Thursday, July 28, 2005

Bionic Apes: Holy Shit!!!

Hi.

I was listening to Stern this morning (Artie was not in...and yesterday there was some talk about him possibly leaving the show at some point...that would suck...) and because I was delayed due to an accident on the highway, I got to hear the news...It seems that a very convincing seated female robot has recently been developed by a Japanese fellow.


(click image for source and more info)

I was curious as to how it looks and moves...It looks a lot like a real doll but I haven't seen any footage of it moving yet...

So anyway, while I was looking it up, I stumbled upon the following bit of news (which has been copied here from original source...link to the source by clicking the title or the copyright info below):

Monkey Thinks Robotic Arm into Action
Brain impulses translated into 3-D manipulation

University of Pittsburgh

A time-lapse photograph shows a monkey raising a piece of
zucchini to its lips using a thought-controlled robotic arm.
The monkey's real arms are restrained.

By Michael Schirber
Updated: 10:29 a.m. ET Feb. 18, 2005

Robotic arms used by amputees are typically controlled by moving some other part of the body, like the opposite arm. Researchers would like to make such prostheses respond to the whim of the brain.

Now it turns out researchers have found a method so easy (well, relatively so) that a monkey can do it.

In a new study, a monkey fed itself using a robotic arm electronically linked to its brain. The work was presented here Thursday at the annual meeting of the American Association of the Advancement of Science.

The robotic arm is about the size of a child’s, with a fully functional shoulder and elbow, as well as a simple gripper that can hold a piece of fruit or vegetable.

"It moves much like your own arm would move," said Andrew Schwartz from the University of Pittsburgh.

The monkey’s real arms are restrained in plastic tubes. To control the robotic arm, 96 electrodes — each thinner than a human hair — are attached to the monkey’s motor cortex, a region of the brain responsible for voluntary movement. Although there is an area of the cortex generally associated with arm motion, the exact placement of the electrodes is not crucial, Schwartz explained.

"You don’t have to be exactly right because the brain is highly plastic," he said, referring to the fact that the brain will rearrange its structure to get things done. And food, it turned out, was a good motivator for the adaptable primate brain.

Computing intention

The electrodes measure the firing rate of a single neuron. Each one of the billion or so neurons involved with arm motion is thought to have a preferred direction. There is, for instance, a set of neurons associated with moving the arm up, or down, or to the right.

With a special computer algorithm, the researchers are able to find an average direction from the small sample of neurons being measured. This average direction is used to move the robotic arm.

Rob Kass from Carnegie Mellon University, who was not involved in the new study, said this type of algorithm has been around since 1960. The computational shortcut has had a wide range of applications, including missile tracking and navigation.

"The benefit of the algorithm is that it allows for a more efficient use of data," Kass said. "It also provides a framework for learning."

This learning was evident in the fact that, with practice, the monkeys became faster with the robotic control. The researchers also found that their subjects could adapt to different placements of the food.

"Our algorithm is not exactly what is going on in the brain," Schwartz said. But the monkey’s brain actually adapts its neural signal to be closer to the algorithm. The reward for this rewiring is the snack.

Interestingly, in the beginning, the monkey’s restrained arms would twitch — as if they were trying to reach and grab the food. But after a day with the robotic arm, the monkey was completely relaxed.

"He no longer was trying to move his own arms," Schwartz said.

Next up: realismSchwartz and his collaborators plan to move beyond the simple two-pronged gripper to a more realistic hand with fingers.

"That’s where we want to go next," he said. "We will need to connect electrodes to 50 or 100 more neurons — we think."

The research may one day lead to permanent artificial prostheses for those who have lost a limb, and it might also increase the mobility and dexterity of those suffering from spinal cord injuries or nervous system disorders, like ALS.

"We hope to move to human subjects in two to four years," Schwartz said.

A big hurdle, however, is the fact that biological material builds up around the electrodes, causing the signal to degrade over time. On average, the electrodes in the monkey brains only lasted six months. More biocompatible materials, as well as devices that transmit their signal without wires, may be needed to make the jump to humans.

© 2005 LiveScience.com. All rights reserved.

