In a Sense...Lost

Is this thing on?

2010-03-31T11:43:00.002-04:00

Hi.

It's been quite a while since I last updated this thing. I had to log in a few times because I had trouble remembering my password.

Things seem OK. I've had less time to write even though there's a lot to write about.

Check out Banksy's work:

Also check out the Oprah's site for the latest in chimp attack news.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Sickening...

2007-12-10T14:15:00.000-05:00

Hey Gang.

I was listening to Stern today (as I do every morning) and he mentioned the piece on "60 Minutes" last night about Gorillas being shot in the Congo by assholes...

Click here to check it out...It's pretty sad though...

(If you should happen to see a guy about to shoot a gorilla in the back, do me a favour and take him down the hard way)...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

This Almost Makes Phil Collins Cool...Almost...

2007-09-26T17:32:00.000-04:00

Hey Gang!

I hope all is well.

It's been a while since I've posting anything of substance...Several years maybe...

Anyway, thanks to Beatdogg for the link!

Check it out...It's pretty awesome...

Take care out there, wherever you may find yourself.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

The Dancing Lessons Pay Off

2007-08-23T12:17:00.000-04:00

Hello.

Check this out.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

It's Been A Trip...But It's Almost Over...

2007-02-22T03:32:00.000-05:00

Hey Gang.

I hope all is well.

We did our helicopter ride to the Great Barrier Reef, where we were transported to the ship on which we were to spend the night. They welcomed us aboard and told us about the ship's schedule which was pretty much: dive brief, then eat, then dive, repeated about six times throughout the day. Despite the rainy weather, we did manage to get four dives in. It was awesome!

We got to do two regular dives and one night dive. The next morning, our 6 am dive was cancelled due to weather (but I was up and ready...Lasagna was getting a bit sea sick and debating over whether or not she would do the morning dive)...But the weather cleared and we got to go out on a smaller boat and fall in frog man style. Again, awesome! All my Ralph Phillips type daydreams came true.

We're here in Melbourne at the moment...on the last leg of our trip. It's been a lot of fun and I'm not regretting giving up a kidney and lots of sperm to get here...

I have taken hundreds of pix, both digital and with a reusable underwater cam...Hopefully those turn out...I had almost forgotten about old fashioned film...The digital camera has spoiled us...Maybe I'll got through all the pix at a later date and organize them in some way...We'll see how that goes...

So in Hawaii, we drove by Dog's (The Bounty Hunter's) office, but to be honest the driver wasn't all that clear on where it was...So no pic of that...But our flight from Cairns to Sydney en route to Melbourne was cool for me. Lasagna wanted to go and brush her teeth when we landed at Sydney airport, so she left me at the seats near a window. I thought I'd power up my laptop and see if I could get online somehow...but if not, I was gonna look at some of our pix...I happened to look over at the passengers of a flight that had just arrived and I saw someone from behind who looked a lot to me like Mikey from one of my favourite shows, American Chopper. He was wearing a navy blue T-shirt, shorts and sandals. His pony tail looked a little longer, but he had that Mikey walk...Then a few more people came out and suddenly there was Paul Sr.!!! Lasagna was nowhere in sight and I had all my gear out...I put it down and moved in for a closer look. It was them! So I started to power off my laptop and had planned on carrying all the gear with me to get a pic of the O.C.C. boys...No Paul Jr. though...Anyway, as I was about to put everything away, Lasagna appeared and was approaching. I gave her the rundown and told her to hold tight with the gear and that I would be right back...I grabbed the camera and powered it on, as I prepared to sprint through the airport (and maybe to get tackled by an over-zealous security guard)...So as I turned the corner, Paul Sr. was waiting near the restroom area with his small entourage. (I think Mikey had to drop the kids off at the pool, maybe)...Anyway, I got some pix and they were pretty nice during our brief encounter, considering that they seemed a bit tired from travel...

Paul Sr.

Mikey!

