Pre-order Your Copy of Maddox's new Book!

Hey there.

If you don't know who Maddox is, he's really quite funny (if you're able to laugh at the stuff that we're not supposed to laugh at).

Check it out:

It's been described by Dan Berman as "So manly that even its sentences don't have periods"...

I've been asked to post something by my pal Lingo Slinger, so I will when I get more time.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
King Kong's available on DVD this week...as is the new Planet of the Apes: The Ultimate DVD Collection - With Ape Head Packaging ...

Tuesday's Gone With The Wind...

Hello Fellow Bloggers.

I hope all is well out there.

I'll start with the lyrics to Green Day's "Burnout" from their bust-out hit album "Dookie"...

I declare I don't care no more
I'm burning up and out and Growing bored
In my smoked out boring room
My hair is shagging in my eyes
Dragging my feet to hit the Street tonight
To drive along these shit
Town lights

(Chorus)
I'm not growing up,
I'm just burning out
And I stepped in line
To walk amongst the Dead

Oh apathy has rained on me
Now I'm feeling like aSoggy dream
So close to drowning but
I don't mind

I've lived inside this mental cave
Throw my emotions in the grave
Hell, who needs them anyway?

Chorus 2 x

De-e-ead

(guitar and drum action)

Chorus 2 x

(This is loosely connected to the last post regarding professional burnout)...

Anyway...some guy who worked at our building died several months ago and I still don't know who he was...I thought I knew who it was, based on a vague description...but then I saw that guy smoking outside a few weeks later. I was glad to see he was still alive...(Sad to see him smoking though)...but I was a little frustrated at not knowing who had died...like I was disconnected from my surroundings or something...

I'm beginning to wonder what would happen if I dropped dead in my cubicle...

I think a conversation something like this would occur:

Person A: "Did you hear about that guy who died in his cubicle?"
Person B: "Which guy was it?"
Person A: "Hmmm...I'm not sure...but I'd know him to see him, I think...I heard he choked on a cupcake"...
Person B: "What's for lunch in the caf today?"

Then I think that I should be doing all the things I ever wanted to do...instead of wasting my time working this soul-crushing job at the yawn factory…

In "Fight Club" there's a pretty intense scene that always gets me thinking :

Narrator: [Tyler steers the car into the opposite lane and accelerates] What are you doing?
Tyler Durden: Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?
Steph: Paint a self-portrait.
The Mechanic: Build a house.
Tyler Durden: [to Narrator] And you?
Narrator: I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!
Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!
Tyler Durden: Not good enough.

Anyway...I'd like to end on a more chipper note...

(The link is to an audio file of the poem...It's a bit questionable for work or kids...you decide)...

Here's "The Candy Bar Poem" by one of my childhood heroes, John "Dr. Dirty" Valby...I have several of his records...

One PAYDAY, MR. GOODBAR wanted a BIT O' HONEY. So he took his Miss HERSHEY behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of 5th AVENUE and CLARK where he there began to feel her MOUNDS. And that was an ALMOND JOY which definitely made his TOOSIE ROLL. He let out a SNICKER as he slipped his BUTTERFINGER up her KIT KAT which of course caused the MILKY WAY. She screamed "OH, HENRY!" as she squeezed his PETER, PAUL and ZAGNUTS and said "You're better than the 3MUSKETEERS!"

And since I just learned that Chef's death scene has been removed by YouTube...here's a different link, minus the cool Darth Vader ending...Sorry.

So that's all for right now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Professional Burnout and Other Stuff...

Hi gang.

I hope everybody had a great weekend. I'm getting ready for tonight's "Sopranos" episode. I hope something cool happens. We'll see...

So I was siting at my desk at work the other day and I was wondering if maybe I'm just plain burned out...So I looked it up online. I found a good link related to technical writers (and no...I'm not a technical writer) that started with:

Quick! Answer the following questions without putting a lot of thought into them. We want your instinctive, knee-jerk first response.

• Do you enjoy going to work each day?
• Are you excited about the projects you're working on?
• Do you look for excuses to be late, leave early, or be off altogether?
• Are you in a bad mood more often than not?
• Do you feel like you have control over your job?
• How long have you been feeling like this?

If you answered ……

• "No"
• "Not particularly"
• "Yes"
• "Yes"
• "No"
• "Can't even remember"

you may want to read the whole article called Dealing With Professional Burnout ...

I can totally relate to the constant interruptions and a continuous stream of last-minute projects given to you regardless of all the other projects and deadlines you're currently contending with (sometimes called “dump and run”) and how this can make an employee feel taken for granted.

So now that that's out of the way...

