Update...It's Been Too Long...

Hey Blog-a-maniacs!

Once again, I haven't been able to maintain a regular Blogging schedule...

I hope everybody's doing well out there......I've got a lot of catching up to do...again...

Things have been a bit tricky these days...I mean well, but I can't get to all the stuff I wanna do.

So what's been going on?

Hmmmm....

Well...how about another chimp attack?!? If you'd like more information, click this for another article...Yet another step toward the imminent ape uprising...(Thanks for the heads-up Gobbles and Beatdogg)...

In more simian news, I was given a tin of "Evil Monkey" chewing gum by a pal...

The tin I was given is shaped neater than the one pictured above, but
I'm too lazy to take a pic of it...I grabbed this one from the internet-a-ma-bob...

~~oOo~~

Jim Carrey's DNA and The UFC

Here's another thing that I've been keeping my eye on...There are two guys dominating the Ultimate Fighting Championship who kinda look a bit like funnyman Jim Carrey...I suspect some sort of genetic manipulation at play, but I have no proof yet...I've got a guy on the inside though (pictured below with Carrey)...

Below is the reigning UFC Middleweight Champion Rick Franklin...Can you see the resemblance? He's like a mesomorphic version of Mr. Carrey...Bigger, stronger, faster...

The heavyweight champ is Tim Silvia. He regained the title at the last UFC event a few weeks ago in a rather impressive fashion. He's more of an endomorphic version of Jim...with a touch of gigantism, at 6'8"...

Imagine, if you will, Jim Carrey taking a sip from one of Dr. Jekyll's infamous test tubes...Like Bugs...and Tweety...and Sylvester did in those great classic Warner Brothers cartoons...(pictured below)...

Anyway...check out more UFC action every Thursday night on SpikeTV...and the next Pay-Per-View event (UFC 60: HUGHES VS. GRACIE) is live on Saturday, May 24, 2006...

~~oOo~~

Thanks to my pal, Beatdogg for the link to this monkey punch video...

Beatdogg's also a huge Tool fan...He shared their latest album with me and mentioned a song called "Right In Two" that contains heavy monkey content...

"...Don't these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly old monkeys,
Wonders when you're bound to divide it...

...Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They make a club
And beat their brother..down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.
Repugnant IS THE CREATURE WHO WOULD SQUANDER THE ABILITY TO LIFT AN EYE TO HEAVEN CONSCIOUS OF THIS FLEETING TIME HERE
Cutting it all right in two..."

The song's pretty solid...Beats is gonna do a post about it...eventually...so stay tuned 'cause it'll be sweet, I'm sure...

~~oOo~~

And finally, my man Chico dropped by last Friday and the following pix are from a little impromptu photoshoot we did (Sorry ladies. Chico requested that I not post the nudes)...Note the "easy" button from Business Depot...It's my latest toy...(When you press it, it says: "That was easy!"...The more you do it, the funnier it is...Trust me. People seem to love this)...

Isn't he precious? All West Si-eede, 'n shit...

...and framed by an assortment of '70s deli meats...A variation on "The Timeless Art of Seduction" ...

So that's all I got for right now.

I'll try to keep regular...and post more...

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for those stars.

Take care out there!

'Til next time...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Post-Easter Post...

Hey Gang.

I hope everybody had a nice weekend. Hopefully you didn’t eat too much chocolate…I got a cute chocolate Easter chimp a little while ago, but I can’t bring myself to eat him yet…(I’m sure late one night, I’ll get him when he’s not looking. It'll be quick and painless. I promise)…

I was watching "Dirty Work" on the weekend, starring the always funny Norm MacDonald and the great Artie Lange.

Sam (Artie) and Mitch (Norm).

Mitch: Everything’s falling apart…Sam, do you remember how things were when we were young?
Sam: Yeah, it was great.
Mitch: Yeah, it was. I mean…I felt good about myself back then. You know, if somebody messed with me, no problem. I didn’t take crap from anybody. Now I’m in my 30s, I can’t hold a job. I go out with women I don’t even like. Worst of all, I take crap from absolutely everybody. Ah well…Things could be worse. I could’ve got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore.