Paul Sr. said they were filming in the area, but not building a bike...I mentioned that I look forward to the episode and other nerdy fan stuff and shook Mikey's hand (I hope he washed his hands, but I didn't really care)...And then Lasagna and I caught our flight to Melbourne.

We went on a city tour early the next morning that was to last 'til late into the night. My personal highlight was witnessing some dude getting arrested in the street...

It was a long day of touring and we got to see more kangaroos and wallabies and koalas...

But the night was to culminate with the viewing of the march of the penguins, if you will...

We were seated in concrete bleachers, waiting for night to fall so that the little penguins would come out of the sea and waddle to their nests. No photography or recording devices of any kind are allowed at this place, (but they have floodlights and loudspeakers and ignorant spectators who make all kinds of noise)...They're trying to keep the penguins free from human intervention...Weird...I guess they want tourists to spend more on pix and souvenirs...It's for a good cause, I guess...

I did manage to get a few pix of some of the early birds at the beach though...

Anyway, that's it for now...I just thought I'd post an update...I only managed to visit a few of my Blogger Pals, but I hope to check in with everybody...eventually...

Take care out there!

If I get ambitious (not likely) I may set up a photo Blog for some of the better pix I've taken...We'll see...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

G'DAY, MATES!

2007-02-15T08:14:00.000-05:00

How ya goin'? Is what I would say if I lived around here...I still get a bit caught off guard with that one...And if you apolgize to anyone, they tend to say "You're alright, mate"...

Anyway, we flew to Cairns today. Yesterday we swam with sharks at a place called Ocean World in a city called Manly. Yup, Manly. A local sports guy was in the tank just before us and there was a lot of media attention. (I told the girl behind the counter that we're celebrities in Canada, and that I hoped the press would give us some privacy 'cause we're on vacation).

Shark from in tank.

I'm not gonna lie to you, it was pretty fuckin' cool! Lasagna doesn't like fish touching her under water, so she wore a hood and gloves. She was doing fine...until the end of our dive, when some type of ray began to smother her and she got a bit freaked out...We were told that they like the bubbles from divers, and will swim over them...Anyway, she no likey...

Ray from outside of tank.

But other than that, it was awesome. The turtles are actually more dangerous than the sharks. We were told to move out of their way if they seemed to be swimming towards us. At one point I got bonked on the head from behind...It was one of them ornery turtles.

Turtle from outside tank.

The day before yesterday we spent the whole day at the Taronga Zoo in Sydney. It was awesome too! Lots of my simian pals were there. Though they're 'in captivity', they have pretty nice lives, I think. They seemed happy and well-cared for. (I slipped them some escape plans though...just in case)...

Here are a few pix...I'll post more later, but we gotta get up bright and early for more adventure-type stuff...I feel a bit like Johnny Quest's dad, except I've got Lasagna...not that red-headed bearded dude, Race Bannon...

I guess most of you would want to see the following pix...Here's a pic of this little rascal taking it easy too...

...and these little guys can't be ignored around here, I guess...

I'll leave you with this image...

Remember, timing is everything!

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Aloha, Bitches!

2007-02-14T19:02:00.000-05:00

Hello Blogger Pals,

Just a few pix from Hawaii...

We swam with the dolphins!

We saw a few surfer dudes from the boat...Lasagna was getting a little bit queasy, but she didn't throw up...Two other folks did though...I felt sorry for them so I didn't take pix...(I'm getting soft in my old age, I guess)...here's some pix of the aforementioned surfer dudes...

We also saw a few whales, but I didn't get too many good pix (they're quicker than they look)...Fortunately there was a pro photographer who tags along on these tours and swims with us and I bought the CD of the day's adventures...We asked him to mail it in a few weeks...

Later that night we went out to dinner at the hotel restaurant...I took a pic of the menu if you're interested...

I had the Mahi Mahi sandwich (local fish). It was good. Subtle, almost like chicken...Lasagna had the Hawaiian Style Chicken Caesar...It looked pretty good too...