It would seem that Boston has a place known as "Monkey College" where little helper monkeys are trained to help folks with disabilities. My pal Beatdogg found this link and forwarded it to me. (Click the video if you have time. It's pretty cool). Has anyone seen George Romero's 1988 film "Monkey Shines"? It too was quite cool at the time...IMDb's plot summary as provided by David Carroll:

When Allan becomes a quadriplegic he loses all hope for living until he meets Ella - a monkey trained to fetch and carry for him around the house, obeying him in all things. But Ella is part of another experiment, and when she starts responding to Allan's underlying rage and frustration, she has the ability to carry ouy her master's darkest wishes.

(Pretty cool, huh?) I don't know if it has stood the test of time, but I remember really liking it when I first saw it, and on subsequent viewings...I looked for it today when I went to the mall, but couldn't find it...I may have to order it online...So, my video pick of the week is...

In other news, Peter Tamarkin, host of the game show "Press Your Luck" died along with his wife when their plane crashed a few weeks ago...I used to like that show. Remember the Whammies?

"No Whammies. No Whammies. Stop!"
"Oh no! A Whammy!"

Also, here's a link to the new Simpsons intro...with real actors as the animated family, if you're interested. (I think traffic's pretty high at the moment, but it should die down later)...

If that didn't work, try this one for the Scientology "South Park" episode that the Cruiser got Comedy Central not to re-air...and it seems to have led to Isaac Hayes quitting...

It's fairly old news, but I'm a bit behind these days...

Anyway, gotta go. "Sopranos" time soon!

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

This just in...If you wanna see how Chef dies on the show, click here. All I can say is amazing! Truly amazing! Thanks again to my man, Beatdogg. Best death scene ever!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICKI!

From Zambo.

A New Post...

Hello out there!

It's been a while since my last posting. I hope all is well!

"The Daily Show" recently did a story on the new methods of communication that we have at our disposal. The paradox of this communication technology is that it can connect us to people who are distant but it can separate us from those who are close to us, "creating new forms of social behaviour that blur the distinctions between online and real world interactions.”

My name is Zambo and I was a Blogaholic...For a while there, I was getting addicted to Blogsville, but lately I haven't had a lot of free time...

Anyway, we had Lasagna's niece stay over with us for the weekend and we went to Boston Pizza on Clifton Hill in Niagara Falls. We had pizza (Tropical Chicken) and then played games at the arcade in the basement. There were a lot of games that issue tickets which can be cashed in for various prizes. Normally, I like the first-person shooter games with the pseudo-realistic guns attached to them...but sadly they don't issue tickets. So I ended up playing this game where you drop a token into the slot and let it fall onto this spinning wheel. The object is to time it so that your token goes into a hole on the spinning wheel, thereby scoring 'bonus' points...So that game was like a ticket printing machine and we ended up getting enough tickets to cash in for Scooby-Doo (5000) seen below with a quarter on his nose to show scale...


Lasagna's niece got Scooby and we had enough tickets left over so I could get a monkey! (Seen on Scooby's neck below)...

Once we achieved our goal, the gals went on one of the rides there and I got to play Crisis Zone! (see below). It has a small machine gun and a foot pedal to reload and to hold up your shield...(in case you've never tried it)...The thing that sucks about this game though, is that when you clear all three levels the game is over and you can enter three initials...I came in sixth...Then the girls found me and we returned home to watch some "Looney Tunes".

Last night I noticed this episode summary...

Bart Has Two Mommies (HABF07)Airing: March 19thNed Flanders wins a new computer that features Susan Sarandon as the "You've Got Mail" voice and he offers it to Marge, as he has no use for it. In return, Marge babysits the Flanders children so that Ned can attend the Left-Handed Convention, where he meets New York Yankees pitcher Randy Johnson, who is selling left-handed teddy bears. With Marge spending so much time at The Flanders', Homer must look after Bart and Lisa. Homer takes the kids to an animal retirement home, but the trip goes awry when Toot-Toot the monkey pulls Bart into her cage and holds him hostage. Marge learns of the kidnapping when it is a breaking news report and she must figure out a way to get her son back.

It all ended up OK and the Chimp lady was reunited with her son, Mr. Teeny.

I enjoy "The War at Home" after "The Simpsons" ...

I also watched "Grey's Anatomy" and "The Sopranos" which were pretty good episodes...i wonder what's gonna happen with Tony.

Tonight the long-awaited return of "Prison Break" was on, followed by "The Apprentice" and then "24" ...Frankly, I'm spent. I got home at a few minutes to eight and managed to squeeze them all into my schedule as I got this post ready...I thought of an idea for a new show too (it's actually more of an SNL-type sketch). The basic idea is that it's a medical-type show, but the characters work exclusively on treating the casualties of "24" ...We never really get a chance to learn about the characters 'cause they're too busy treating victims and taking in bodies...It's just a thought...

Also, have you ever noticed that Paul Sr. from "American Chopper" bears a striking resemblance to The Cowardly Lion from "The Wizard of Oz"?