I really don't know what to say about this right now, but I thought I'd share it with any reader(s) who might find it interesting...I thought it was pretty cool. Imagine Doc Oc-type Ape soldiers on patrol...That'd be sweet...(Not really, I guess...I'd probably shit myself...but it'd be cool for a movie or comic maybe...).

(I put together this image to demonstrate how cool it could be...)

That is all.

Your Pal,

Zambo.


Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A Bucket of This Will Make You Mentally Strange...


Dearest Fiends,

I hope that all is well.

I have been away for a while...but I'm back now.

Pictured below are the ingredients for one of my favourite drinks:

I find that mixing one part of coconut rum (either Malibu or Parrot Bay) with two parts Tropicana Tropics Orange Strawberry Banana over ice will help take the edge off a humid, stressful day. For best results, drink in a floating chair in the pool...


(I'm sitting near the edge here...)

I've got lots of pix of my recent travels, but I have to make the time to post something...

For now you'll just have to settle for a photo of my huge Thing...


He's 26" tall! I was pretty pleased with my purchase (at Wal-Mart) ... But as I was putting my loot into our vehicle, some guy was arguing with his "old lady" (he'd be the type to call her that) while holding his young daughter (maybe 2 or 3 years old)...He was dropping the F-bomb like it was on sale...He was a real piece of shit, from what I could see. I lost count of how many times he swore while holding the little girl...It's bad enough that he was talking to his mate like that, but to do so in front of their child was totally out of line, in my opinion...The argument seemed to be related to the fact that his "old lady" accused him of flirting or hitting on someone in the electronics department...of Wal-Mart...Sorry to mention this bit of unpleasantness, but it did upset me...As I looked into THE THING's eyes, I wondered, "What would you do, old friend?"...I imagine he would have gone over there and gently handed the little girl to the shaken, but pretty, lady...and then he'd proceed to show that guy what his own asshole tastes like...I, on the other hand, did nothing of the sort...I looked at my lady and asked if I should intervene...She said not to...so we left with my new "monster" and left those poor ladies with theirs...

I would like to leave you on a brighter note, so...Conan's a re-run, but he mentioned Bubbles the chimp (see picture below) in his monologue and then his first guest, James Spader, mentioned the rebellion at the Animal Haven Ranch that I had briefly addressed in my blog of Thursday, June 30, 2005...

...Michael befriended Bubbles, the chimpanzee. However, the relationship broke down when Jackson was punched by Bubbles and had to leave the Neverland ranch. Bubbles now lives at an animal trainers ranch in Sylmar, California. In the early 90s the public perception of Michael Jackson shifted from one of eccentricity to plain weirdness...

(click photo for the source)

That's it for now...It's a little after 1 am here, and I have to get up for work soon...

I have a lot that I want to post, but so little time...

To quote the great, but short, Paul Simon:

Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard

Anyway, keep cool out there and I'll update as soon as I can...(It's a long weekend in Canada - excluding Quebec - a Civic Holiday on the first of August ...so hopefully, I'll get a chance)...

Until next time, remember to brush and floss regularly.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Scandal Could Delay Ape Uprising

Hello all.

I recently received some disturbing news. It seems that a high ranking orangutan was caught "having relations" with an unidentified female.

WARNING: some readers may find the following images disturbing...





Ape officials said that things will continue as planned, but insiders reveal that this is "...a big blow to the uprising..."

A spokesperson for the apes has issued the following statement, "This is merely a delousing ritual that has been blown ...uh... taken out of context. Humans couldn't possibly understand."

The photos are being distributed in an e-mail message entitled: "luckiest monkey in the zoo"...Ape officials disapprove of the word "monkey" and the matter is currently under investigation.

More news as it unfolds.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

More Useless Information...

Howdy, Partners.


King Kong is coming soon...
(Not really...December 14, 2005)...
A giant ape, Naomi Watts and Jack Black!
That's pretty damn cool...despite that Adrien Brody guy...

Poster found here...
NOTE: "Adrien" is spelled incorrectly on this poster...
I smell "Collector's Item"...