We washed them down with some tasty drinks...

These fellas played familiar tunes with a Hawaiian twist as we dined by the beach...It was pretty cool...

Next post will be Australia stuff...

Thanks for dropping by to visit and I'm sorry I haven't been too Bloggy lately...I can't promise I'll get to it, but I'll try...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

I'm listening to my pal Howard Stern online as Lasagna dreams of our further adventures. She's a tough little chick and she's all tuckered out right now. Cute. Stern's playing a clip of the time Green Day was in and swore up a storm in the song "Platypus (I Hate You)" ...(check out towards the end...It didn't air at the time)...So Anna Nicole Smith is dead, huh?...I really don't have anything else to say about that...and Howard Stern got engaged to long-time girlfriend, Beth O. (Not to be confused with one of the potential fathers of Anna Nicole's love child, and her lawyer/boyfriend, Howard K. Stern)...

Long Overdue...

2007-01-24T18:01:00.000-05:00

Greetings Blogger Pals.

I hope this note finds you all well.

So I got my laptop back a few weeks ago...good as new, but I haven't had a lot of free time to do much Blogging...

I'm not gonna lie to you, the year's off to a bit of a shaky start...On our first day back in January our boss got called to a meeting. He was asked to bring his laptop to this meeting...Apparently this is the corporate equivalent of seeing a plastic drop sheet on the floor in mob circles. Needless to say, he was 'let go'...It would appear that the company I work for is employing a new strategy in its pursuit of profit. I won't go into too much detail, but in my opinion, this tactic will involve a lot more sales people and a lot less people who still have their souls...(In a rather ironic twist, the guy who fired our boss used to be our boss...He's retiring, so we're all chipping in to get him a gift...a laptop)...So we got a new boss and businessbots from head office will be visiting to shake things up. Pretty cool, huh? Our new boss seems nice though...I'll keep you posted on any interesting Head Office developments...

But enough about that nonsense...As I type this I'm sitting in Miami International Airport, en route to Hawaii...Things got all messed up this morning though...When we got to Toronto, the lady at the desk told us that our flight to Chicago had been cancelled due to weather...But she could re-route us. When she checked our info, it would seem that our flight plans had been changed...She said that we were supposed to leave yesterday and that we missed the flight...(Nobody told us though)...But not to worry, she turned out to be very nice and hooked us up with some sweet seats and now we're in Miami...We have a longer layover here than was originally planned for Chicago, but I'm thinking that things will turn out OK. We coulda tried to get to Honolulu on an earlier flight, but our luggage won't get there 'til much later...Lasagna got on the horn and everything should go as originally planned...after today...maybe...

The plane that brought us to Miami...

...I got interrupted for a few minutes there...

As I was working on this post, in a kinda remote part of the airport, with an outlet to plug this thing into, a security guy comes over and I give him the old courtesy nod that tough guys do...Then another security guy comes over and sits across from me...Then another one comes over and sits to the right of me...I started to wonder if I was about to be taken down the hard way. I smiled at the guy across from me and told him I felt like I was being surrounded. He said that I was about to be really surrounded...I guess they meet here every day to do a head count and go over Security stuff before their meeting...So I start to feel uncomfortable and ask the guy to my right if I should go and he said yeah. So I start to pack my shit up...iPod, Laptop, camera, etc. ...I ask if I can just leave my stuff here, since it's plugged in and go away 'til they're done, then come back...Then he says it's OK, they'll be done in a minute. So the Grand Pubah of Security comes by and tells them they have 30 seconds to get downstairs. By now there are about 20 security folks all around me...They're all kidding around and then the guy goes, "20 seconds"...Sound like a load of laughs, that guy...

Anyway, I'm listening to Stern online right now...I forgot I could do that...I must be slipping...

So here's some simian-type stuff for you:

The new delightful snack from Vachon...Igor. Tasty and available in chocolate and vanilla.

