Hello out there.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Just in case you didn’t read the comments from the last post, that annoying prick who plays the Scottish spokesperson for Keith’s beer is in trouble…
For the past few mornings, while listening to the Stern show, there’s been an ad with an actor doing a bad Scottish brogue…I was thinking about addressing this phenomenon in a future post. I didn’t realize that today would be the day…(Thanks for the info, 8th Dwarf!)…
Basically, when Disney’s “Aladdin” came out, an Arab-American anti-defamation group came forward to express that the depiction of Arabs in the film was offensive in some way…Then, when “The Sopranos” came out, some Italian-Americans were less than pleased with the depiction of Italians as mobsters and thugs…Then there was “The Passion of the Christ” that upset some members of the Jewish community…There are a bunch of strange ads (in Canada at least) that depict Scots as raving maniacs with really shitty accents…My question is why don’t people of Scottish descent come forth and demand that there lineage not be ridiculed in this manner? Well, yesterday it was announced that the fuckwad who plays the “unruly Scot” in TV ads for Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale is in big trouble.
Check out the Toronto Star article for full details. It would seem that this guy was allegedly caught with a lot of child pornography. But there’s a positive side to this rather unfortunate situation:
“…the brewer was surprised to learn of the charges and has decided not to run any future television commercials featuring this actor until this information is confirmed….If it is confirmed that this is the actor in question, our commercials and further association with him will be terminated"…
I’m sorry to hear about the circumstances and I commiserate with all those affected…but I am overjoyed at the idea of not having to experience this guy’s nonsense any further…Apparently wishes can come true…
In other news, the consistently impressive and often hilarious Tyler Durden reported about Bruce Willis standing up for James Frey and speaking out against the great and powerful Oprah:
"Look at what happened to James Frey in the last two weeks. That's a great book and so is the follow-up book. And just because his publisher chose to say that these were memoirs, it took it out of being a work of fiction, a great work of fiction and very well-written, to this guy having to go be sucker-punched on 'Oprah' by one of the most powerful women in television just to grind her own ax about it. Hey, Oprah, You had President Clinton on your show, and if this [bleep] didn't lie about a couple of things, I'm going to set myself on fire right now."
There’s more in the link…Pretty ballsy of old Bruce, huh? I thought so when my pal Beatdogg directed me to Tyler Durden Wednesday. Thanks, Beatdogg. Anyway, yesterday on Stern, it was mentioned that Bruce did a bit of back-peddling…He said that he believes that Oprah does a lot of good for a lot of people…and that her book club is ‘important’…Et tu Brucey? I guess his publicist got to him or something…Oh well…
G. Gordon Liddy was on Stern yesterday morning with his son, who is a former Navy Seal…They discussed how Liddy had suggested the possibility of ‘neutralizing’ a columnist named Jack Anderson during the Nixon years…Some of the ideas:
Putting LSD on the handle of his car door…too random;
Aspirin Roulette: where they’d gain access to his medicine cabinet, then slip a cyanide pill into his aspirin bottle...this was also unpredictable and could take out the wrong person;
Another method was to ram his car on the traffic circle (on his studied, regular route to work) thereby flipping his vehicle and (ideally) killing him…
These methods don’t seem overly precise or guaranteed to render the target dead…but it’s still good to know that people are plotting the deaths (advocating an assassination) of others behind closed doors for the perceived greater good…
They joked about how close that guy came to being taken out and didn’t that maybe seem a bit extreme? Artie sarcastically chimed in with, “The man was exercising his right to free speech!”
Some random stuff:
There's a web site devoted to getting some unfortunate soul named Wade laid...check out GETWADELAID for more info. You can donate some cash so he can go to the Bunny Ranch, if you're feeling generous...
There's a DVD out there designed to give you company when you're drinking alone. It's called "Drinking with Steve" . It's basically a guy drinking on his couch to keep you company while you get loaded...
I was wondering what percentage of people who are anti-abortionists are in favour of capital punishment...I'm not really sure if there's a good way to quantify this information. I found this link and it seems to raise a few interesting points...
Willie Nelson recently released a song about gay cowboys. It was written a long time ago, but nobody wanted to touch it. Since gay is the new straight, and "Brokeback Mountain" is all the rage at the moment... "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)" made its debut on the Stern show on Tuesday...Mammas, it's OK to let your babies grow up to be cowboys...
Did you know that there's a film out there called "ATM City"? (ATM stands for Ass To Mouth...To quote Gary from the Stern show, "That's unhealthy"). The following link leads to a site that refers to the film and there are some pornographic images...So if you're not interested or find this kinda stuff gross or offensive, DON'T CLICK THIS link. (If curiosity got the better of you and you clicked it, and now you regret it...Don't blame me)...There are other great titles out there like "Interracial Hole Stretchers" and "Swallow My Pride" ...I'm not linking to these though...I was reminded of a scene from "Clerks" as Stern discussed some adult film titles a while ago...