I feel that way some days...except for the job part and the woman part...but it could be worse, I suppose. I got something from a Saigon whore once, but a shot cleared that right up...

I also watched the UFC 59 on Saturday night...(www.sherdog.com if the link doesn't work)...

I’ve been thinking of fighting a lot lately…I’ve been watching “Fight Club” pretty regularly and the UFC is in full effect ~ with the series starting up again and Saturday night's big event…It's kinda cool that these guys aspire to get a career where they get to beat on people regularly. I can't even remember the last time I beat on someone mercilessly...It was so long ago that the circumstances and smells have faded in my mind. Sure I've had a few entanglements in recent years, but nothing that would qualify as a beating or a "fight"...I think there's a part of us that longs for violence...What Johnny Cash referred to as "The Beast in Me" ...

~~~oOo~~~

In other news, there’s this scene in Napoleon Dynamite:

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

Well, I received an e-mail the other day of pix of a liger. I decided to check with Snopes to see if such a beast exists…I had a feeling it didn’t, but the pix looked rather convincing…

According to Snopes, The word liger, documented as entering the English language in 1938, describes a real feline, the offspring of a male lion and a female tiger. (The opposite case, the offspring of a male tiger and a female lion, is known as a tigon.)

Maybe Battlecat was a Liger...Here's a handy breeding chart if you're interested...

More news from the jungle...



Thanks to Gobbles for mentioning Cheeta. I looked into it and found some interesting information.

Apparently, he's the world's oldest chimp and he now resides in a Primate Sanctuary where he lives a good life and paints...

I learned that chimpanzees rarely act beyond the age of ten because they become less manageable and less willing to follow directions. When the chimpanzees are retired, many of them are sold into biomedical research. [Wouldn’t it be cool if they did that with some of the modern “actors” we are forced to endure…singers too maybe, after 30]…Luckily Cheeta is flourishing in his surroundings...a bit like contemporary Tony Curtis...

Anyway, if you're interested in one of Cheeta's paintings, they're about $125 US and the proceeds go to the sanctuary. For a $25 donation, you get an autographed picture from Cheeta.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

IT'S LATE, BUT I WANTED TO POST SOMETHING...

Hey Gang.

I hope that all is going well out there.

I just thought I'd mention that I really like the film "Se7en"...It's one of those movies that gets better for me each time I watch it...I took some shots with the subtitles on...(If you've never seen it, what the hell are you waiting for?!?...Just kidding....I know it's not for everybody....but it's for me!)...Enjoy!

On the ride to the final scene...

... followed by...


Then when John Doe has the upper hand...

Later, when it all gets fucked up...

So next time the shit hits the fan, why not yell out:

"HOLY CHRIST, SOMEBODY CALL SOMEBODY!"?

...It might be fun...

~~~

This week's ape feature took place on MTV's "Wild Boyz" ...where the fellas trained with performing chimps at a Russian circus...(It's old but I just saw it)...The chimps were pretty cool and talented...

If you should hear about some Russian chimp wrangler getting mauled and/or castrated, it's probably because of this...