The Further Adventures of Trunk Monkey (But it's really a chimp)..

And now som truly classic footage from Man vs. Beast on Fox a few years ago...It's not all ape-related, but it's all amazing!

Chimp vs. Navy Seal

Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi Vs. Oso Kodiak

Elephant vs. Little People

Sumo vs. Orangutan

For those of you who are still checking in, that's what's happening in Zambotown.

I'll do my best to make the rounds...

Take care out there, Bloggerinos!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-12-28T12:13:00.000-05:00

Eddie Murphy Does James Brown on "Delirious"

This is what I think of first when I think of James Brown...

When I think of Gerald Ford, I think of how he was mocked for his stumbling and the time one of Charles Manson's followers ("Squeaky" Fromme) pointed a gun at him...

I hear it's common for people to hold out 'til after Christmas to die...Personally, I'd prefer to go before all the craziness of it...but that's just me...

My laptop chose to die on Christmas morning too...So I'll be even slower making my rounds than usual...The good news: It's still under warranty...I looked up the problem and it should be relatively routine to repair...The bad news: They're not taking any repairs until the second week of January...and if it's tampered with in any way by anyone other than them, the warranty is nullified...

I'm at work...It's kinda boring...We did month end yesterday, but there aren't many people around...The highways have been less busy and there are lots of parking spaces available...Maybe this is the most wonderful time of the year...to be at work...

Hopefully all is well wherever you are...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-12-24T11:03:00.000-05:00

SNL - Digital Short - A Special Christmas Box *Uncensored Ve

It's the gift that keeps on giving...I guess Justin Timberlake can be funny...intentionally...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Holiday Cheer and Other Crap...

2006-12-15T01:12:00.000-05:00

Greetings Shoppers.

Today a co-worker asked me if I was all ready for Christmas, and I told him that my prescriptions have been filled and my guns are clean...Oh how we laughed...

We're having a potluck lunch at work next week...The list has been up for what seems like months...It's posted near my cage, so I get to constantly hear any updates or witty comments related to who's bringing what and why throughout the day...I haven't indicated what I'm bringing yet and that seems to ruffle feathers somehow...People really need to know...If only we could all put forth this much energy into our actual work is all I'm thinking...Also, someone wrote that he'd be bringing "Something greasy"...so naturally someone else wrote "Are you bringing a date?" and then someone else wrote "Ha! Ha! Ha!"...So this makes me tired all over, as you can imagine...Last year I wrote "Oreos" and some fuckin' shitbag, who has yet to come forward, wrote "Yuck!" beside it...But don't worry, I know who did it...I mentioned to him that some asshole had written this and he remained silent...nothing new there...We're all growing a little more passive aggressive each day...(Henry Rollins would puke if he knew what I've become)...

But enough about that, or I'm likely to vomit myself just thinking about it...

According to the Gospel of Matthew, King Herod 'the Great' ordered the execution of all male children aged two and younger in the village of Bethlehem to avoid the loss of his throne to a newborn "King of the Jews", whose birth had been related to him by magi (the 'three wise men'). Though there has been some debate over whether or not this story is historically accurate* there have been many paintings depicting this "MASSACRE OF THE INNOCENTS"...it is also affectionately referred to as "The Slaughter of the Innocents" (which I feel rolls off the tongue better)...

*if you're gonna start debating the historical accuracy of the Bible, then good luck to you, friend...That's not for me to tackle....

by Peter Paul Rubens

by Duccio...

So when you're sitting by a nice cozy fire, sipping your eggnog and playing your brand new Christbox 360 (What did you think the "X" stood for? Ask Dan Brown)...Maybe pour out a little nog for the fallen innocents...They died so that the sweet baby Jesus might live...and then die for our salvation...and then rise again…allegedly...and so that we could shop 'til we drop and overeat and get drunk and let our kids sit on strange costumed men's laps at some mall…It's sorta like that cool commercial you've seen many times, but have no idea what the product is later...We've survived so many of these Christmases that maybe we've forgotten what they're really supposed to mean...if we ever knew at all...I guess I know what Christmas should be about, but I've just lost interest...Yet in an album in my office I still have a photo of myself as a young lad on the lap of some guy dressed like Santa, crying my eyes out...It is right next to a picture of me on the lap of another stranger who's dressed as Cookie Monster, smiling my ass off...So what does it all mean? Who the fuck knows?

