Do the chickens have large talons?

Hey kids.

We went to an aviary yesterday. It's called "Birds of the Lost Kingdom." It was pretty cool. (Much cooler than I thought it would be). The first section contains smaller caged birds...then there's the nocturnal creatures (no flash photography)...and finally there's an open space with a waterfall, where the birds fly all around you. Below are some pix of the birdies:

The waterfall (from behind)...

This little fella is called a Hunting Cissa from South East Asia...

This guy looks pre-historic...

On the way home, after Boston Pizza, I managed to get an ape involved in this post...

Talk to you later.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Chimp Attack Update

Greetings Ape Fans!

Remember the “disturbingly gruesome chimp attack” on that couple last March?

Well, the guy lived and he was interviewed on Good Morning America recently. Want the link? OK…Here it is.

He’s doing a lot better than I had imagined…According to an article dated March 8, 2005, he lost “…a nose, a cheek, an eye, his lips, a foot, all of his fingers, his testicles, and part of his buttocks to a disturbingly gruesome chimpanzee attack.” (In the video, he clearly has fingers…though not all of them).

That article also mentions that a policeman required $250,000 in medical treatment when Moe went apeshit while he was living with St. James and LaDonna Davis…That's what led to Moe being taken to the Animal Haven Ranch near Bakersfield in the first place.

Do you think that cop could have imagined what his day was going to be like that day?

I like that Mr. Davis was able to joke about the Eskimo kisses. That shows that he’s making some progress…His wife, however, didn’t seem all that amused by any of it…and their lawyer seemed pretty nice, huh?

So if you’re keeping score at home: Apes –2, Humans 1.85…

I think this is is one of the chimp assailants under the sheet.

St. James and Moe in the good old days, when he still had a profile...and nuts.

But What About Our Good Friend Oprah?

I don’t know how many of you watched Oprah yesterday…Her audience was composed of Katrina volunteer workers…She gave them each some of her favourite things.

Some of the gifts were pretty awesome! The guys in the audience were probably rolling their eyes at all the “girly” stuff at first…but then they seemed to cream their pants when they saw the new iPod, the Blackberry 7105T and the Sony VAIO FJ notebook…A lot of the things Oprah likes have pretty heavy-duty price tags…I couldn’t imagine spending $117 for a 6.5 gallon tin of popcorn, or how about “The Oprah Sweater” by Ralph Lauren for a mere $498…That’s reasonable, right? Or what about the somewhat unappealing watches ranging in price from $650 to $2500? And this one’s for Keeks: Oprah doesn’t normally wear fragrances, but she just had to add Sarah Jessica Parker’s “Lovely” to her list of must-have items…which retails for $62 per bottle…

I can see how adults could go all catatonic watching Oprah(the way hyper kids do with Teletubbies or Barney or whatever mass-hypnosis characters are marketable at the time)…As I was watching, Lasagna came in and started talking to me...I pointed at the TV, saying "Oprah"...She responded with, "I can't believe how much you like Oprah now" as she walked away...I thought about explaining myself, but decided not to...(I know that some might think that I behaved rudely...but it should be noted that it was also rude of little Lasagna to come in and disturb me while I was watchin' ma stories, while her show was on a commercial break...But we're good like that)...

I have to admit that I was captivated by all those gifts, interspersed with tales of the selfless actions of audience members to help out after Hurricane Katrina…So once again, Oprah did something really nice for her audience…who gave of themselves to help others in need…Not only does Oprah tell us what we should read, but now she is suggesting what we should buy, with Christmas just around the corner…I guess she must think that we all have what Letterman affectionately refers to as “Oprah Money”…Rumour has it that Oprah shall appear on Late Night With David Letterman on December 1st. That should be good. Though Dave’s lost a bit of his edge over the years, he’s still pretty sharp.

At the top of Oprah's web site, there's a button labelled: "Inside Oprah.com"...That kinda scares me...

Anyway, take it easy...

Remember that Beatles song from their White Album:

"Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey."

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I Had a Dream...

Hi gang.

