Change: It's the only constant...
Let’s get right to the point:
If you’re happy/satisfied/fulfilled with the way things are going for you, then there’s probably no need to read this post, as it’s filled with the ravings of a bitter curmudgeon. It won’t be long before I’m shaking a fist at kids on the street, telling them to get jobs and how hard it was in the “old days”…In all honesty, things aren’t really that bad, but they’re not exactly where I would have thought they’d be by now…My personal life is going well…but…
It seems that a lot of people define others by what they do for a living. Since we spend so much of our time doing it, I guess that makes sense. Personally, I don’t really care what others do or how much they make…(but when you find out that a little piss-ant who works in your building makes close to $100, 000 a year, it can really make you reconsider what’s what…). Whenever I go to a wedding and people start asking me what I do, I try to change the subject. It’s just small talk…(but you know if you’re a plumber, you’re going to get some questions or a call at some point for some “pro bono” work). I find myself saying that my job is “OK for now”…I don’t really want to know what they do, but they seem to be asking so they can tell me something about themselves (usually)…
Anyway, I see all this potential in my friends and in myself and I wonder why we are not doing something better with our lives. Is it possible to have a job where you actually look forward to getting up in the morning? (I have heard that even porn stars get the blues). Can we do something to change our current circumstances? What is it that’s holding us back? Perhaps it’s fear - fear of failure, or the fear of leaving something familiar for something unknown. You could be wildly successful...or you could regret leaving your current unfulfilling job for something even worse…It could always be worse, but it could also be better…The grass is always greener…Be careful what you wish for…Is it clichéd thoughts like these that serve to keep us where we are?
I’m sure there are others who wish they could have our jobs…perhaps because they’re taste-testers at shit factories, or they think we’ve got it good…We seem OK on the surface (sort of) but I don’t think they realize that we have compromised, and basically cheated ourselves, by settling for mediocrity…Maybe our expectations of what our lives should be are too high…There are a lot of variables to consider…A guy with a family might have to take a job solely for the money and that, in itself, could be enough justification.
Plus, most “successful” people are dedicated to achieving goals, whatever they may be…and they make certain sacrifices in order to achieve said goals (loved ones, free time, being nice, fast food, etc. - even TV!). We tend to dismiss such people as assholes and/or sociopaths, and joke about how the corporate world is full of these soulless fuckers. (Although it may be true in many cases, we are using their observed or inferred shortcomings to justify why we’re not like them…successful…rich…happy…We tell ourselves they’re not really happy…). Maybe goals are just too hard to organize and achieve…Maybe we haven’t put forth the effort required to get the dream jobs that we feel entitled to have. No one’s going to hand it to you…
Then there are what a friend once called “Survival Jobs”…"just to tide me over until I figure out my next move"…Steady income at a mindless job…(I think of “Collateral” where the Jamie Foxx character, Max, has a plan in his head…He’s just doing this job for now…until he can do what he really wants to do…Yet he’s been driving the taxi for 12 years…).
I hope that I’m not going to be having these same thoughts the night before they give me my watch for 25 years of service at my current job. Hopefully I’ll have my FAC (Firearm Acquisition Certificate) by then, so that I can shoot myself in the face…Who am I kidding, I can’t even motivate myself to do that (get my FAC)…I’ll have to use an extension cord, I guess…Or a shitload of Robax Platinum. We always seem to want to deflect the blame to others, but we really are the masters of our own destiny. Sure, we may have had to take the bus to high school, but I know we’ve had it pretty good, all things considered…I’m sure there are people with the same general upbringing that we had doing something of value, that they actually enjoy. You hear people say, “I can’t believe they’re actually paying me to do this…” Fuck them.
Shouldn’t we want more? (Isn’t it human nature to keep striving for more…and to always complain?). Are we fooling ourselves into believing that we deserve more? There’s the scene in “Fight Club” where Norton and Pitt (Jack and Tyler) are talking about their fathers…the whole “What do I do now?” thing (…I find it interesting how actors talk about the character that they’re playing as a different person, yet it just made sense to me as I was writing the previous sentence about Pitt and Norton…It wasn’t their words that I wanted to quote, but the words of the characters they were playing…Should I have quoted the screenwriter or the novelist or the actors or the director?…Oh well, back to the point…what was the point?). Oh yeah…we’re lazy…I guess that’s the bottom line. Whether it’s physical or mental laziness…ennui, perhaps?…maybe “chronic fatigue syndrome”…I don’t know…It’s just that we invest so much time and energy in things that are by all account pointless...but why don’t we divert that energy into something productive or “meaningful”?…For instance, I could have been taking measures to improve things right now, but instead I wrote this…see what I mean?