I hope whatever you're doing this holiday season makes you truly happy and wish all my pals the best in the year(s) to come...

Since I have no way of knowing if my next sneeze will be my last or if I'm gonna drop while shovelling the driveway, I shall strive to make every post special...

That's about all I've got right now...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Stern was just on Conan...It wasn't as good as the Letterman appearance, but still pretty funny...Today on the radio show, everyone gave Howard a Christmas present and if he didn't like it, he was gonna throw it in a wood chipper...He's very hard to please and merciless if he doesn't approve of a gift...The bit didn't really go over so well 'cause the chipper wasn't tested beforehand...They eventually got it to work, but it was too late...But writer Benjy Bronk saved the day with the best gift of all...He gave Howard a little black boy! He sounded very cute and mentioned that he was much better than Maddox and that Stern would be better than Oprah if he was his daddy...(It was all in good fun...The kid's an actor and his parents approved)...Martha Stewart was also a pretty good guest and Pamela Anderson called in to promote her new Playboy project...I guess the Stern crew will be on vacation for the next few weeks...It's gonna be rough...I'll try not to post angry...

2006-12-13T09:45:00.000-05:00

Howard on Letterman 1 of 2

Hey Gang!

I hope things are running smoothly...

Here's Stern on Letterman last night...It was a really good appearance...He is the white Oprah!

Here's the second part...I hope it posts...

Anyway, take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

SIX 'WEIRD' THINGS ABOUT ME...

2006-12-11T10:43:00.000-05:00

Hello.

I had planned on doing some heavy duty Blogging recently, but I didn't get around to it...I've got lots of stuff to post about, but unfortunately other stuff took precedence...(I'm once again working on re-prioritizing my primary action items)...

Anyway, Angelfire has tagged me...

So here are six weird things about me:

I tuck the laces into my shoes when I take them off...especially during winter...
I don't usually heat up food and tend to prefer it served at room temperature or cooler...I guess that might be considered 'weird' by some...
I collect unusual items because I find them interesting and tend to display them...(mannequins, toys, etc.). Some people find this 'weird' but I find many of those people to be boring...
Though I desire silence in theory, I tend to listen to Stern or music or TV all day long...There's not really a moment of silence in my days (daze)...I even go to sleep listening to Howard Stern replays on my wireless headphones...(I no longer shower with the headphones and try to time my showers to coincide with the now shorter commercial breaks)...Why Stern, you may ask? Well it's funny, honest discourse with ballbusting...Lots of ballbusting...In my opinion it's the funniest shit out there, but it's not for everyone...
Like Angelfire, I used to be able to go a long time without peeing...It was often impressive when we would go drinking and I wouldn't 'break the seal' all night...I used to also go once at the end of the day at work...but now I go more often...My bladder's getting older, I guess...Either that or diabetes or something...My pee does taste a lot like maple syrup...So for #5 it could either be that I can go a long time without peeing or that my pee tastes sweet...
I don't really like to talk about myself. I don't share a lot of personal information. I can talk to people about all kinds of stuff, but as soon as they start asking me personal questions, I usually get evasive and avoid answering...I think I hate questions that don't really seem relevant or that I consider to be pointless chatter...Sometimes people use these types of questions to 'break the ice' (which is very different from 'breaking the seal')...Like at weddings or that type of event...They often don't really care about your answer and will ask all the same questions the next time you see them, so what's the point really?...Or they think about what they're gonna say next while you're answering...But it goes beyond that...I also don't like when people ask me where I'm going for lunch...I don't get that and it actually bothers me...What business is it of theirs? I often just say "Out" or the name of the local strip joint...Or counter with something like "Why would you possibly want to know?"...I seriously don't know why they want to know...I don't care where they went for lunch...Are they just making conversation? Please do so elsewhere...Or the old "What are you doing this weekend?"...Listen, if you wanna tell me what you're doing, just tell me. Let's skip the pretenses, shall we?...I really don't care though...Maybe I'm just an anti-social prick...So I guess that's a little weird, huh?...The funny thing is that most people think I'm always kidding...on account of my goofy grin, I suppose, and take my hostility and/or sarcasm as a joke...I'm OK with that...Is that weird?

