Eddie Murphy Does James Brown on "Delirious"

This is what I think of first when I think of James Brown...

When I think of Gerald Ford, I think of how he was mocked for his stumbling and the time one of Charles Manson's followers ("Squeaky" Fromme) pointed a gun at him...

I hear it's common for people to hold out 'til after Christmas to die...Personally, I'd prefer to go before all the craziness of it...but that's just me...

My laptop chose to die on Christmas morning too...So I'll be even slower making my rounds than usual...The good news: It's still under warranty...I looked up the problem and it should be relatively routine to repair...The bad news: They're not taking any repairs until the second week of January...and if it's tampered with in any way by anyone other than them, the warranty is nullified...

I'm at work...It's kinda boring...We did month end yesterday, but there aren't many people around...The highways have been less busy and there are lots of parking spaces available...Maybe this is the most wonderful time of the year...to be at work...

Hopefully all is well wherever you are...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

SNL - Digital Short - A Special Christmas Box *Uncensored Ve


It's the gift that keeps on giving...I guess Justin Timberlake can be funny...intentionally...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Holiday Cheer and Other Crap...

Greetings Shoppers.

Today a co-worker asked me if I was all ready for Christmas, and I told him that my prescriptions have been filled and my guns are clean...Oh how we laughed...

We're having a potluck lunch at work next week...The list has been up for what seems like months...It's posted near my cage, so I get to constantly hear any updates or witty comments related to who's bringing what and why throughout the day...I haven't indicated what I'm bringing yet and that seems to ruffle feathers somehow...People really need to know...If only we could all put forth this much energy into our actual work is all I'm thinking...Also, someone wrote that he'd be bringing "Something greasy"...so naturally someone else wrote "Are you bringing a date?" and then someone else wrote "Ha! Ha! Ha!"...So this makes me tired all over, as you can imagine...Last year I wrote "Oreos" and some fuckin' shitbag, who has yet to come forward, wrote "Yuck!" beside it...But don't worry, I know who did it...I mentioned to him that some asshole had written this and he remained silent...nothing new there...We're all growing a little more passive aggressive each day...(Henry Rollins would puke if he knew what I've become)...

But enough about that, or I'm likely to vomit myself just thinking about it...

According to the Gospel of Matthew, King Herod 'the Great' ordered the execution of all male children aged two and younger in the village of Bethlehem to avoid the loss of his throne to a newborn "King of the Jews", whose birth had been related to him by magi (the 'three wise men'). Though there has been some debate over whether or not this story is historically accurate* there have been many paintings depicting this "MASSACRE OF THE INNOCENTS"...it is also affectionately referred to as "The Slaughter of the Innocents" (which I feel rolls off the tongue better)...

*if you're gonna start debating the historical accuracy of the Bible, then good luck to you, friend...That's not for me to tackle....

by Peter Paul Rubens

by Duccio...

So when you're sitting by a nice cozy fire, sipping your eggnog and playing your brand new Christbox 360 (What did you think the "X" stood for? Ask Dan Brown)...Maybe pour out a little nog for the fallen innocents...They died so that the sweet baby Jesus might live...and then die for our salvation...and then rise again…allegedly...and so that we could shop 'til we drop and overeat and get drunk and let our kids sit on strange costumed men's laps at some mall…It's sorta like that cool commercial you've seen many times, but have no idea what the product is later...We've survived so many of these Christmases that maybe we've forgotten what they're really supposed to mean...if we ever knew at all...I guess I know what Christmas should be about, but I've just lost interest...Yet in an album in my office I still have a photo of myself as a young lad on the lap of some guy dressed like Santa, crying my eyes out...It is right next to a picture of me on the lap of another stranger who's dressed as Cookie Monster, smiling my ass off...So what does it all mean? Who the fuck knows?

I hope whatever you're doing this holiday season makes you truly happy and wish all my pals the best in the year(s) to come...

Since I have no way of knowing if my next sneeze will be my last or if I'm gonna drop while shovelling the driveway, I shall strive to make every post special...