We often talk about possible ventures, perhaps making a film, or starting our own company or developing a website…but that’s all it ever really amounts to…talk…It’s easier to do nothing and then watch as stuff happens around you. Then you can talk about how you could have done it better…if you weren’t such a lazy cunt…
It’s late…Maybe things will seem better in the morning…
Your Pal,
Zambo.
P.S.
A lot of the references to "us" and "you" are mostly aimed at me and are not meant to necessarily judge or criticize others...I'm just reflecting on my own disappointment in myself and I think a few of my buddies will relate to a few points in some way...Sham poo to all my real friends and real poo to all my sham friends...
If you’re happy/satisfied/fulfilled with the way things are going for you, then there’s probably no need to read this post, as it’s filled with the ravings of a bitter curmudgeon. It won’t be long before I’m shaking a fist at kids on the street, telling them to get jobs and how hard it was in the “old days”…In all honesty, things aren’t really that bad, but they’re not exactly where I would have thought they’d be by now…My personal life is going well…but…
It seems that a lot of people define others by what they do for a living. Since we spend so much of our time doing it, I guess that makes sense. Personally, I don’t really care what others do or how much they make…(but when you find out that a little piss-ant who works in your building makes close to $100, 000 a year, it can really make you reconsider what’s what…). Whenever I go to a wedding and people start asking me what I do, I try to change the subject. It’s just small talk…(but you know if you’re a plumber, you’re going to get some questions or a call at some point for some “pro bono” work). I find myself saying that my job is “OK for now”…I don’t really want to know what they do, but they seem to be asking so they can tell me something about themselves (usually)…
Anyway, I see all this potential in my friends and in myself and I wonder why we are not doing something better with our lives. Is it possible to have a job where you actually look forward to getting up in the morning? (I have heard that even porn stars get the blues). Can we do something to change our current circumstances? What is it that’s holding us back? Perhaps it’s fear - fear of failure, or the fear of leaving something familiar for something unknown. You could be wildly successful...or you could regret leaving your current unfulfilling job for something even worse…It could always be worse, but it could also be better…The grass is always greener…Be careful what you wish for…Is it clichéd thoughts like these that serve to keep us where we are?
I’m sure there are others who wish they could have our jobs…perhaps because they’re taste-testers at shit factories, or they think we’ve got it good…We seem OK on the surface (sort of) but I don’t think they realize that we have compromised, and basically cheated ourselves, by settling for mediocrity…Maybe our expectations of what our lives should be are too high…There are a lot of variables to consider…A guy with a family might have to take a job solely for the money and that, in itself, could be enough justification.
Plus, most “successful” people are dedicated to achieving goals, whatever they may be…and they make certain sacrifices in order to achieve said goals (loved ones, free time, being nice, fast food, etc. - even TV!). We tend to dismiss such people as assholes and/or sociopaths, and joke about how the corporate world is full of these soulless fuckers. (Although it may be true in many cases, we are using their observed or inferred shortcomings to justify why we’re not like them…successful…rich…happy…We tell ourselves they’re not really happy…). Maybe goals are just too hard to organize and achieve…Maybe we haven’t put forth the effort required to get the dream jobs that we feel entitled to have. No one’s going to hand it to you…
Then there are what a friend once called “Survival Jobs”…"just to tide me over until I figure out my next move"…Steady income at a mindless job…(I think of “Collateral” where the Jamie Foxx character, Max, has a plan in his head…He’s just doing this job for now…until he can do what he really wants to do…Yet he’s been driving the taxi for 12 years…).
