Chimp Attack Update

Greetings Ape Fans!

Remember the “disturbingly gruesome chimp attack” on that couple last March?

Well, the guy lived and he was interviewed on Good Morning America recently. Want the link? OK…Here it is.

He’s doing a lot better than I had imagined…According to an article dated March 8, 2005, he lost “…a nose, a cheek, an eye, his lips, a foot, all of his fingers, his testicles, and part of his buttocks to a disturbingly gruesome chimpanzee attack.” (In the video, he clearly has fingers…though not all of them).

That article also mentions that a policeman required $250,000 in medical treatment when Moe went apeshit while he was living with St. James and LaDonna Davis…That's what led to Moe being taken to the Animal Haven Ranch near Bakersfield in the first place.

Do you think that cop could have imagined what his day was going to be like that day?

I like that Mr. Davis was able to joke about the Eskimo kisses. That shows that he’s making some progress…His wife, however, didn’t seem all that amused by any of it…and their lawyer seemed pretty nice, huh?

So if you’re keeping score at home: Apes –2, Humans 1.85…

I think this is is one of the chimp assailants under the sheet.

St. James and Moe in the good old days, when he still had a profile...and nuts.

But What About Our Good Friend Oprah?

I don’t know how many of you watched Oprah yesterday…Her audience was composed of Katrina volunteer workers…She gave them each some of her favourite things.

Some of the gifts were pretty awesome! The guys in the audience were probably rolling their eyes at all the “girly” stuff at first…but then they seemed to cream their pants when they saw the new iPod, the Blackberry 7105T and the Sony VAIO FJ notebook…A lot of the things Oprah likes have pretty heavy-duty price tags…I couldn’t imagine spending $117 for a 6.5 gallon tin of popcorn, or how about “The Oprah Sweater” by Ralph Lauren for a mere $498…That’s reasonable, right? Or what about the somewhat unappealing watches ranging in price from $650 to $2500? And this one’s for Keeks: Oprah doesn’t normally wear fragrances, but she just had to add Sarah Jessica Parker’s “Lovely” to her list of must-have items…which retails for $62 per bottle…

I can see how adults could go all catatonic watching Oprah(the way hyper kids do with Teletubbies or Barney or whatever mass-hypnosis characters are marketable at the time)…As I was watching, Lasagna came in and started talking to me...I pointed at the TV, saying "Oprah"...She responded with, "I can't believe how much you like Oprah now" as she walked away...I thought about explaining myself, but decided not to...(I know that some might think that I behaved rudely...but it should be noted that it was also rude of little Lasagna to come in and disturb me while I was watchin' ma stories, while her show was on a commercial break...But we're good like that)...

I have to admit that I was captivated by all those gifts, interspersed with tales of the selfless actions of audience members to help out after Hurricane Katrina…So once again, Oprah did something really nice for her audience…who gave of themselves to help others in need…Not only does Oprah tell us what we should read, but now she is suggesting what we should buy, with Christmas just around the corner…I guess she must think that we all have what Letterman affectionately refers to as “Oprah Money”…Rumour has it that Oprah shall appear on Late Night With David Letterman on December 1st. That should be good. Though Dave’s lost a bit of his edge over the years, he’s still pretty sharp.

At the top of Oprah's web site, there's a button labelled: "Inside Oprah.com"...That kinda scares me...

Anyway, take it easy...

Remember that Beatles song from their White Album:

"Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey."

Your Pal,

Zambo.