...so he kinda has it coming...

~~~

Also, your pal and mine Howard Stern is featured in this week's Entertainment Weekly...If you click this, you can read it online...if you're so inclined...Some of what he said in the article has been taken out of context by some branches of the media, (which illustrates that reading comprehension is key in everyday life too...So stay in school kids)...But controversy sells newspapers and magazines and radio subscriptions, etc...Stern loves being in the spotlight and thrives on disputes and embroilments...So don't worry. He'll be OK...

I think that's it for now...

Thanks for all the comments, Blogger Buddies!

I'm gonna make my rounds as soon as I can...and maybe I can help Nicki with her current fixation...when I have more time that is...

Here are some stickers you might like in the meantime...

Anyway, I'll see you around Blogville.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I'll Be Back Soon...

Forgive me Bloggers, for I have sinned...
It's been a week and a day since my last entry....

I'll be back though.

I've been pretty busy, but I can't discuss it, so don't ask...It's better for all concerned parties. Trust me...

Anyway, I hope you didn't miss me too much.

Thanks for all the comments and welcome to new visitors...
I'll have to make my rounds soon...

Take care out there!

Your Pal in the field.

Zambo.

P.S.
Check out some cool graffiti photos if you're bored...There are some neat chimps and gorillas in there too...

The Alphabetical Quiz...

My pal Lingo Slinger had requested that I "participate in this little soul bearing exercise"...So i did. (Unfortunately Blogger wasn't allowing me to post images tonight. Every time I tried to post one, it would replace my whole entry with the image...So I've done this about three times now)...So here we go...

Accent: My parents have accents. They’re from “the old country”…I guess I’d sound 'Canadian' to people not from around here…but not exceedingly.

Booze of choice: I like rum. I also like the occasional beer and ice wine now and then.

Chore I hate: I don’t particularly enjoy mowing the lawn…

Dog or cat: Dog I guess. But they require a significant commitment. Cats are more independent and aloof. Sometimes I think we should get a cat, given that we’re not home very much. We have also discussed getting a few ferrets…

Essential electronics: laptop, TV, iPod mini, SIRIUS satellite radio, digital camera, scanner, drawing tablet…

Favorite perfume(s): I use Polo Sport...cologne.

Gold or Silver: white gold.

Hometown: I affectionately refer to it as "where dreams go to die"…(It's a nice place to grow up and a good place to retire...but in between it lacks that certain something)...It’s somewhere in the Niagara Region. My parents still live there.

Insomnia: Yup. I have trouble going to bed at a reasonable hour. I need to exhaust myself completely so I can sleep. Also, I have so little ‘me’ time during the week, that I stay up as long as possible. (I also sleep with the wireless headphones...This "All Stern All the Time" is like crack...I think I may have a problem)...

Job Title: Hmm…I work with computers. Will 'Corporate Cog' suffice? To head office, I am Number 063479...

Kids: Nope…We go through phases where it seems like a good idea to breed…then other times we see evil children and think it’s a bad idea…

Living Arrangement: Lasagna…and her Guinea Pig, Freddie.

Most admired trait: In myself: creativity, I guess. In others: reliability, humour, intelligence, courtesy.

Number of Sexual Partners: 17, 542. (Does anyone ever answer this one honestly? That's kinda personal. Shouldn't it be more about quality than quantity anyway?)...

Overnight Hospital Stays: my birth. That’s the only time, but I don’t remember it.

Phobias: Failure and death…(When I was younger, I was fearless...now I'm scared of a lot of things)...

Quote: a quote I remember from the fifth grade is: “The smallest good deed is better than the greatest of intentions.” It was posted in our class room and it has stuck with me...

Religion: No thank you.

Siblings: Negatory. (I had a foster brother very briefly, but that didn’t take. He was a bit unstable, so we had to return him).

Time I wake up: 6:00 am to listen to Stern…Then I get up at about 7:00.

Unusual talent/skill: I asked Lasagna and she said that artistic ability is an unusual talent...but I squander it quite nicely...She laughed...It's true, but it still hurts to hear her say it. I can also retain a lot of useless information...(it's just enough to annoy others, but not enough to make me employable because of it)...

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Hot peppers. (I don't see the point, really).

Worst habit: I have a lot of vices…Let’s go with procrastination…

X-rays: only dental ones...

Yummy foods I make: various egg-related concoctions, Cobb salad, apple strudel.

Zodiac sign: Gemini. (Unless you mean the serial killer guy…in that case, it’s a circle with a cross through it…Blogger won't allow images at the moment)...

Sorry I didn't go into too much detail, but Blogger wasn't being very useful tonight...

(I saw that Ms. L. did this one too, so I got "Q" and "X" from her)...

Uhh...I guess I'd better rest up for a whole new week. The cycle repeats itself. Killing time between weekends...My pal Beatdogg was so right when we were discussing how we spend most of our waking hours...He said "Evolution mocks us!"...So true...That's a good one for "Q" too...

Anyway, have a great week, everybody!

Talk to you soon.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.