Also...
Brad Pitt Hospitalized in Los AngelesTuesday July 12 12:15 PM ET
(Click the title to find the source of the news...in case it's not available later)...

Actor Brad Pitt has been hospitalized with a flu-like illness. Pitt, 41, checked himself into an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital Monday night complaining of flu-like symptoms, his publicist Cindy Guagenti said Tuesday. There were no other details and the name of the hospital wasn't disclosed for security reasons.

Pitt was in Ethiopia last week with his "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" co-star
Angelina Jolie to pick up the actress's newly adopted baby girl, the second child she has adopted. Guagenti said it wasn't known if the actor contracted the illness while in Africa.
"I think he has the flu," the spokeswoman said.

The "Troy" and "
Fight Club" star separated from "Friends" actress Jennifer Aniston in January after 4 1/2 years of marriage and she filed for divorce in March citing irreconcilable differences.

Hopefully he's OK...(That Rosie O'Donnell is adopting kids all the time, and nothing ever happens to her...I guess they're not from Africa though...)
Context


Pablo Picasso, Acrobat’s Family with a Monkey (1905).
Göteborgs Konstmuseum, Göteborg, Sweden

I was in an art gallery many years ago, and I heard a child calling her mother over. When she got there, the little girl said, "I can paint that!" and she pointed to a Picasso painting (not the one pictured above)...I chuckled at first, but then I realized that there are probably many adults who share in this misguided notion. What they fail to realize is that the work has a context in the history and development of human creativity...There was a guy in the 1940's named Han van Meereren who had painted Vermeer forgeries that were hailed by experts as some of the painter's (Vermeer's) best works. Though he was in a lot of trouble, van Meegeren's vanity led him to believe that the experts had to acknowledge that he was as good a painter as Vermeer. This argument, however, is incorrect. The context in which the paintings were created determines their significance in art history. Basically, Vermeer's work was the product of the process he went through to develop his own style; whereas van Meegeren had Vermeer's paintings as reference material and the benefit of 300 years of hindsight, in terms of artistic progress...(but to his credit, he did figure out a way to age his paintings to look as old as the originals). It's like when first year art students are tasked to emulate an artist's work. Some try to tackle the cubist phase of Picasso's work...needless to say, they usually fail...largely due to the fact that they are trying to sprint before they have even learned to walk...According to Picasso, "It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child."

Someone listening to the Beatles for the first time may wonder what all the hype is about...this person may fail to realize their contribution to the development of modern music and the significance of their work. The same is true with someone who watches "Citizen Kane" for the first time now...they may say, "What's the big deal?" The answer is context...it set a precedent in filmmaking which has become so common that the original may lose some of its impact with a new audience...I know that I watched the remake of "The Italian Job" before seeing the original...The new one was made for me. The original was made for guys my dad's age. I didn't get it, I guess. (I'm not even going to bother watching the Richard Chamberlain version of "The Bourne Identity"...).

I guess these are unoriginal times...They finally got Batman right at least...An article in July's Esquire talks about the trend of remakes, briefly discussing "War of the Worlds", "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (Johnny Depp is cool as hell, but I just don't know how they could possibly top the sinister original...) and "The Bad News Bears"...(which looks like it could be funny...edgy...I like Richard Linklater's work overall, and I liked "Bad Santa"...)

So, while you're watching the credits rolling...after sitting through "The Dukes of Hazzard", wondering why you thought it could possibly be good...Perhaps, you can think ahead to King Kong which (hopefully) will give us some faith in the "re-imaginings" that I'm sure will continue long after we're pushing up the daisies...

(As a bit of an aside, but not completely unrelated...I've always found it funny when Fez on "That '70s Show" would say "Good day" to some one, then the person would try to talk and he would cut in with, "I said good day!"

That line is actually from "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory"...when Charlie's Grandpa Joe asks Mr. Wonka about the lifetime supply of chocolate, Wonka says that they get nothing because they broke the rules:

Willy Wonka: "...You lose. Good day, sir."

Grandpa Joe: "You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler. How could you do a thing like this, raise up a little boy's hopes and then dash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster."

Willy Wonka: "I said good day!"

