Just a quicky...

Citizens,

I haven't had too much time to post these days, but the following links should keep you amused...for a little while, at least...

Weird, bordering on insane. (I found this by accident and need some time to reflect on what I've seen)...

This should ease the pain...Bikinis

More stuff is on the way, I think...

Something to consider in the meantime:
The contrived stutter employed by some actors in interviews has become more apparent now that Hayden Christensen is on TV a lot. It’s as if the witless stammering will somehow summon the muse to help him finish the sentence. (Those press junkets must be grueling though...I'm so glad I'm not a famous actor...Pretending makes me uncomfortable anyway…and all that money and adoration would most certainly lead to a series of unfortunate events…).

That's it for now.

Your Pal,

Zambo ...

Mostly Star Wars Stuff...

Hello,

A friend sent me this link and I thought it was pretty funny:

Store Wars

In other news, another friend forwarded a link about two young "Star Wars" fans who tried to play with a homemade light saber. Wouldn't it be cool if the guy survived and was forced to live in a Vader-type suit to protect his lesions and crackling...Poor, dumb bastard...The force certainly fucked his shit up...Blessed are the stupid, for they make us realize that it could always be worse...I had an average day, but at least I'm not that guy...

UPDATE

LOST was pretty good...nothing was really revealed, but it left us wondering what's gonna happen next season...Assuming the writing doesn't get diverted to another hit show and it suffers...like poor ALIAS...

ALIAS was really disappointing...I think it's only a matter of time before they remove the feeding tube on this mess...Seasons 1 & 2 were so good. Unrealistic, but very entertaining...They brought back Irina for the last two episodes this season...It's like Jane Fonda making her long-awaited comeback with Monster-In-Law...Zombies, the end of the world and the cliff-hanger...not good...If you saw it, you shouldn't have enjoyed it...If you didn't see it, it saddens me to tell you, you're better off...At least The X-Files took several seasons to completely lose it...

And I finally received that package I was complaining about in my previous post...The good folks at DHL left it partially wedged under the welcome mat. Thanks for all your help.

Until next time...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

More Useless Information...

I stayed up late to watch Conan…It was OK. A bit like when you’re taking the last bite after devouring a whole cake in one sitting…you know you’re gonna regret it in the morning…Anyway, I went to bed before Billy Idol performed, but just watched the rerun on CNBC…I can’t believe he’ll be 50 this year! He looks a little older, but he’s in pretty good shape…

I apologize in advance, but I would like to take this opportunity to go on a bit of a rant about a package that my work sent out to all employees…it’s a training package that they sent to our homes…even though we’re at work all day, every business day. So when you get home, you have to figure out how to get the fucking package you don’t even want - to do training you don’t even need... You can either sign the notice that they stick to your door, giving them permission to leave it there the next day…or, you can have the piece of shit redirected. I chose option two and went through all the steps to redirect a package online. The window came up thanking me and telling me that it would be redirected…TO MY WORK, WHERE I SPEND MOST OF MY FUCKING WAKING HOURS…They’re pretty efficient at Head Office, figuring out ways to keep their jobs while making things more complicated for everybody else…So several days had gone by and still no package…Did I mention that I don’t even want the fucking thing? So I thought I’d call the number on the notice to see what the shit is going on…I figured I’d have no choice but to speak with an actual human this time…after several minutes of pressing numbers to make it easier for them to serve me… There’s a deadline to complete this highly relevant training too…but I have to receive the sack of shit first…So I went over a bunch of information with a lady on the phone. She actually instilled me with a bit of confidence and I felt comfort in her apparent competence…She seemed to know what she was doing…How odd…This was several days ago…Yesterday, I asked the shipper at work to let me know if/when my package arrived. No dice. No word today either.

When I got home from work today, there was another fucking notice on my fucking front door…Fuck! I seriously considered leaving the delivery guy a similar notice, telling him to shove the package up his ass…But he’d know where I live for future retribution, so that’s no good…It’s not his fault, I know…but I don’t have any kids to beat…or even a dog…And my woman’s still at work…(kidding. She don’t work…) …On a brighter note, the training got done...I got an”A”…


NOTE: I may have spoken too soon about Corey Feldman in a previous posting. Despite this, one must also consider these. That’s all I’m gonna say right now. I’ve got to reassess a few things…

LOST is on…time to go.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

New News!!!

Dominic Monaghan was just on Leno and there was no light shed on this matter. He seems like a charming and intelligent enough fellow (Monaghan, not Leno)...but in these shallow Pitt-Jolie times, he's not really worthy of an Evangeline Lilly on general principle.

Evangeline will be on Conan tonight...I'm seriously considering staying up to watch...but...the only thing worse than going to work fully rested is going in groggy...Plus, tomorrow night is the 2-hour LOST season finale, followed by Alias' season finale! Yup. I'm a loser. But you're reading this...So who's the bigger loser? I'm sorry. It's late and I'm very tired...