Here's the "Clerks" scene:
[Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for?
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy...
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?
Are you still with me? Good...
My last random bit of info is "Survivor" -oriented. I liked the challenges last night. They still manage to keep it interesting each time. Anyway, there are some alleged nude pix of host Jeff Probst out there. This link is to a site that leads to them, if you're interested. If that's really him, then good for him. (The reason I 'had to' look these up was that a while back, it was all over the news for a few days...and some of the ladies at work insisted that I locate these pix for them...'cause they're not too internet savvy...So I found the pix fairly easily and made the mistake of telling one of the gals. Soon, there was a crowd of ladies crowding my cubicle to look at pix of a naked guy's junk. This experience was somewhat nightmarish. This one lady, let's call her Agnes, shocked the hell out of me. She took one look and cried, "Holy shit! Imagine sucking on that thing after it's been in your butt!" ~ She's apparently a big "ATM City" fan. Anyway, if you're wondering why I was looking this up at work...I'm not too sure...Like I said before, I can't seem to say no to people...If you're thinking of using this to get me fired, then let me thank you in advance...If I was to do something like this again, I would probably do it at someone else's workstation, then walk away as folks begin to swarm)...
Here's something funny, if I haven't lost you yet:
If you're ever bored, check out Monk E-Mail! It's minutes of fun!
Hopefully the content of this post didn't upset too many folks.
(Maybe I'm overcompensating for the roses and guinea pigs of the last one).
I think that should just about do it for now.
Take care out there!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Just in case you didn’t read the comments from the last post, that annoying prick who plays the Scottish spokesperson for Keith’s beer is in trouble…
For the past few mornings, while listening to the Stern show, there’s been an ad with an actor doing a bad Scottish brogue…I was thinking about addressing this phenomenon in a future post. I didn’t realize that today would be the day…(Thanks for the info, 8th Dwarf!)…
Basically, when Disney’s “Aladdin” came out, an Arab-American anti-defamation group came forward to express that the depiction of Arabs in the film was offensive in some way…Then, when “The Sopranos” came out, some Italian-Americans were less than pleased with the depiction of Italians as mobsters and thugs…Then there was “The Passion of the Christ” that upset some members of the Jewish community…There are a bunch of strange ads (in Canada at least) that depict Scots as raving maniacs with really shitty accents…My question is why don’t people of Scottish descent come forth and demand that there lineage not be ridiculed in this manner? Well, yesterday it was announced that the fuckwad who plays the “unruly Scot” in TV ads for Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale is in big trouble.
Check out the Toronto Star article for full details. It would seem that this guy was allegedly caught with a lot of child pornography. But there’s a positive side to this rather unfortunate situation:
“…the brewer was surprised to learn of the charges and has decided not to run any future television commercials featuring this actor until this information is confirmed….If it is confirmed that this is the actor in question, our commercials and further association with him will be terminated"…
I’m sorry to hear about the circumstances and I commiserate with all those affected…but I am overjoyed at the idea of not having to experience this guy’s nonsense any further…Apparently wishes can come true…
In other news, the consistently impressive and often hilarious Tyler Durden reported about Bruce Willis standing up for James Frey and speaking out against the great and powerful Oprah:
"Look at what happened to James Frey in the last two weeks. That's a great book and so is the follow-up book. And just because his publisher chose to say that these were memoirs, it took it out of being a work of fiction, a great work of fiction and very well-written, to this guy having to go be sucker-punched on 'Oprah' by one of the most powerful women in television just to grind her own ax about it. Hey, Oprah, You had President Clinton on your show, and if this [bleep] didn't lie about a couple of things, I'm going to set myself on fire right now."
There’s more in the link…Pretty ballsy of old Bruce, huh? I thought so when my pal Beatdogg directed me to Tyler Durden Wednesday. Thanks, Beatdogg. Anyway, yesterday on Stern, it was mentioned that Bruce did a bit of back-peddling…He said that he believes that Oprah does a lot of good for a lot of people…and that her book club is ‘important’…Et tu Brucey? I guess his publicist got to him or something…Oh well…
G. Gordon Liddy was on Stern yesterday morning with his son, who is a former Navy Seal…They discussed how Liddy had suggested the possibility of ‘neutralizing’ a columnist named Jack Anderson during the Nixon years…Some of the ideas:
Putting LSD on the handle of his car door…too random;
Aspirin Roulette: where they’d gain access to his medicine cabinet, then slip a cyanide pill into his aspirin bottle...this was also unpredictable and could take out the wrong person;
Another method was to ram his car on the traffic circle (on his studied, regular route to work) thereby flipping his vehicle and (ideally) killing him…
These methods don’t seem overly precise or guaranteed to render the target dead…but it’s still good to know that people are plotting the deaths (advocating an assassination) of others behind closed doors for the perceived greater good…
They joked about how close that guy came to being taken out and didn’t that maybe seem a bit extreme? Artie sarcastically chimed in with, “The man was exercising his right to free speech!”