(My goofy grin is more disarming than say the smile of Ray Liotta, which I find downright creepy)...

So that's that...Oh...and I like apes...(but I don't consider that weird)...

As for tagging...I guess anyone who reads this and wants to do it can do so...If you've already done it, you can refer to the link in the comments section if you so desire...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
Check out Howard Stern on Letterman Tuesday, Conan Thursday and Jimmy Kimmel on Friday! Or not. I will.

Casino Royale With Cheese

2006-11-19T17:42:00.000-05:00

Hey out there!

I hope all is going well.

Just taking a few minutes to check in.

It was an action-packed weekend...Well Saturday was anyway...

A few pals and I went to see the new Bond film, Casino Royale, which was pretty good overall. Though there were flaws, I rather enjoyed it. Daniel Craig is the good looking rebel who plays by his own rules Bond. He's more of a bad boy tough guy than the Bond we've been presented in recent years. Not as suave, but pretty cool. There's a bit of a Steve McQueen quality to this Craig fellow that is sure to appeal to both men and women alike.

Steve McQueen

Daniel Craig

There were some good action sequences and I liked it a lot more than any of the Pierce Brosnan films...Anyway, I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot about this movie these days and if you're a Bond fan, you shouldn't be disappointed...

So after the movie, we hit the Mandarin for some buffet action. Buffets are always interesting and you'll be sure to find a lot of folks possessing no awareness of their surroundings. Like moving obstacles, diverting precious oxygen and massive quantities of food that could be better used, I'm sure...But that's another story...

We got to my place after eating more than our fill and got ready for the Ultimate Fighting Championship event. There were two title matches. Tim Sylvia successfully defended his heavyweight belt against Jeff Monson and Georges St. Pierre (GSP) beat the arrogant, but tough, Matt Hughes. I like GSP 'cause he seems like a super nice guy who happens to be a Canadian...and a great fighter. So when the crowd began to chant "USA! USA!" I gotta tell you that it irritated me and I wanted GSP to win even more. If they were chanting for Hughes, that's cool...but they were chanting against a guy because he's from another land...I'm sure most of the chanters can't even spell xenophobic...So anyway...GSP handed Hughes a pretty good beating, complete with Superman Punch and kick to the head, finishing him with a series of punches when he went down. GSP! GSP! (For those of you who care, or are keeping track, two non-Americans currently hold titles in the UFC)...

There's not too much simian news to report, other than I recently purchased some Gorilla Glue which alleges to be "THE TOUGHEST GLUE ON PLANET EARTH"...Though I would like to believe this on blind faith alone, I am the pudding-tasting type and must see for myself. I'll be sure to let you know how it works...

Our little Achilles continues to dazzle us with his photogenic range...Though he is still remarkably adorable, as my pal Kimber has stated, he can still bring the fierce when required. I wouldn't say he's a predator posing as a house pet...but he really is...This was his response to my best Gunnery Sergeant Hartman impression of "Let me see your war face!"

Being a Gene Simmons fan from back in the day, I was quite impressed...and proud.

I hope you had a great weekend!

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
Just in case...