Conan's first guest is Chris Rock...then it will be Evangeline Lilly...then the legend that is Billy Idol!

(to be continued...)

The Day After The Day Off...

As usual on a Tuesday morning after a long weekend, I just wanted to stay in bed…But I had to get up in order to finance the slick lifestyle to which I have become accustomed…Anyway, during the week, I have the radio set to Howard Stern in the morning (92.9 fm out of Buffalo, if you’re in the area). I enjoy the majority of what is discussed on the show. I cannot think of anyone who does a better interview than Mr. Stern. Artie Lange really cracks me up too. When he’s not there, you can really notice the difference…Sometimes it’s annoying to hear Howard complain about stuff like his limo and the FCC, but overall he’s quite funny and it’s human nature to complain…even if you have millions of dollars. On today’s show, there was a brief mention of how the mesmeric Evangeline Lilly is “…dating the ‘rock star’ guy from LOST”…And they moved right on to other business. The thought of this really bothered me for most of the morning. (I’m still reeling from the news that Ben Affleck has embedded his lackluster seed into the uterine walls of the lovely and talented (despite “Elektra”, which should be considered a contractual obligation that didn’t quite pan out) Jennifer Garner). Granted the match is not as astounding as say, Rick Okasick and Paulina Porizkova ...Or When Tim Burton was with Lisa Marie then left her for for Helena Bonham Carter. (They seem more suited for each other somehow. She’s intermittently sexy, but quirky...and he’s just quirky).
Click here for some dated information regarding the “beauty and the hobbit” if you’re interested…I know that it’s their private business and that he’s probably really nice…and that I really shouldn’t care, but it just seems like an odd pairing. Best of luck to them, anyway.

I've got a lot on my mind lately, and I just didn’t need to hear this news as I trek an hour to get to a job that I have grown to abhor. As I get closer to work, the radio signal starts to get weaker…and crackly in places…This let’s me know that the fun must soon come to an end. I get it back pretty clearly in the parking garage at work and if there’s something interesting on the show I sit in the car until the absolute last second. I see people hurrying to the building and I’m just sitting there in my car, laughing...but inside I’m dreading that I have to work this job while porn stars are playing “Strap-On Baseball” on Stern.

They say a good way to ruin a hobby is to make it your job…or something to that effect…I guess even porn stars get the blues…

That’s all for today. My job’s not so bad, I guess. It could be better, but it could always be worse. At least I’m not Corey Feldman…I often wonder if it’s better to taste the good life and then lose it, or to just maintain a level mediocre insignificance for one’s whole life.

We'll see how it all goes...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

A Day Off!

Today is Victoria Day in Canada, the meaning of which seems far less significant than it perhaps once was. It is affectionately referred to as “May Two-Four”... (coincidentally, a case of beer is also referred to as a “Two-Four” and there is a loose connection in that sense). Anyway, it’s a day off work and I’m glad to have it. I’m sure that tomorrow people will be eager to share tales of how much beer they drank, and some will be victims of early onset melanoma, as it’s the first holiday of sunny weather around here. Sadly, much of my weekend was spent doing work around the house though (plumbing and yard work, mostly).
But there's was nothing planned for today and since I don’t often get the chance to watch daytime TV, I took this opportunity to watch "Oprah Winfrey". Usually, if I’m off work on a weekday, I have something specific to do…or on the rare occasion that I call in sick, I usually watch DVDs…Anyway, Tom Cruise, 42, was the guest today, promoting his new film, , "War of the Worlds". I have to admit that I like Oprah. But I am, however, aware of the power that she wields over many "desperate houswives" everywhere (and not the hot kind you see on ABC's hit series). The Onion posted an article on September 9th, 1998, expressing a similar concern:

OPRAH VIEWERS PATIENTLY AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS
CHICAGO, IL–With nearly three weeks having passed since talk-show host Oprah Winfrey last issued an official command, approximately 60 million Oprah Winfrey Show viewers are on standby,...

I don’t know Mr. Cruise personally, but it seems that his heart is in the right place, I guess. He was telling Oprah how he’s in love with Katie Holmes, 26,(look for Katie in "Batman Begins" this summer!) and how even though one of his children is “bi-racial”, he doesn’t really see colour. Oprah said something about his son being of a different race, and Tom said that we’re all part of the human race…and the crowd went wild. Like when Emeril uses garlic. They did a little segue into mentioning Steven [Spielberg] and Kate [Capshaw]’s “bi-racial” daughter. Everyone applauded or laughed at pretty much everything Tom said. No wonder Rosie O'Donnell was so in love with him. He's apparently irresistable. The women seemed to be awaiting his every word. At one point a man shouted out something about meeting Katie Holmes and Cruise said, shocked, “There’s a guy here!?!” There was a brief pre-taped snippet from Steven Spielberg himself, who was sorry that he couldn’t be there live, but he was busy with the project. Dakota Fanning also chimed in from Australia to let us know how great it was to work with Tom Cruise on "War of the Worlds" . (She's a good little actress, but it’s sorta creepy how mature she is...like a little adult. She’s 11 years old and has already appeared in 18 feature films!).
Oprah then told us that Premier has named Tom Cruise “The Greatest Living Movie Star Of All Time”. That's a bold statement to make, but good for him, I guess.