The following is a synopsis of what I was originally going to write:

I want to start off by sharing the bizarre dream I had last night…The fellas and I watched the UFC main event and we ate a lot of pizza and had a few drinks…I like having my pals over, but I get a bit overzealous in my role of host…I want everything to be perfect even though I know that they don’t care about stuff like that…I think it’s something I got from my mother…Anyway, after a night of watching these combatants beat on each other, you’d think I’d have violent dreams, right? Nope…The boys left at about 2:30am, I think…After I cleaned up (if I had left it, Lasagna would no doubt clean it up in the morning…she can’t help herself…and I didn’t want to leave a mess)…I had to wind down a bit, ‘cause it gets pretty intense watching the fights…Like after watching a “Rocky” movie, guys get a little punchy…So anyway, it was about 4:00am when I finally went to bed…I went to the spare room, ‘cause I was pretty knackered, and knew I’d be snory and a touch gassy…

So here’s my dream:
I was on “The Apprentice” and we were asked to go to a naturally lit conference room. The task was that all the “artistic” contestants would sell their artwork for charity to see who could raise the most money…The rest would be hangers-on…like in “School of Rock”… where the kids with talent got to be in the band, and the rest were given other, menial tasks…I was walking around the table, looking for my work and wondering how much to sell it for…then I realized that none of my work was there…I couldn’t tell you exactly what the other art looked like, as it was drowned out by equal parts disappointment and rage…I had to see Mr. Trump immediately. There had been a dreadful oversight. I left the room and the volume on everything around me was turned way down…People may have been asking me where I was going, but nothing got through…I went to another conference room and knocked as I entered. The Donald was engaged in conversation with another man. I indicated that I needed to talk to him. He signaled to a big man standing behind him to “Take care of this” and continued talking to the businessman. The big man seemed kind and a natural at diffusing tricky situations. He asked me if I wouldn’t mind joining him in another room to discuss what was on my mind. He apologized, stating that Mr. Trump was very busy and that he’d convey my concerns to him later. This seemed to put me at ease. We went to the other room and I made my case. He asked me if I had any artwork to show him. I said not really. He asked if I was an artist. I told him that I was, but neither of us seemed really convinced. I began to realize that perhaps they made the right decision after all… I never consider anything “fit for public consumption” so I keep things to my self…nothing is ever “finished”…In fact, I haven’t really done any “artwork” in quite some time. I apologized and turned to walk away. It seemed like the man really cared…so it must have been a dream…Then I woke up with a bigger sense of dread than I usually do. I think that’s it.

(I know what it means…so don’t bother trying to explain it for me...just thought I'd share it for some reason).

I don’t usually remember my dreams. But I got an unusual six hours of sleep, so maybe my mind and body were better able to process this one. Too bad it wasn’t a sexy one. I can picture all the little people that make our body machines work, going crazy like in “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask”…the little guys are running around like the crewmen on the Titanic, trying to process the foods I’ve been eating and trying to get “the machine” to function efficiently on the little amount of sleep I get. Sorry little people…


Joaquin the Line

We saw “Walk the Line” today and it was quite good. Ebert briefly discusses the appeal of such biopics:

"Walk the Line" follows the story arc of many other musical biopics, maybe because many careers are the same: Hard times, obscurity, success, stardom, too much money, romantic adventures, drugs or booze, and then (if they survive) beating the addiction, finding love and reaching a more lasting stardom. That more or less describes last year's "Ray" but every time we see this story the characters change and so does the music, and that makes it new.

Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon give great performances in the film and when Phoenix sings “Ring of Fire”, he actually becomes Mr. Cash. Witherspoon is delightful in her portrayal of June Carter: cute, charming and funny…and she sings well too! She won me over during her last appearance on Oprah, where she exhibited many of the same qualities…but she is an actress. (It’s like saying that someone in management is a good person…You should qualify it with “for a manager”...If you're a manger, I'm sorry. On many levels)…

It’s been quite a while since we’ve gone to the movies…We used to average at least one a week, sometimes three at the theater…But my tolerance of others’ lack of courtesy often gets tested. The main times that my rage becomes almost uncontrollable is when I’m driving and when people disrupt my movie viewing experience. Today there were two young lads who entered just after the opening credits and took a while to settle down. They were several seats away, to our right. I let that slide though…I’m assuming the movie they actually paid to see just let out and they thought they could catch this one too. Then one of them got a call on his cell phone half way through the film with an irritating ~ and loud ~ ring tone. He answered it and lit up his area with the blue light of his phone…Then he proceeded to chat with his outdoor voice…I couldn’t make out exactly what he was saying, but it should have been something like, “When I woke up this morning I had no idea that the guy over there was going to beat me to death in front of my boyfriend”…So I gave him the death stare the whole time he was on the phone…Then he hung up and started talking to his friend…Suddenly our eyes met and I told him to shut up through clenched teeth…It seemed to work…and they left a few minutes later…I missed a few minutes of the film because of these guys…After the film, I asked Lasagna what she thought of it. She liked it too…Then I expressed my urge to “subdue” those guys and asked her if that was wrong of me…She said that I probably shouldn’t get so worked up…I guess they came in too late to see the announcement about turning off phones and pagers and to be courteous…Perhaps it’s a bit extreme to want to cause them bodily harm…but I’m allowed to imagine any scenario I want. I know that I wouldn’t actually hurt anybody for something like that, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind…Serenity now! Coincidentally, it was Johnny Cash who once said that although he’d never really killed anybody...that didn’t mean there weren’t people walking around who “needed killin’”…

