post I was working on...but I decided to scrap it...

I wasn't going to post anything at all...but I've been seeing these things around lately and I didn't really know what to make of them:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Zambo!

1. Zambo is the last letter of the Greek alphabet.
2. The average human spends about 30 days during their life in zambo!
3. Zambo is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field.
4. The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only zambo!
5. American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating zambo from each salad served in first class!
6. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are zambo.
7. If you blow out all the candles on zambo with one breath, your wish will come true!
8. There are more than two hundred different kinds of zambo.
9. Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of zambo.
10. Zambo is born white; his pink feathers are caused by pigments in his typical diet of shrimp.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

So I entered "Zambo" and selected "him"...

Try it if you're interested. (Numbers 2 and 3 sound very uncomfortable...only numbers 7 and 10 are true, by the way)...

Did you know that there's a film from 1937 called "Sher-e-Jungle"? (It's also known as "Zambo the Apeman"~ A scientist transforms an ape-like monster into a man who begins to behave like Tarzan)...I've never seen it, but it sounds like it's not that good.

Dictionary.com describes zambo as \Zam"bo\, n.; pl. Zambos. [See Sambo.] The child of a mulatto and a negro; also, the child of an Indian and a negro; colloquially or humorously, a negro; a sambo.

Interesting...

I remember there was a question about the definition on a Social Studies test in the fifth grade and a girl wrote "The boy who sits three seats behind me"...The teacher, Mrs. S, told the class because the girl, Carol A., tried to change her answer when we got the tests back. Mrs. S said that she laughed about that answer with her husband the night before and that Carol should take her seat and be quiet. I'm pretty sure Mrs. S must be dead by now. She was pretty old, even then.

R.I.P. Mrs. S.

As for Carol, I can only hope that she married a rich guy who's soft in the head... All the best, Carol.

That's it for now.

Your Pal,

Zambo.




NEWS FLASH!

Howard Stern reported to be returning to Canadian airwaves
February 6, 2006.
Only a month late...Good thing I went through all that shit to get illegal satellite!
(I'd do it again though)...