Some random stuff:
There's a web site devoted to getting some unfortunate soul named Wade laid...check out GETWADELAID for more info. You can donate some cash so he can go to the Bunny Ranch, if you're feeling generous...
There's a DVD out there designed to give you company when you're drinking alone. It's called "Drinking with Steve" . It's basically a guy drinking on his couch to keep you company while you get loaded...
I was wondering what percentage of people who are anti-abortionists are in favour of capital punishment...I'm not really sure if there's a good way to quantify this information. I found this link and it seems to raise a few interesting points...
Willie Nelson recently released a song about gay cowboys. It was written a long time ago, but nobody wanted to touch it. Since gay is the new straight, and "Brokeback Mountain" is all the rage at the moment... "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)" made its debut on the Stern show on Tuesday...Mammas, it's OK to let your babies grow up to be cowboys...
Did you know that there's a film out there called "ATM City"? (ATM stands for Ass To Mouth...To quote Gary from the Stern show, "That's unhealthy"). The following link leads to a site that refers to the film and there are some pornographic images...So if you're not interested or find this kinda stuff gross or offensive, DON'T CLICK THIS link. (If curiosity got the better of you and you clicked it, and now you regret it...Don't blame me)...There are other great titles out there like "Interracial Hole Stretchers" and "Swallow My Pride" ...I'm not linking to these though...I was reminded of a scene from "Clerks" as Stern discussed some adult film titles a while ago...
Here's the "Clerks" scene:
[Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for?
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy...
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?
Are you still with me? Good...
My last random bit of info is "Survivor" -oriented. I liked the challenges last night. They still manage to keep it interesting each time. Anyway, there are some alleged nude pix of host Jeff Probst out there. This link is to a site that leads to them, if you're interested. If that's really him, then good for him. (The reason I 'had to' look these up was that a while back, it was all over the news for a few days...and some of the ladies at work insisted that I locate these pix for them...'cause they're not too internet savvy...So I found the pix fairly easily and made the mistake of telling one of the gals. Soon, there was a crowd of ladies crowding my cubicle to look at pix of a naked guy's junk. This experience was somewhat nightmarish. This one lady, let's call her Agnes, shocked the hell out of me. She took one look and cried, "Holy shit! Imagine sucking on that thing after it's been in your butt!" ~ She's apparently a big "ATM City" fan. Anyway, if you're wondering why I was looking this up at work...I'm not too sure...Like I said before, I can't seem to say no to people...If you're thinking of using this to get me fired, then let me thank you in advance...If I was to do something like this again, I would probably do it at someone else's workstation, then walk away as folks begin to swarm)...
Here's something funny, if I haven't lost you yet:
If you're ever bored, check out Monk E-Mail! It's minutes of fun!
Hopefully the content of this post didn't upset too many folks.
(Maybe I'm overcompensating for the roses and guinea pigs of the last one).
I think that should just about do it for now.
Take care out there!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
posted by Zambo at 11:52 PM
11 Comments:
good morning Zambo!
Interesting post..and quite a bit of news to catch up on.
We don't have any Scottish guys on tv here pitching much of anything. Well, maybe I have seen a used car commercial or something but not on national tv. While it is good you won't be forced to see him anymore, it is very sad the circunstances behind why.
I will catch up more later...
Have a great day Monkey Boy.
My Canadian's grandmother is scottish...I can only imagine what SHE has to say about those commercials! She lives in Ottowa so I bet she has seen them.
Thanks for the Monk link...I wasnt brave enough first thing this mornng for any of the others. I imagine lots of people would be fired if the computers were searched. They are so paraniod at our work that we are not allowed internet access although it would make our work faster and easier. *sigh* I need a new job....
That Liddy stuff is just plain creepy...and my hubby wonders why I am paraniod!! There is craziness out there!!
A great quote from one of the best movies ever.....
As for the Oprah/James Frey thingy, I've tired of it. It has become so much larger than needed. Oprah climbed too high on her hourse, and went into "protect the brand" mode, and the his publishers are making sure that their massive responsibility for the debacle is never the issue. Bah... in the end, The Oprah will still be queen, and Mr. Frey is still making money, so who really cares.