We know Fez likes candy...So I guess we can allow that...

Also, I found this in the "Memorable Quotes" section and thought it was pretty good:

[about Star Wars]
Michael Kelso: "There's no way it's better than Planet of the Apes. I mean, those apes were really good actors". )

Do you think they'll ever remake "The Six Million Dollar Man"?...

Maskatron was/is my all time favourite toy...

Hugo was my second favourite...

I wonder if anyone will ever have the balls to re-imagine "Citizen Kane" or "The Godfather"...



Anyway, that's it for now.

'Til next time...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Phone Beatings (continued)

Hi Again.

I made it home safe and sound...did what had to be done…and now...back to the phone beatings.

Let me start by saying that in the history of television there have probably been countless awe-inspiring phone beatings and I'm sorry to say that I've probably missed most of them...but I did happen to catch a few...

TV Beatings

Family Guy

A few episodes ago, when Brian appeared on The Bachelorette, he grew to have strong feelings for the woman...and actually won the contest…He soon came to realize that it was all fake…but he really loved her, so he stalked her…He was bothering her, serenading her or something, and from off screen a heavy duty phone flies into frame and clocks him in the head…Nice! You can read the episode summary here…if you haven’t seen it…


The Simpsons

The following images were captured from an episode where Bart did something wrong and Homer began to strangle him with the phone cord…But Bart’s not one to sit idly by while being choked to death, so he began to bash Homer’s head with the receiver… As Mr. Burns would say, “Excellent…”



Homer's working on his garotte technique:

Bart prepares his rebuttal:

We have contact!

...then a pause...

The worst is over...So tired...



The Sopranos



Tony has had a particularly hard day of
bustin' balls and heavy nose-breathing...


Georgie still doesn't know how to work the new phone...



Poor Georgie...Simmering Rage Alert!!!



He seems blissfully unaware of what's about to unfold...

Oh...he's almost got it...


Almost...Just...about...got...it...

Too little, too late...Here comes the thunder!

Uh oh...This is gonna hurt...


I think he's off the ground here...

Ouchy...


Now that that's over with...(Note the "Dancers" in
the background have stopped...)

Don't worry...they started to dance again eventually...After all, the show must go on...

So that's it for phone beatings...for now.

I hope it was OK...I think I opened with the "A material" from "Twelve Monkeys"...which is a tough act to follow...but I think Tony S. brought his "A game" to that beating...I like how it was shot from the perspective of the victim, which is rare and kinda scary...

HBO has been producing a lot of great shows lately...I like that they are uninhibited by censorship and other nonsense...but I'll bet there's still a lot of bureaucracy to deal with just the same...

Anyway, that's two posts in one day...I'm no spring chicken, you know...

Take care, kids...and remember to drink your Ovaltine...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Meanwhile...Back at the Ranch...

Hello Out There...

So I'm still at work...and it still sucks...I shall call my memoirs "NUMBER" 'cause that's what I feel and that's what I am...a number number...Work's kinda the way Peter describes it in "Office Space" before he gets hypnotized:

"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

I like the people I work with, but the job itself is so unfulfilling...

Anyway, I had a meeting scheduled for 3:00pm in the cafeteria...The lady I was supposed to meet was 15 minutes late, so I drew this while I waited:
I hope you like it...


I'll post the conclusion to the phone beating post...soon. I've got the TV edition ready to go...I promise...


In a completely unrelated matter:

I was just looking at THE INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE (see sidebar for link) and the "IMDb Movie of the Day" is "Sex and Lucia"... I have a story about it...Wanna read about it?

I had "Spanglish" on dvd and never found the time to watch it for about three weeks...So one Saturday night, there wasn't much going on, so I decided to have a viewing (because I'm old now)...It was OK...not great, but not terrible...And as a guy, I was thinking about how hot Paz Vega is...And naturally, I wondered what she might look like nude...that's what guys do...(sorry)...Nothing too sinister, maybe the hint of a breast or a butt cheek would do...but no such luck in "Spanglish" though...

