Chestnut Stuffing
Greetings Folks.
I haven't been in the greatest of moods lately. The days are shorter and colder and darker...But I'm trying to keep positive...I've been popping the Robax Platinum every few hours and drinking the rum that I keep in my drawer...for just such an emergency. This seems to be helping. It's not for everyone though.
This is the time of year when chestnuts are in season. I really like them. I roast them in my toaster oven (because our fireplace is gas)...If you've never had them, they are sort of like potatoes in texture, but a little bit sweeter. My mom puts them in her turkey stuffing and overall, I have a pretty good association with chestnuts. (I usually cut an "X" in the shell and roast them 'til the shell rolls a bit exposing the golden nut within...Grow up!).
Anyway, as I was having some chestnuts the other night and I remembered a chapter in Chuck Palahniuk's "Choke" that combines three of my favourite things: simians, chestnuts and porn! Though not necessarily in a good way...
Anyway, here is that story:
Warning: The following contains information which may haunt you forever. Read at your own risk.
Even though this story is not an "old chestnut" I really enjoy Mr. Palahniuk's work and would encourage anyone who likes great stories somewhat grounded in reality to check out his books. He wrote "Fight Club" which (in my opinion) was one of those few cases where the film was as good, if not better than, the book.
Anyway, I'd better get back to work.
Talk to you later.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
I haven't been in the greatest of moods lately. The days are shorter and colder and darker...But I'm trying to keep positive...I've been popping the Robax Platinum every few hours and drinking the rum that I keep in my drawer...for just such an emergency. This seems to be helping. It's not for everyone though.
This is the time of year when chestnuts are in season. I really like them. I roast them in my toaster oven (because our fireplace is gas)...If you've never had them, they are sort of like potatoes in texture, but a little bit sweeter. My mom puts them in her turkey stuffing and overall, I have a pretty good association with chestnuts. (I usually cut an "X" in the shell and roast them 'til the shell rolls a bit exposing the golden nut within...Grow up!).
Anyway, as I was having some chestnuts the other night and I remembered a chapter in Chuck Palahniuk's "Choke" that combines three of my favourite things: simians, chestnuts and porn! Though not necessarily in a good way...
Anyway, here is that story:
Warning: The following contains information which may haunt you forever. Read at your own risk.
Even though this story is not an "old chestnut" I really enjoy Mr. Palahniuk's work and would encourage anyone who likes great stories somewhat grounded in reality to check out his books. He wrote "Fight Club" which (in my opinion) was one of those few cases where the film was as good, if not better than, the book.
Anyway, I'd better get back to work.
Talk to you later.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
posted by Zambo at 10:16 AM
11 Comments:
I almost choked drinking my water while reading those pages. For some reason, I think only you could find something that combines three highly unrelated things that you like in such an odd way. I'm still laughing. I just read that line again describing the crouching monkey just waiting there with the next chestnut. That poor poor monkey.
Hey Ladies.
Today was one of those days where I just didn't feel like working. I did my best to make the most of it though...It's weird that even when I only put forth a half-assed effort, it's still a lot more than when some people talk about how they give "110%"...But I digest...mmm...pizza...
Hi S*.
I sometimes chuckle when I think of that "Crouching Monkey, Hidden Chestnut" story...Chuck's latest book "Haunted" (which makes no reference to monkeys...but there's a cool Bigfoot story...) contains a short story called Guts that he claims always causes somebody problems when he reads it for a crowd...People often faint or puke, or both...some try to rush out of the building but sometimes don't make it...
Keeks,
Whiskey tends to render me pantless and I "lose time" (black out)...I've already been written up for that...Thrice, as a matter of fact...So that's Why I keep rum on hand...The smooth taste of "Parrot Bay" or "Malibu" coconut rum helps me get through the day sometimes...Stirred ~ not shaken ~ for best results...
Talk to you later.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
My, my. I guess you were serious about the rum. Well I guess it's better than a bag of coke or a vial of heroine (or whatever it comes in) in your drawer.
My name is Zambo and I'm...
But seriously, I don't have a problem. I can quit whenever I want to...really...
(The job...not the drinking...Love the drinking!)...
Anyway, back to business.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
For a second there, I thought the story was going to end with the monkey trying to "pluck the banana from the tree" and a trip to the emergency room. We all know how monkeys go straight for the genitals... Maybe it's different with orangutans, they seem a little gentler than chimps. I don't think a chimp could have played Clyde in "Every Which Way But Loose"... there would have been bloodshed.
"Rum and Robax"... I like it. It's got a nice ring to it. Kinda like Gin and Tonic, or Rye and Ginger. You could call it "The Terry Schiavo" because I'm sure you'd end up riding a hospital bed for the rest of your days if you had a few too many of those things. Another nice combo is Tylenol Cold & Flu with a few White Russians... give it half an hour and you'll be talking to furniture. We could call that one a "KGB". Hmmm. I'm sensing a potential coffee table book here: nicknames for over-the-counter medications mixed with hard liquor. You could have a celebrity section. The Mike Tyson: Rohypnol, Viagra and Olde English. The Michael Jackson: Ritalin, Grape Juice and Vodka. The Paris Hilton: birth control, Gravol (cuz she's sickening) and Champagne. Maybe a good dose of antibiotics, too, that skank is sure to be lugging around a plague or two.
Aaaaight, back to the grind. I got chestnuts to polish.
Oh Beatdogg.
That's some funny shit!
A good worker is a relaxed worker, I always say.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
Good Lord, Beatdogg! You had me cracking up.
Mmmm...absinthe. Can you get that legally in Canada? Always wanted to see how a bit o' the wormword would affect my writing. Not that I was asking you so you could smuggle me some. Nothing like that. ;) Imagine having THAT in your desk drawer.
"Wormwood" was my nickname in high school. In my defense, it was cold, and I had just been swimming...
Keeks, you are too funny with the Degas picture. I thought he only liked dancers. Anyway, that chick looks like she needs a Red Bull or something.
Beatdogg, you apparently live in a world all his own ;)
Hey Zambo,
reading the conversation here in the comments reminded me of the day a friend and I were out of booze, pot, and everything was closed. We did the only thing we could. We bought a large bottle of Benalyn Cough Syrup. The effect was a lot less like booze and a lot more like acid, with the bonus of clearing the sinus.
There was some minor freaking out, a little loss of balance, the inability to drive, great and sudden fear, and very little sleep. Not recommended
J
Hey J.
I just spotted your coment...
Did you drink the whole bottle?
I've heard of underaged kids getting hopped up on cough syrup, but have never tried it myself...
Sounds not so good.
Take care.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
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