As Dante said, I'm not even supposed to be here today.
shit..i only made it about half way through this post right now...i WILL be back!! hehehe
Hello Blogger Buddies!
I had a moment of regret the minute I posted this one...I wasn't sure if maybe I had gone too far with some of the content...But then I decided to let it go and see what happens...(We were away for much of the weekend, so I sorta forgot about it...I drank a lot too)...
Anyway, thanks for the comments!
Keeks:
Enjoy your day off. Let us know what you buy with the money.
If you could get me fired, I'd give you a $30 'gratitude cheque'...(Just kidding...I love my job and everything/everyone associated with it)...
Spider Walk:
The commercial you made really cracked me up! (My agent will be in touch for my cut).
Mel:
I wonder what the Canadian's Scottish grandma thinks of that guy...
The internet at work is one of those tricky situations...and I would tend to agree about the craziness out there.
Sherry.
I hope you're feeling better soon.
Dirk:
Welcome!
I hear ya.
I'll try to avoid the whole Frey thing for a while (unless he kills himself or comes out of the closet)...A lady I work with lent me his book...I gotta see what all the fuss is about...without feeding the Oprah machine...
Lingo Slinger:
I'm glad you liked the joke.
I think you should look into any legal issues surrounding the t-shirt idea. It would probably be a big hit. (Speaking of hits, the Oprah could have you clipped though. She might get a G. Gordon Liddy-type on the case)...
Nicki:
I hope to see you back, little buddy!
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was a pretty good weekend, overall. We got a lot accomplished and had a lot of fun.
But alas, our old friend/nemesis Monday is fast approaching...Good thing I love my job so much or I don't know what I'd do...Luckily Howard Stern makes the morning drives bearable. (Did I mention that Stern will be taking Fridays off every now and then? Some people were upset, but it was explained that he goes from 6-11am and that his commercial blocks are only 3-5 minutes now...they used to be almost 20 minutes on 'regular, boring radio'...So we're still getting way more Stern from Monday to Thursday than we used to...They air a pretty good live wrap-up show with Gary Dell A’bate, Jump The Shark’s John Hein and Ralph Cirella) on the Fridays without Stern...
Anyway, that's all for right now.
So take care out there!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!! quite an interesting post Zambo...ehehehhehe its aaaaall good..i wonder..is that really the dude from survivor?? hmmmm...hahaha
Ooooh thank Christ for the end of those awful commercials!
Great post Zambo!
Welcome back, Nicki!
I'm not sure if that's actually him.
Hey Keeks.
My colleagues Captain Morgan, Johnny Walker, Jim Beam and John Labatt will be in touch with you soon...
Hey Ms. L.
I know. You've gotta wonder why/how a group of marketing execs would choose that guy and that theme to sell their product.
Time for bed soon.
Take care.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
Zambo,
You have to email me and tell me who this "Agnes" really is. I'm intrigued!
Also, how about compiling a list of commercials that use an insane, ranting Scotsman, or someone using a lame Scottish accent, as a pitchman? Here's a start:
1. Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale
2. "That's not oatmeal"
3. Money Mart (wasn't that the one with the myopic Scottish grandfather who raves, "You can judge a man by the size of his Sporan!" or something?)
4. Extra sugarfree gum, with claymation gum that inexplicably talks in a brogue
5. Those granola crunchy things that are "Huge!"
There must be tons more ... Add to these goddamned commercials a legion of humourless dicks who think they are funny because they can do a half-assed imitation of Mike Meyers doing one of his 15 scottish-themed characters, and you have an almost never-ending cavalcade of bad Scottish accents.
Regarding Wade?
With what he's collected I suggest that instead of going to the "ranch" -- he might want to invest in some hand soap and take a nice hot shower.
He'd still have money to spare (and that could be used to bribe a date).
How sad.
You think this stuff's really true?
Have a great week!
-R
Hey Gobbles.
Though I cannot reveal the identity of 'Agnes', I will say that you know him fairly well...
Your list covers the ones that immediately come to mind. It was the latest Heineken ad during Stern's shows that triggered my ultimate disappointment. I heard it again this morning...Stern's off for Presidents' Day...and all I could think of was how Mike Meyers was the catalyst for this mess...Then I thought of how, in an interview, Joe Rogan described Meyers as a ..."creepy little cocksucker" (regarding Phil Hartman's death and how Meyers tried to defend Hartman's wife...whatever her name was)...
Good luck with the launguages, buddy!
Hey Ra.
It's always nice to see you.
Of course this stuff's true! It's on the internet. It's gotta be true...right?
Take care of yourselves out there and have a terrific week!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
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