When it was over, I was flipping through the movie channels to see if there was anything good on...That's when I saw that "Sex and Lucia" was on...Anything with "Sex" in the title is usually good, right? So I did an info check and, as it turns out, Paz Vega was in it! Just so you know, she was nude and having what seemed like actual sex for a good part of this dirty little film...she even handled a dude's junk...on camera!

It was really weird...Cool, but weird...Now some would say that what happened here was a mere coincidence...others might say that I had a wish come true... and I squandered it...

Looking back, I should have wished to win the lottery...it would have benefitted me more in the long run...But, you see, I didn't realize I had this power...and just so you know, I think it was a one-time thing...Oh well.

If you had three wishes, would you give one to the genie?

That's it for now...

Time to go home I think...Good thing I stayed late to do work...

Until next time...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Don't Lose That Number...

Russell Crowe’s recent phone-related incident has renewed interest in a topic that is both near and dear to my heart:





I had a personal project on the go, related to phone beatings in movies, that I had put on the back-burner for a while...Until our pal Russell Crowe had a phone-related meltdown...The Beatdogg reminded me that now would be a good time to do a post about phone beatings...

(It should be noted that I had captured images from several films to put my list together, but that my Mac bit the dust before I could retrieve the info...RIP, little buddy (1997-2005)...you served me well...)


In “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”, the second hottest couple in America is interrogating this guy (who is wearing a “Fight Club” T-shirt)... and Pitt’s not being very persuasive, so Jolie gives the guy the good news with the heavy hotel room phone to the head…

Get Shorty” has a pretty good old school phone wallop…I just re-watched it to jar my cloudy memory…Ray “Bones” Barboni (played by Dennis Farina, one of my all-time favourite tough guys – check out “Midnight Run” if you haven’t seen it…) reaches out and touches Harry Zimm (Gene Hackman)…It’s the first blow in a series of non-phone-related blows to poor, pathetic Zimm…Barboni’s workout gets interrupted by Ronnie (Jon Gries)…and he eventually utters the great line, “Fuck you, Fuckball!”…before putting a few bullets into Ronnie…(NOTE: The sequel "Be Cool" was not-so-great...The Rock was good in it though...)



"High Fidelity", the first film to really showcase the great Jack Black (right) and his amazingness. Remember: "We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five." Anyway, the phone beating was a daydream in Rob's head (John Cusack) as the record store staff unloaded a beating on Ian 'Ray' Raymond (Tim Robbins)...he spit out some teeth! Good beating, but imagined...



"Made" had a good phone beating. I remember that it was good at the time, but I don't really recall the details...Vince Vaughn is always super-cool...

So if you see it, look for a phone beating and let me know...

"Changing Lanes" deserves some credit for Samuel L. Jackson's use of the pay phone receiver to deliver some smackdown action(...not on Ben Affleck though)...Also, Amanda Peet was in it for a few minutes...I'm sad to say that I saw it in the theater and have not seen it since...

"Casino" showcases an amazing phone beating where little Joe Pesci really gives it to poor, old Don Rickles...Do yourself a favour...If you're into phone beatings, this one is great. Pesci's character, Nicky Santoro, is established as a pretty volatile character...but you don't expect him to beat on an old man with a phone receiver...Good stuff.

"Payback" had a pretty good one too. Pearl(Lucy Liu) got clobbered by Val (Gregg Henry)...but her character liked that sort of thing...He's on an important call, and she comes in and tries to interrupt him, so he really lets her have it...but she's into that stuff...had to hurt though...


Finally, the best phone beating that I know of in the history of film is in “Twelve Monkeys”. The Willis really unloads on this guy...but he had it coming…


The Willis reaches for the old school phone...


This poor prick doesn't know what he's in for...


Here it comes!!!


Note the crazy eyes...


The no-look smash...BRILLIANT!


To reiterate...In my opinion, this is the best phone beating ever captured on film. It's the looking away as he pummels that makes the scene so great. The viewer is (or should be) torn between cheering and wanting him to stop...This scene set the standard for my phone beating list...(6 punishing blows with the heavy old school rotary phone)...Amazing...

NEXT POST...Honourable Mentions: TV's Best Phone Beatings...

"The Sopranos"


and "The Simpsons"