Take it easy.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

CATCH STERN ON LETTERMAN TONIGHT!

You're Not Sirius...

Shitty news, citizens of Canada.

In "The Toronto Sun" today, it was mentioned that we won't be "allowed" to pay to listen to Howard Stern on Sirius Canada. Beatdogg thought we should protest, but I think it would be pointless.

I wonder how many people will be buying satellite radios only to realize that they won't be able to get Stern...I also wonder if anyone even cares...Maybe people are too busy watching "Corner Gas" or "Trailer Park Boys" or speaking with fake Scottish accents (for some reason)... to care.

If you've never seen this asshole, I envy you...

I may have to make a run for the border to try to figure a way around this...This news ruined my day... but if there's a way, I'll find it...or cry trying...

Below is the Sun article (outdated references and all) in case the link above doesn't work...(Sidney Crosby is a young hockey phenom )...

Stern can't beam here on radio

By JIM SLOTEK, TORONTO SUN

Space may be the final frontier for Howard Stern in the U.S., but Canada remains a no-fly zone.
The superstar American shock-jock becomes the king of satellite radio in the U.S. in January, courtesy of a $500-million deal with Sirius Satellite Radio.
But Sirius Canada, which plans to start beaming to your car and home before the end of this year, has no plans to include Stern and his no-holds-barred morning show that includes the likes of Stuttering John, Baba Booey and butt-bongo stunts.
Stern's show might be Sirius' biggest attraction in the U.S. His hardcore fan base is buying the service just to keep on hearing him.
So, Sirius Canada, isn't this like acquiring the Pittsburgh Penguins and deciding you don't need Sidney Crosby?
"Well, what if Sidney Crosby was going to be arrested and put in jail within two weeks?" said Gary Slaight, the CEO of Standard Broadcasting, which co-owns Sirius Canada along with the CBC.
"The CRTC, who we are licensed to, would eventually force us to take Stern down, because we have standards we have to abide by in this country when you own a broadcasting licence."
Conversely, satellite radio providers in the U.S. are not licensed by the American equivalent of the CRTC, the Federal Communications Commission, Slaight said, "so they can do whatever they want.
"When we applied for a licence, the CRTC pushed us about this," he said. "(Stern) was definitely a topic of conversation. We (Standard) are a big broadcaster and have to deal with the CRTC on other issues. And the CBC obviously has a cultural mandate to be concerned with."
The New York-based Stern debuted in Canada on Sept. 2, 1997 on Toronto's Q-107 and Montreal's CHOM-FM, and started things off by blasting the French (calling them "peckerheads" and saying, "the French should bend over for me the way they did for Hitler"). That first broadcast alone inspired more than 1,000 complaints to the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council. Stern lasted on CHOM until August 1998. Q-107 took flak from the regulators and stuck with the experiment through November 2001.

*****

The bright side of this shitty day for me was that I received my copy of Green Day's "Bullet In a Bible"...

Pre-ordering on amazon means you get it the day after it's released...but you don't have to go to the store and deal with Christmas shoppers...

Last week, I also received that Apes book that I had mentioned before...(pretty good so far)...

and a book that my friend wrote about a branch of martial arts...

That's all I have to say at the moment...16 more days of Stern...We're "free" to pay to watch porn on TV, but not "allowed" to pay to listen to Stern on satellite radio. Thanks, Canada.

