CHIMP ATTACKS, FACE TRANSPLANTS AND HUFU!
Since there seemed to be little interest in my touching tribute to John Lennon...and Lady Di...
In the spirit of "give them what they want"...I am providing a link to a chimp attacking a guy who thought he could "walk with the animals, talk with the animals"...(I must warn you that the link leads to a site containing a lot of explicit porn ads. Not really sure how to avoid that...So I'm giving you the option to not go to it...but I'm not gonna lie to you...it's pretty cool footage. No chimps were harmed in the video).
With all the recent chimp attacks ~ and the ones that are sure to follow ~ it's a good thing they're working on face transplants (scroll to "Woman gets new face") ......I wonder if St. James' situation qualifies as ..."an exceptional situation requiring an exceptional response."
Something that I've been meaning to discuss for several months now is a product on the market called HUFU ...marketed as "The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative"...Seriously...
This image has nothing to do with Hufu, but I thought it appropriate for obvious reasons.
"The Daily Show" did a segment on it a while back. It's one of those products that makes you wonder WHY?!? (See their FAQs section)...Anyway, The guy in the chimp attack video clip above can be seen throwing what I believe to be Hufu, along with fruit, at the chimps...to quell their taste for human flesh. But any combatant or hunter will tell you that there's nothing better than scoring your own kill..."To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women! " Chimps are no different. The rush of adrenaline, the smells of sweat and urine as you're gnawing off a man's hand, face and genitalia...Forget about it! (I think Madonna wrote about this too)...
So if you're still not sure what to get "the person who has everything" for Christmas. Why not try Hufu: The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative?
Your Pal,
Zambo.
posted by Zambo at 10:52 AM
10 Comments:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Zam, for starting my week off right. Didn't click on Chimp Guevarra (I'm at work), but I was digging the image. Then I read on and there it is....a packaged human meat image. I just may have to get up and leave. HUFU. Sounds like the gagging noise I made when I saw it.
And here I was innocently coming to your blog to tell you how sad I was about this being Stern's last week and whether I should head uptown to watch him do "The Walk".
Blech!
Hi S*.
Sorry about that...
You should "lock arms" with Stern and crew! You'll regret it if you don't!
I bought the SIRIUS goods on the weekend. Now I just have to "activate"...but there are all sorts of potential complications involved...I wish it was "legal" to just subscribe legitimately...If dreams were horses, then hobos would ride, I guess...or something to that effect...
I have to impose on someone to use the credit card associated with the U.S. address that I had to use to purchase it...
I feel like a criminal...My stomach hurts...can't sleep...
Anyway, I gotta go...People need me to do my job, I guess...It's nice to come in on a Monday morning and to be bombarded with all sorts of shit marked ASAP...
Happy Holidays!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
Hey Keeks.
In order to get the Howard Stern radio show, you have to get SIRIUS through the US. (See my earlier rant entitled "You're Not Sirius" from November 16th)...You cannot legitimately buy one unless you have a US address. Then, you have to hook it up and activate it...(You could use a Canadian credit card with a different name, I suppose...but I think that could lead to some entanglements down the road...Needless to say my usual holiday stress has been "kicked up a notch" or "ramped up" for any business speakbots who may read this)...
So basically you can get the Canadian version, but its stations are limited to those deemed suitable for Canadian consumption by the CRTC. Therefore, no Stern. For me, Stern is the only reason to get it. Maybe once all this anxiety is behind me, I will come to enjoy some of the other stations offered. But right now, I'm an anxious mess...
Talk to you later.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
Hey Buddy.
That's the episode where Peter is diagnosed as being "retarded"...The monkey incident was pretty funny...I also like the evil monkey that Chris fears...
As for the satellite stuff. It'll probably be easier for you because you'll be using a friend's info. Be sure it's OK to get the actual radio using his/her address info...and that it's OK to pay for the "activation" with his/her credit card...then you can reimburse him/her...That's the easiest way to do it, I think...(unless you find a place that will let you do it through them all at once...unofficially).
Anyway, dootie calls...
Take it easy out there.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
Hi 8th dwarf (Sloppy, is it?)...
I'm donating an eye, a kidney and a testicle to the cause...Maybe both testicles. I'm done with them, I think...They're somewhere in Lasagna's purse...(What Borat could also refer to as a "teste satchel")...But I kid, of course.
I'm in a funny mood right now. I'm not necessarily being funny, but more feeling funny...We just wrote out some Christmas cards (Lasagna wrote out about 80 and I wrote like 12...I'm not ashamed to say that I still complained and swore a lot...Smudging makes me so angry!)...She bought cards with sparkles on them, and I think I may have ingested a few too many...They're just so shiny...We were eating chocolate-covered almonds as we wrote the cards too...Did I mention I feel funny?
Anyway, The Daily Show is a repeat...Looking at Adrien Brody's face straight-on makes me somewhat uneasy...could be the sparkles though... King Kong opens Wednesday!
Talk to you later.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
P.S.
Jack Black was just on Letterman...He's surprisingly spry, possessing a mellow exuberance that's just plain cool. He was crackin' me up...A consummate showman in compact form...Awesome, but affordable...Front man of folk metal duo Tenacious D...and also in King Kong...Wednesday...He'll be on Conan Thursday...
That's it for now...
Zambo,
Thanks for the entertaining reading of late. It has an immensely soothing effect on me for some reason... perhaps reading about the unease of others... Hey, don't the Germans (I capitalise that word only reluctantly) have a word that means "enjoying the misfortune of others"? I was trying to remember it the other day, but of course, I had nothing to go by.
I have yet to check out that "Healthy Human Meat Substitute" link (I'm saving the best for last) ... but I saw something else equally (?) disturbing in the newspaper the other day. Apparently, there is a huge rate of sexual attacks and rapes in South Africa right now, which is all the more worrisome because of the high rate of HIV infection there. Some woman has invented a cute little gadget called a "Rape Trap" ... read all about it at:
http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/controversy-in-south-africa-over-device-to-snare-rapists/2005/09/01/1125302683893.html
Hi Gobbles!
Congratulations on that thing...with the stuff...at that place...
I believe the word you are thinking of is "schadenfreude" or "nazi"...
I checked out that "Rape Trap" link...I can see that only being used for good...We should make celebrity gift baskets, including Hufu, Rapex and other horrible ideas that I can't think of at the moment...
If we don't talk soon, have a safe horiday!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
P.S.
Gobbles,
Please e-mail me an address to which I can send your sparkly Christmas card to...for...six...ate...
Must sleep now...still feeling funny...
You are absolutely right about the word schadenfreude. I lived with a German couple and their baby for one and a half very long years. That was one of the first words I learned from them.
I hope Lasagna isn't one of those Mary Tyler Moore-type gals swinging her purse with abandon..what, with your balls in it and all.
Hey S*
I was just kidding about the balls thing...But she is a bit like MTM in the sense that she's been known to throw her beret in crowded city centres with reckless abandon ...
Incidentally, MTM was the first girl I ever had a crush on...She was pretty and she seemed so nice...I didn't realize what those feelings were at the time...But alas, I have to leave my safe place now...I'm needed in surgery right away...Not really, someone with no upper body strength wants me to change the water cooler bottle..."Strength" isn't in the job description...but I'm always willing to help out. At least it wasn't the old, "I need to borrow your big muscles" trick...I always want to retort with, "Do you intend to dissect me with that blunt little tool?" in my best Anthony Hopkins voice. emphasizing the Southern drawl...(See "The Silence of the Lambs")...
Drink responsibly out there.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
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