Then there was a segment about a “regular guy” who also has the name "Tom Cruise". His wife sent in a tape, asking if it would be possible for him to meet the famous Tom Cruise. The wife, in her video request, said that when she pays by cheque (check), the cashier usually makes a comment and her stock reply is: “If he were the real Tom Cruise, I wouldn’t be shopping here”. The “regular guy” Tom Cruise seems pretty well adjusted, all things considered. He got his first sales job by simply submitting a letter, saying: “How would you like to meet Tom Cruise?” (This got his foot in the door and I would assume that he earned the job based on the subsequent interview). He made a joke that I’m sure he’s said many, many times before when people ask, “Where’s the real Tom Cruise?” “I am the real Tom Cruise…just not the rich, famous, good-looking one.” Oprah smiled, then directed him to his seat in a dismissive fashion and cut to commercial. After the break, Oprah showed us the new pix of Tom Cruise (the real one) in the upcoming issue of Details magazine. The “regular guy” Tom Cruise said, “that’s not me” from his front row audience seat. People chuckled, but the sense was that his time was up. It must be difficult to deal with sharing a name with a celebrity. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) I don’t think that I will ever know what that’s like…unless either of my two cousins - with the same name as me – suddenly become famous. My name is a bit unusual and difficult to spell and pronounce I guess…

Anyway, the "24" season finale is on…So I’d better get going. It's very addictive like crack, I imagine...but to a lesser degree...After that, "The Shield" is on, but this season is already on DVD...Sometimes it sucks getting the hand-me-downs from our big brother to the south, but at least we had today off!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Revenge of the Pithed: A Disturbance in the Force

My pals and I saw the new much-anticipated “Star Wars” prequel on Friday night and we agreed that it was pretty good overall. A lot of loose ends were tied, despite some moments of digital weirdness (namely the clones…who were clearly digitally cloned)…How Vader came to be was cool...kind of gruesome, if we weren’t so desensitized, I imagine…Plenty of new marketing opportunities for The Lucas.

You’d think that I would go on to discuss the film, but sadly my experience was slightly tainted by the fellow two seats to my right. He seemed like he was unable to control his pointless outbursts...Sadly, I think he was just a young man searching for acceptance. I normally don’t get upset if someone is acting involuntarily, but in my non-professional assessment, I don’t think that this guy had any “clinical conditions” - other than maybe being spoiled his whole life. During the “Batman Begins” trailer before the feature, he shouted out, “Morgan Freeman is a sexy man!” Which is sorta funny, and if my friend had said it, I probably would have laughed. But you know that feeling you get, where you hope that he’s not going to do this during the feature? All it takes is one person to laugh and he becomes a case study for the phrase, “Don’t encourage him.” Sometimes people are a bit rammy during the coming attractions, but they surprise you by being quiet during the film. Such was not the case here. He did a lot of talking throughout the film, between rattling his dispensed candy in a plastic cup and chewing it with his mouth open...then trying to work it out of his teeth...I considered helping him out on a few occasions…At one point, Anakin sat up in bed because of a nightmare, and the guy, let’s call him “Dickhole,” says, “Someone’s been working out!” I really wanted to focus on the film, so I decided to try to ignore him...I did glare at him a few times, just shocked by his obliviousness and sheer lack of courtesy to those around him...He kept saying and doing things that were irritating me. For some reason, I like to focus on the film when I go to the movies...When the film let out, I considered telling him how annoying I found him to be...I don’t think he’s aware...As it turns out, he’s just a kid…He looked and sounded like a grown man in the dark theatre (Not the things he was saying, but he seemed tall and had a deep voice…the balls have clearly dropped)...

...In my younger days I probably would have at least told the guy to be quiet or at most, something a bit more compelling...But alas, I am older and I guess wiser now... I’m not really sure what my criteria for confrontation are these days...I just know that when I’m driving or in a movie theatre, I become significantly less tolerant of the ignorance of others. I don’t even know if there’s a point to make here, so take it for what it is...

After “Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith” we watched “Team America: World Police - Uncensored” on DVD which had many brilliant moments. The puppets looked really good. It was technically sound and had great action sequences, catchy songs, an amazing love scene...What more could one ask for? When they said it was “...the best puppet movie since 'Armageddon'...” they weren’t kidding!

That’s all for now.

Your Pal,

Zambo.