And if you're thinking that if I don't like it, why don't I move...All I can say is Fuck that. I shouldn't have to move. I should be "allowed" to pay for it if I want it. What the hell is going on here? A kid can get on a computer and see all sorts of vile shit...(Warning: the previous link leads to some pretty vile shit...it's just a few clicks away...Porn is even easier to find)... yet they shouldn't be allowed to listen to people exchanging ideas, joking and interviewing celebrities in a very real way? Sure, some of Stern's humour is immature, but I hear far worse stuff from supposedly classy people every day. Swearing, racial slurs, sexually explicit stuff, uninformed blathering, etc...I know that things could be worse, but censorship really makes me angry. Zambo Smash!...Many sit-coms on TV are far more insulting to one's intelligence than Howard Stern is. He is the self-proclaimed "King of all Media", but if you examine his track record...it's true. He's been around for over 20 years...DJs (and Leno) rip him off consistently. He's had best selling books, a hit movie and a successful radio show for so long...When he goes to commercial, I usually flip around, hoping to find something to listen to...I usually end up either going to the classical station or just listening to Stern's commercials...The problem with a lot of radio personalities is that they really have no personalities...Or they're really annoying or trying too hard...Stern is a true original. Sure he bitches a lot, but he still has a passion for what he does...That's very rare today.

I guess I had more to say...Sorry for the rant...I think I'm OK now...

Here we are now. Entertain us...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Loverboy Was On To Something...

Hello out there.

Today felt like it was Thursday...but it's only Tuesday...

Remember that song "Everybody's Working For The Weekend"? I never really understood the significance of it until adulthood... I don't know too many people who would keep their jobs if they were to win the lottery or suddenly get a lot of money somehow. Imagine the feeling you get when you wake up on Saturday morning ~ knowing that the day is pretty much yours to do whatever you want ~ every day. Yup. That'd be pretty cool. I was feeling not-so-bad last night, watching "Prison Break"...then there was a news flash about a woman who won $27 Million. I suddenly felt this weird sinking feeling in my gut that might have been envy. Sure people will say stuff like: "Money isn't everything"...but they're usually not rich...It's just a means of justifying our circumstances...Like that whole "motion of the ocean" "magic you make with it" crap.

If I ever win the lottery, I'd work on improving myself...

I'd also spend more time "chill-axin'" as the kids say...

(I wouldn't say it though...even typing it seems unnatural)...

My main squeeze Lasagna and I would spend a lot more quality time together...

I certainly wouldn't be as stressed about stuff...

I'm not sure what point is really...I'm looking forward to Saturday night's UFC event and the inner peace that comes from watching grown men beat each other into submission or unconsciousness.

**********

I recently read Janice Dickinson's autobiography for some reason and I found it pretty interesting that she blamed her molester dad for all her failures. (He allegedly molested her sister, but not her)...But when she was successful, it was her way of proving that "rat bastard" wrong. He always told her that she'd never amount to anything...because she didn't succumb to his creepy advances...(She also admits to sort of contributing to his death by not telling the doctors what meds he required when he was admitted into the hospital...but that's another story)...

Remember "On the Waterfront" (1954)? That great exchange between Brando's character, Terry Malloy, and his brother...

Charlie: Look, kid, I - how much you weigh, son? When you weighed one hundred and sixty-eight pounds you were beautiful. You coulda been another Billy Conn, and that skunk we got you for a manager, he brought you along too fast.

Terry: It wasn't him, Charlie, it was you. Remember that night in the Garden you came down to my dressing room and you said, "Kid, this ain't your night. We're going for the price on Wilson." You remember that? "This ain't your night"! My night! I coulda taken Wilson apart! So what happens? He gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! You was my brother, Charlie, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money.

Charlie: Oh I had some bets down for you. You saw some money.

Terry: You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Charlie.

It's cool when you can actually pinpoint the exact incident that results in your failure...I'm still trying to figure out where it all went wrong for me...

Stay Tuned...

This message has been brought to you by the fine folks at Marlboro.

You deserve the refreshing taste of Marlboro.

Go ahead. You've earned it.

Click on Charlie to see video of him smoking.

Smoke 'em if you've got 'em.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I'd like to say that no animals were harmed in the making
of the above video, but I fear that's not entirely true.

Not Too Motivated Lately...

I wanted to write a bunch of stuff, but I'm just not into it right now...

In the meantime, check out The Big O's website...

I was almost touched by today's episode...but by the end, I just wasn't feelin' it...There's something about The Oprah that just doesn't seem 100% sincere...Sure she does a lot of good for a lot of people, but let's face it...She's got a better PR team than Jesus...They should really review the tapes the way athletes do, and work on The Oprah really "selling it"...maybe she just doesn't like physical contact or feels uncomfortable or something... Anyway, summing up the episodes, is tiring...so if you're interested, check out her site...