I hope that I’m not going to be having these same thoughts the night before they give me my watch for 25 years of service at my current job. Hopefully I’ll have my FAC (Firearm Acquisition Certificate) by then, so that I can shoot myself in the face…Who am I kidding, I can’t even motivate myself to do that (get my FAC)…I’ll have to use an extension cord, I guess…Or a shitload of Robax Platinum. We always seem to want to deflect the blame to others, but we really are the masters of our own destiny. Sure, we may have had to take the bus to high school, but I know we’ve had it pretty good, all things considered…I’m sure there are people with the same general upbringing that we had doing something of value, that they actually enjoy. You hear people say, “I can’t believe they’re actually paying me to do this…” Fuck them.
Shouldn’t we want more? (Isn’t it human nature to keep striving for more…and to always complain?). Are we fooling ourselves into believing that we deserve more? There’s the scene in “Fight Club” where Norton and Pitt (Jack and Tyler) are talking about their fathers…the whole “What do I do now?” thing (…I find it interesting how actors talk about the character that they’re playing as a different person, yet it just made sense to me as I was writing the previous sentence about Pitt and Norton…It wasn’t their words that I wanted to quote, but the words of the characters they were playing…Should I have quoted the screenwriter or the novelist or the actors or the director?…Oh well, back to the point…what was the point?). Oh yeah…we’re lazy…I guess that’s the bottom line. Whether it’s physical or mental laziness…ennui, perhaps?…maybe “chronic fatigue syndrome”…I don’t know…It’s just that we invest so much time and energy in things that are by all account pointless...but why don’t we divert that energy into something productive or “meaningful”?…For instance, I could have been taking measures to improve things right now, but instead I wrote this…see what I mean?
We often talk about possible ventures, perhaps making a film, or starting our own company or developing a website…but that’s all it ever really amounts to…talk…It’s easier to do nothing and then watch as stuff happens around you. Then you can talk about how you could have done it better…if you weren’t such a lazy cunt…
It’s late…Maybe things will seem better in the morning…
Your Pal,
Zambo.
P.S.
A lot of the references to "us" and "you" are mostly aimed at me and are not meant to necessarily judge or criticize others...I'm just reflecting on my own disappointment in myself and I think a few of my buddies will relate to a few points in some way...Sham poo to all my real friends and real poo to all my sham friends...
posted by Zambo at 1:11 AM
3 Comments:
You just described my life to a "t". Too shy to strip so I became a hostess...wait, no...the whole disappointment in myself and life so far. But then again, those of us with perfect faith, have no need for perfect vision. Just creature comforts and lots of them.
Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I vacillate between thinking, "Christ, I'm a worthless loser... I have two degrees and I've never made more than about $40,000 a year in my LIFE, and most of the time it's been closer to the $20,000 a year range... this given that the poverty line in Canada is what, $19,999?" But then other times I'll be reading a book on Zen or something (yeah, I know, I'm a pretentious dork) and it will be talking about how we're all blindly obsessed with worthless, fleeting, material shit that we neither need nor (deep down) really want, and I'll think, "Fuck it. Who needs money? I can't eat out in a fancy restaurant every night of the week, but I can watch a movie now and then, and I've got my friends and family..." Somehow it rings hollow, though, like I don't really believe it and I'm just saying it to make myself feel better. If only I could either completely embrace my shallow materialism OR completely turn my back on it...
This question is actually pretty relevant right now because a coworker has got me thinking about a job he used to have (for 4 years) teaching in Saudi Arabia. The job and the living conditions (and according to him, Arabs in general) were horrible, but the job paid something like $80,000 CDN a year. Just the thought of that kind of money is giving me a boner. Is it worth spending a year in a shithole to get a bit of money? Remember that I'm 32 and have no savings whatsoever, just deep in debt. Argh.
Anyway, keep up the good woik... And keep thinking of some sort of plan to rescue us from this crap! Maybe we should all move to Saudi and save up enough money to start an action-figure company... Or a porn website...
We would be slaughtered as infidels in Saudi... and all the bitchez wear burkas and shit, so you never know what you're gonna get in terms of poon. On a related note, I was hanging with a guy who works at Toyota the other day, and he's making $110,000 a year working on the line. He went to high school. But if he wants to get a degree, Toyota will pay for it. And they send him over to hang with the Japs once a year. And he gets 8 weeks of vacation. Makes you wonder why we spent years at university like a bunch of assholes...
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