Don't Lose That Number...

Russell Crowe’s recent phone-related incident has renewed interest in a topic that is both near and dear to my heart:

I had a personal project on the go, related to phone beatings in movies, that I had put on the back-burner for a while...Until our pal Russell Crowe had a phone-related meltdown...The Beatdogg reminded me that now would be a good time to do a post about phone beatings...

(It should be noted that I had captured images from several films to put my list together, but that my Mac bit the dust before I could retrieve the info...RIP, little buddy (1997-2005)...you served me well...)

In “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”, the second hottest couple in America is interrogating this guy (who is wearing a “Fight Club” T-shirt)... and Pitt’s not being very persuasive, so Jolie gives the guy the good news with the heavy hotel room phone to the head…

“Get Shorty” has a pretty good old school phone wallop…I just re-watched it to jar my cloudy memory…Ray “Bones” Barboni (played by Dennis Farina, one of my all-time favourite tough guys – check out “Midnight Run” if you haven’t seen it…) reaches out and touches Harry Zimm (Gene Hackman)…It’s the first blow in a series of non-phone-related blows to poor, pathetic Zimm…Barboni’s workout gets interrupted by Ronnie (Jon Gries)…and he eventually utters the great line, “Fuck you, Fuckball!”…before putting a few bullets into Ronnie…(NOTE: The sequel "Be Cool" was not-so-great...The Rock was good in it though...)

"High Fidelity", the first film to really showcase the great Jack Black (right) and his amazingness. Remember: "We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five." Anyway, the phone beating was a daydream in Rob's head (John Cusack) as the record store staff unloaded a beating on Ian 'Ray' Raymond (Tim Robbins)...he spit out some teeth! Good beating, but imagined...

"Made" had a good phone beating. I remember that it was good at the time, but I don't really recall the details...Vince Vaughn is always super-cool...

So if you see it, look for a phone beating and let me know...

"Changing Lanes" deserves some credit for Samuel L. Jackson's use of the pay phone receiver to deliver some smackdown action(...not on Ben Affleck though)...Also, Amanda Peet was in it for a few minutes...I'm sad to say that I saw it in the theater and have not seen it since...

"Casino" showcases an amazing phone beating where little Joe Pesci really gives it to poor, old Don Rickles...Do yourself a favour...If you're into phone beatings, this one is great. Pesci's character, Nicky Santoro, is established as a pretty volatile character...but you don't expect him to beat on an old man with a phone receiver...Good stuff.

"Payback" had a pretty good one too. Pearl(Lucy Liu) got clobbered by Val (Gregg Henry)...but her character liked that sort of thing...He's on an important call, and she comes in and tries to interrupt him, so he really lets her have it...but she's into that stuff...had to hurt though...

Finally, the best phone beating that I know of in the history of film is in “Twelve Monkeys”. The Willis really unloads on this guy...but he had it coming…

The Willis reaches for the old school phone...

This poor prick doesn't know what he's in for...

Here it comes!!!

Note the crazy eyes...

The no-look smash...BRILLIANT!

To reiterate...In my opinion, this is the best phone beating ever captured on film. It's the looking away as he pummels that makes the scene so great. The viewer is (or should be) torn between cheering and wanting him to stop...This scene set the standard for my phone beating list...(6 punishing blows with the heavy old school rotary phone)...Amazing...

NEXT POST...Honourable Mentions: TV's Best Phone Beatings...

"The Sopranos"

and "The Simpsons"