That's all for now.

I'll try to catch up with all my pals as soon as I can.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I've Been Tagged and I'm trying to Keep Up...

Hey There.

[spoken]
Damn, a hard day's rockin'.
Better slip off ma shoes.
Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend.
Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby.
Slip out this book: The Buttress of Windsor.
Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?

[sung]

That's the first thin' I say to you.
How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin',
Man I'd like to place my hand
upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.
And squee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eeze!

That's the intro from "Double Team" , by the amazing Tenacious D (pictured below...Congratulations to Jack Black who recently got married).

So, my good pal, Ra, has tagged me...

Here we go...

Four jobs you have had in your life:

1. Dishwasher;
2. Go-cart guy;
3. Mural Painter;
4. Shipper/Receiver at a major Department Store.

...and of course my current job: I'm a whore of sorts...but most of us are in our own special way, I guess...

Four movies that you would watch over and over:

1. Fight Club;
2. The Silence of The Lambs (which becomes a comedy the more times you view it);
3. Full Metal Jacket;
4. Pulp Fiction.

Four places you have lived:

1. My parents' house;
2. University residence;
3. A condo;
4. My current house.
(All in Canada).

Four TV shows you love to watch, currently:

1. The Sopranos;
2. Lost;
3. American Chopper;
4. The Batman (animated series).

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. England;
2. Cape Cod;
3. Mexico;
4. Vancouver.

Four websites I visit daily:

1. Blogspot (you're soaking in it);
2. Dictionary.com (Spelling is the key to success);
3. IMDb ('cause movie trivia is better than work most of the time...I kid of course...it's better all the time);
4. What Would Tyler Durden Do? (Even though he apparently doesn't like Jack Black).

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Pasta (all sorts);
2. Meats (Pork and chicken in most forms);
3. Most stuff that has no nutritional value;
4. Hostess cupcakes lately...

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. My bed;
2. The pool (summer time);
3. Somewhere warm, where no one knows me;
4. 1984. (I know it's more of a time than a place)...

Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond...

I won't specifically tag anyone in particular...but if you have time and would like to do this, please do...If you've already done this one, you can link to that blog entry in my comments section, if you'd like...

I was fiddling with my drawing tablet when I got home tonight...This image reflects that sometimes an ape needs to be left alone with his wireless headphones and a Hostess cupcake...

The structure in the above image is the CN Tower in Toronto. Most guys take about three minutes to locate it in the following picture...(when there's no red arrow)...

I am going to try to visit all my Blogger pals soon...These past few weeks have been pretty tricky...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
The "South Park" guys will be on Letterman next...I like them.
Vin Diesel was just on, and he usually seems pretty impressed with himself...Possibly because according to IMDb somebody paid him $11.5 Million to do "The Chronicles of Riddick"...I guess I'd be a douche bag too...

Stern on Letterman Tonight!

Hey Gang.

I hope everyone's doing their part to make the world a better place out there.

It's hard to be chipper when it's grey and rainy...but I'm trying, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard.

Anyway, I don't have much time to post right now, but I thought I'd mention that our pal Howard Stern will be on Letterman tonight to attack CBS' President Les Moonves (seen below with "Big Brother" host, Julie Chen)...who is suing Stern for for breach of contract and other nonsense...




My man in Amsterdam, Lo-Fi Samurai sent me this cool image...


Anyway, I'd better be on my way.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

I apologize in advance, but somebody sent me a pic as an e-mail attachment. The Subject was "Some idiot banged my car last night..." Now I've had some pretty bizarre thoughts over the years, but I don't think I would have ever thought of this one...All I can think to say is why? Let's say the guy's desperate...OK...but why the lingerie?

Maybe he liked that other "Crash" film...

Can You Dig It?

Greetings Blogsters.

I hope all is as it should be where you are.

My George Carlin calendar had this to say last weekend, March 4th and 5th:

"Sometimes when you're burying a guy alive, for a moment or two you start feeling sorry for him. And then it passes, and you keep shoveling."


This idea reminds me of that movie "Shallow Grave" ...A pretty good film, overall...Which serves to remind us that the best way for three people to keep a secret is if two are dead...(If you were planning on seeing it and feel that I've maybe ruined it for you...well, I haven't...and it came out in 1994!)...

That's about all I have to say about that.

Side Note:

As I was typing this, Jon Stewart just ran a clip that wasn't used at the Oscars...it was anti-King Kong and about how simian actors could potentially be replaced by CG (Computer-Generated) characters...The montage was allegedly paid for by PAAM (People Afraid of Angry Monkeys) ...He went on to mention the potential of a monkey uprising.

What do you think of that?

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

If you're bored, try this maze. See if you can identify the song at the end...It's sorta low so maybe turn up the volume...if you're interested.