That's about all I've got right now...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Stern was just on Conan...It wasn't as good as the Letterman appearance, but still pretty funny...Today on the radio show, everyone gave Howard a Christmas present and if he didn't like it, he was gonna throw it in a wood chipper...He's very hard to please and merciless if he doesn't approve of a gift...The bit didn't really go over so well 'cause the chipper wasn't tested beforehand...They eventually got it to work, but it was too late...But writer Benjy Bronk saved the day with the best gift of all...He gave Howard a little black boy! He sounded very cute and mentioned that he was much better than Maddox and that Stern would be better than Oprah if he was his daddy...(It was all in good fun...The kid's an actor and his parents approved)...Martha Stewart was also a pretty good guest and Pamela Anderson called in to promote her new Playboy project...I guess the Stern crew will be on vacation for the next few weeks...It's gonna be rough...I'll try not to post angry...

Howard on Letterman 1 of 2

Hey Gang!

I hope things are running smoothly...

Here's Stern on Letterman last night...It was a really good appearance...He is the white Oprah!

Here's the second part...I hope it posts...

Anyway, take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

SIX 'WEIRD' THINGS ABOUT ME...

Hello.

I had planned on doing some heavy duty Blogging recently, but I didn't get around to it...I've got lots of stuff to post about, but unfortunately other stuff took precedence...(I'm once again working on re-prioritizing my primary action items)...

Anyway, Angelfire has tagged me...

So here are six weird things about me:

1. I tuck the laces into my shoes when I take them off...especially during winter...
   
   
2. I don't usually heat up food and tend to prefer it served at room temperature or cooler...I guess that might be considered 'weird' by some...
   
   
3. I collect unusual items because I find them interesting and tend to display them...(mannequins, toys, etc.). Some people find this 'weird' but I find many of those people to be boring...
   
   
4. Though I desire silence in theory, I tend to listen to Stern or music or TV all day long...There's not really a moment of silence in my days (daze)...I even go to sleep listening to Howard Stern replays on my wireless headphones...(I no longer shower with the headphones and try to time my showers to coincide with the now shorter commercial breaks)...Why Stern, you may ask? Well it's funny, honest discourse with ballbusting...Lots of ballbusting...In my opinion it's the funniest shit out there, but it's not for everyone...
   
   
5. Like Angelfire, I used to be able to go a long time without peeing...It was often impressive when we would go drinking and I wouldn't 'break the seal' all night...I used to also go once at the end of the day at work...but now I go more often...My bladder's getting older, I guess...Either that or diabetes or something...My pee does taste a lot like maple syrup...So for #5 it could either be that I can go a long time without peeing or that my pee tastes sweet...
   
   
6. I don't really like to talk about myself. I don't share a lot of personal information. I can talk to people about all kinds of stuff, but as soon as they start asking me personal questions, I usually get evasive and avoid answering...I think I hate questions that don't really seem relevant or that I consider to be pointless chatter...Sometimes people use these types of questions to 'break the ice' (which is very different from 'breaking the seal')...Like at weddings or that type of event...They often don't really care about your answer and will ask all the same questions the next time you see them, so what's the point really?...Or they think about what they're gonna say next while you're answering...But it goes beyond that...I also don't like when people ask me where I'm going for lunch...I don't get that and it actually bothers me...What business is it of theirs? I often just say "Out" or the name of the local strip joint...Or counter with something like "Why would you possibly want to know?"...I seriously don't know why they want to know...I don't care where they went for lunch...Are they just making conversation? Please do so elsewhere...Or the old "What are you doing this weekend?"...Listen, if you wanna tell me what you're doing, just tell me. Let's skip the pretenses, shall we?...I really don't care though...Maybe I'm just an anti-social prick...So I guess that's a little weird, huh?...The funny thing is that most people think I'm always kidding...on account of my goofy grin, I suppose, and take my hostility and/or sarcasm as a joke...I'm OK with that...Is that weird?
   
   (My goofy grin is more disarming than say the smile of Ray Liotta, which I find downright creepy)...

So that's that...Oh...and I like apes...(but I don't consider that weird)...

As for tagging...I guess anyone who reads this and wants to do it can do so...If you've already done it, you can refer to the link in the comments section if you so desire...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
Check out Howard Stern on Letterman Tuesday, Conan Thursday and Jimmy Kimmel on Friday! Or not. I will.