Are you there, God?

It’s me…Zambo.

I know that I haven’t talked to you in a while…I reckon I’ve only got a few good years left, and figured I should make an effort to patch things up with you…

According to Denis Leary, you don’t exist. He makes a pretty good argument:

We live in a country, where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest, Yoko Ono was standing right next to him and not one fucking bullet! Explain that to me! Explain that to me, God!

If you’re out there, please give me a sign: I know! Make it so that no one comments on my blog page…Thanks, big guy…As you know, I’ve adjusted the settings so that comments will require people to type the word that appears onscreen (Thanks for the tip, Beatdogg)… So that should aid to further deter potential comments…Hopefully this will reduce the “blog spam” that’s been going around as well…(until those self-promoting shit-stacks figure a way around it)…

Anyway, please unleash some sort of plague upon the two motorcyclists I encountered on the highway tonight who deserve your famous wrath from back in the day…So could you please dust off your wrath wand and smite them, but good? You could let dogs rape them or let their penises whither with disease…( I was just watching “Rome” again)…Preferably something difficult to pronounce that shall cripple them with pain…Or you could just let them get smeared all over the pavement in their cool leather outfits…It’s only a matter of time anyway…Or maybe you could just enlarge their penises so they won’t have to try so hard to be cool and impressive…

If you could make me rich, that would be pretty cool too. I’d give proper notice at my current job and then do nothing but good deeds…For instance, I’d buy the local cat clinic a replica of the “Pussy Wagon” from “Kill Bill”…

Also, I will fight the urge to shatter the voice boxes of people who are condescending, insincere and insensitive…and those who exhibit unsubstantiated arrogance…those who try to dazzle others with their contrived irreverence and fancy chicanery…or those who use “business-speak” like it’s a real language…(You know my triggers)…

I have wondered for some time how you could have let this happen:

I shit you not...David Caruso was somehow voted "Sexiest Male" in the July 30 - August 5 issue of Canadian TV Guide...The category was actually "Favourite Eyecandy"...

I actually bought this particular issue because Evangeline Lilly was on the cover...(but not really in the magazine...one sentence, I think...Why, God? Why?)

Anyway, thanks for all the good things...

("Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour." That Earl guy said this in "Vanilla Sky").

So in closing, please bless Ma and Pa, Lasagna and all my pals out there…If you could get Chico a helper monkey who looks a bit like E.T. that would be swell.

Also, thanks for Jennifer Garner on Leno...Gotta go now...I know that things don't look too good for "Alias"...Wow! She's quite pregnant! She's looking pretty good...Rubenesque...She has a glow and her boobs are filling out quite nicely...She seems sweet...Affleck seems like a cool guy in real life...but his movies...not so good...Everything he's done after "Good Will Hunting"...Not so good... (except "Project Greenlight" where he's himself)...Anyway, "Alias" starts up again on Thursday...God, please help it to not suck...(last season's finale...also not so good...but the very last scene was kinda cool...hopefully they can "course correct" ~ not in the business speak sense, but more like a plane that has strayed from its flight path)...This is rumoured to be Garner's last season...Affleck is reported to be considering a future in politics...Good luck to them...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S. She just "accidentally" revealed that they're having a daughter. But you already knew that.