I've got all these notes and Word files that I've accumulated for potential post ideas, but I don't know that I'll get to it...The topical ideas lose their relevance quickly...and my notes remind me of that film "Spider" (if you haven't seen it and don't want to know why, then don't highlight the following passage... ) Basically, the guy is taking notes in his little private notebook throughout the entire film and you think something profound is going to eventually be revealed...but it's just gibberish...And I've been forgetting stuff too...At the time I think, "This idea is so good that I'll never forget it!" Then I try to think of it two minutes later and I got nothing...

November 11th (tomorrow) is Remembrance Day in Canada...We don't get a holiday here, but we do get a moment of silence at work...It's good to know that we have a day to remember and think of the men and women who gave their lives (or their youth) so that we could live the way we do today.

Anyway, take care of yourselves.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S. The other day, Maury Povich had a woman on the show for the ninth (9th!) to see if she could determine who the father of her baby is...

Mom's Food and the Dark Side...

Hello.

I was just reading S*'s recent entry and it occurred to me that I have been thinking about posting something similar regarding food...She summed it up nicely with the formula: Food=Love.
I had/have a similar Food=Love type thing going on with my folks as well. When I was younger, I didn't fully appreciate how good a cook my mom was...I took it for granted that everyone ate the same quality of food that I was getting...I even got tired of it...I remember coming home from a friend's house once and telling my mom that his mom made these cool triangular cheese sandwiches in this sandwich maker contraption and that she made something called "Kraft Dinner"* as a side dish...I said something like, "Why can't you make stuff like that, Mom?" I think I may have unintentionally offended her...but this quick and dirty food was new to me...from there it was an easy hop, skip and jump to McDonald's and other fast food establishments...For many years I was a culinary Darth Vader of sorts...I had slipped to the dark side...In my university years, I continued to follow the dark oily path...

Anyway, I have since come to appreciate my mom's cooking again, and have even learned to make some pretty tasty stuff myself...
My dad often jokes that he’s glad when we visit them, because he gets to eat “the good stuff”…So I jokingly threaten him, by saying that he better not cross me or I'll stop coming over and he'll have to do without the foods he loves. My mom usually makes extra food so that we can take some with us when we go...and they'll have leftovers for the week too...
Yesterday, for instance, we went to visit them…when we got there, my pops was working the grill in the garage with some pork souvlaki.

Meanwhile, inside, my mom was making:

a baked pasta dish with penne noodles, ground beef and pork and a cream topping,

asparagus with eggs and cheese (a familiar breakfast on Sundays ~ makes your pee smell),

and puff pastries with cheese inside.

For dessert (no pix available) there was homemade apple pie and “sex in the pan” (a layer of cookies-or crackers-then a layer of vanilla pudding and a layer of chocolate pudding)…She was taking it easy on this particular Sunday because they had raked leaves, moved firewood and transplanted some plants too…So she only made a few things...

*On a similar, but unrelated thread, I was recently making some

I get cravings for it from time to time…and I was using "The Original” recipe. I thought that it would be quicker if I just microwaved it…Unfortunately, in order to do so, the directions indicate that you’d have to go to the website to get microwave instructions…

Doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpose of quick preparation? There are microvavable versions of KD on the market, but I went with Original...My fault, I guess. In a time when we have “instant” roasts, and spaghetti, and pre-cooked bacon, I wonder about where we’re heading… There are slogans like "Cut the Mustard" and products like "Duck Tape", so it's only a matter of time before we become even more lazy and dumb...Beatdogg saw a truck carrying bottled water a few months ago and the logo read "Artic Springs"...

Anyway, it's getting pretty late...there's a lot more stuff that I'd like to write but I'm falling asleep as I type...If this doesn't make much sense, please see the previous post of Chico the chin puppet...

It's actually 1:30 am right now despite the start time indicated on this thing...So tired...I'm sure I'll be firing on all cylinders for work tomorrow...

Good night, citizens.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Chin Puppet Pix

Hello Out There.

Our buddy Chico gave me a call at work on Thursday and asked if we had any lunch plans. We went out with him and "Joe Blow". Before we went, however, I took a few glamour shots of Chico because he was sporting a well-groomed half moon, Amish goatee type thing. It looked like a perfect head of hair for an upside-down chin puppet. We put some little eyes on his chin (I didn't have any googly bobble eyes at work, so we used yellow filing stickers)...Enjoy!






Take it easy out there. Stay limber.

Your Pal,

Zambo.