This Week in Simians

Greetings Ape Fans!


I've been noticing lots of simian references these days...

The Oscar pre-show I was just watching did a video montage of apes in film...Unfortunately, they don't have the video on their site, but they have the list of clips they played...

Monkey Business

KING KONG (2005)
KING KONG (1933)
THE JUNGLE BOOK (1967)
EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE (1978)
JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (2001)
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE LACK PEARL (2003)
THE CIRCUS (1928)
PLANET OF THE APES (2001)
PLANET OF THE APES (1968)
ALADDIN (1992)
GORILLAS IN THE MIST (1988)
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
MONKEY BONE (2001)
GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE (1997)
DR. DOOLITTLE (1998)
GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF TARZAN (1984)
BUDDY (1997)
MONKEY BUSINESS (1952)
ZOOLANDER (2001)
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
MIGHTY JOE YOUNG (1998)
DR. DOOLITTLE (1998)
TARZAN AND HIS MATE (1934)
WIZARD OF OZ (1939)
BEDTIME FOR BONZO (1951)
ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE (1994)
CABARET (1972)
JUMANJI (1995)
EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE (1978)
KING KONG (2005)


Letterman had a few monkey references that I noticed last week...

Top 10 H&R Block Excuses...They messed up and were off by $32 Million on their own accounting...

Number 5. "Were testing the world's first accounting monkey"...

Also, if you go to this link, click on The 2006 Monkey Calling Champion(3/1/06)...It's pretty bizarre...but funny...

Then, I was catching up on the always entertaining and informative "What Would Tyler Durden Do?"

Anyway, there were two Jessica Simpson articles that had simian references...(He loves Jessica Simpson, by the way)...

The first one mocks Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine who is/was allegedly dating Jessica...

"...I would trust Adam Levine to rock about as much as I would trust a monkey in a cowboy suit to herd my cattle."

The second one mocks Jessica's ex-husband, Nick Lachey...

"...I would hardly consider cheating on Nick Lachey a character flaw. He looks like a caveman who found a bowflex and more people were killed by gorillas last year than bought a Nick Lachey album."

(These statistics shall change once the ape uprising is in full effect)...

Anyway, that's about it for tonight...Last night's UFC event was pretty good...USA vs. Canada...I was a bit disappointed in David Loiseau's performance, but at least he went the distance...He looked a bit like a mutant in "Total Recall" by the end...(Rich Franklin broke his hand on his face)...

Loiseau (left) being dominated by the Jim Carrey-looking Rich "Ace" Franklin.

In other stuff to report, my buddy Beatdoggie directed me to this link containing the ads for Volkswagen...So funny...Like a German Ali G, unpimpin' rides...

Anyway, I'm gonna try to sit through the Oscars to see how it goes...My folks came over for lunch today and we watched "Walk The Line" and they really enjoyed it...(Lasagna and I bought it yesterday...along with my new SIRIUS Sportster Replay Boombox)...

(It's pretty sweet!)

So...in closing I'd like to ask that you please hug a simian today. You'll both feel better.

(And you might be spared when they take over)...

Take care out there!

Good night and good luck...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Hello Out There!

I hope that all is well.

I thought I' d do a post of some stuff that has come up these days...

Apparently the highly addictive online game, "BOOKWORM" does not acknowledge "FUCKER" as a word...Oh well...What can you do?



I have watched "Interview With Orson Welles" (1960) several times in the last few months on the Independent Film Channel (IFC). I really like this guy. He's flawed, but he's smart and entertaining. I think that Brain from "Pinky and the Brain" is based on him...

I took the following pix of my TV while I watched the show...I hope you like them...





Here's a link to an outtake from a wine commercial (you'll have to scroll down a bit)...There's also a great radio ad out there, where he goes all prima donna on the engineer...They used to play it on Stern's show a lot...I will look for it when I have more time. (If you manage to find it, it's quite funny)...

Anyway, here's this week in fruit:

Fig Newtons:

It would seem that this is the most popular form of the fig in North America...

But I have noticed that not a lot of folks know much about...

Fresh Figs:

I grew up eating fresh figs, and I really enjoy them. They're one of my favourite fruits...Here's a shot of my pops' tree from last summer. (Some figs are purple and some are green...He grows the purple ones)...

The past few times we've gone shopping, I've been fortunate enough to find cases of figs! So last weekend I bought a case for my folks and one for myself (Lasagna doesn't like them as much as I do, so she says I should enjoy them)...

Bananas:

We also got some bananas. They were "Dole"...but they had another sticker on them this time...

Why it's Curious George! I guess it must be because the movie's out now...

Anyway, that's about it for the moment... By the time I got all these pix loaded and this thing all set up, it's now 1:00am...So I'd better get some rest. Big day tomorrow. Gonna take over the world...

So remember to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.