The title of this post makes reference to the great exchange in Pulp Fiction in which it is mentioned that the Quarter Pounder with cheese is known as the "Royale with cheese" in Paris...Though there is no direct link to the film and cheese, I thought it was rather clever...But now, as I'm explaining myself, I suddenly feel a lot less clever...If you haven't seen Pulp Fiction yet, it's not too late. (It's actually about 12 years too late, but go see it and stop reading this crap)...

I'm not sure what to think about the new Beatles album, but I'm pretty sure I'll have it by week's end...I'll let you know...I saw the Cirque de Soleil segment on Leno and it was a bit too flower powery for my liking...Also, "The Word" is probably my least favourite Beatles song...and the new album is called "Love"...We'll see how ripped off I'll feel after this. (It should be noted that I've seen a few Ashton Kutcher films at the theater)...

Obey The D!

2006-11-15T11:02:00.000-05:00

Hello Folks!

The almighty Tenacious D are making their rounds to promote their new film Tenacious D in 'The Pick of Destiny' (look for Dave Grohl as the devil and Meatloaf as JB's dad). They were on Stern yesterday morning and on Letterman last night...(I'm glad that the trailer is not really representative of the film's greatness by most accounts...I was a little concerned after seeing it that maybe the film would be not so good...Andy Dick made the same observations about the look of the trailer...But after seeing the premiere, he gave the ringing endorsement of "It rocked, dude!" Like him or not, the man knows funny).

Anyway, the Stern interview was really awesome. They played a clip of The D doing a Beatles cover in their own way, which was also rather awesome. They addressed Jack Black's growing up in a nudist environment with his permissive rocket scientist (well satellite engineers) parents...Another great interview. Howard Stern is still the man.

Please note Kyle's awesome shirt!

And his socks and flip flops look is one that not many men can pull off...

This year has been good for comedies I enjoy so far with "Jackass 2", "Borat" and now the D movie...

That's it for now.

Obey the D!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Monkey-Type Creature(s) On the Loose!

2006-11-07T12:34:00.000-05:00

Hey Gang.

Check it out...(Click title for source)

Bigfoot hunter searches Arizona reservation

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

PHOENIX -- Reports of Bigfoot on the Fort Apache Indian Reservation in eastern Arizona have drawn a controversial hunter of the legendary creature.

C. Thomas Biscardi of Menlo Park, Calif., visited the reservation over the weekend for the second time this year to interview witnesses and organize a search.

In recent months, police officers have reported being chased by the creature, campers have said they spotted it and locals have said they caught it peeking in their windows.

"We're here for the white Bigfoot, the monkey-type creature with a tail, the one that was throwing rocks at people here," Biscardi said during a broadcast Saturday on the tribe's radio station. "I've got to tell you, people, it's here."

By day's end, at least half a dozen tribal members had told of seeing a strange beast, hearing blood-curdling screams in the night or other experiences. Several offered to join Biscardi's Searching for Bigfoot Inc. team on mini-expeditions.

While most backed out, 18-year-old Laramie Smith came forward to lead the team to a cave he found that he said could be the beast's lair.

The searchers had infrared and thermal-imaging devices, a Taser, a tranquilizer gun and a net-shooting cannon but found no cave or Bigfoot home. One team member picked up a stick and began beating on a log while another whooped to lure the beast.

"If they did not respond to the whooping and tree knocking, and there's no signs, then there's nothing here," Biscardi said.

Biscardi believes there are at least 3,500 Bigfoots nationwide, a number he derived by counting up one year of reported encounters, then subtracting suspected hoaxes and mistakes.

He has been trying to capture a specimen for 33 years, and his team has visited nearly every state in that quest.

Academic researchers are generally skeptical on the subject of Bigfoot. An Associated Press article last week quoted faculty at Idaho State University as they they are embarrassed by Jeffrey Meldrum, a colleague who believes in Bigfoot.

Stan Lindstedt, a regents professor of biology at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, said it is unfathomable that a huge subhuman creature would remain concealed over wide sections of the country.

"I put that in the category of mythology that can certainly make our culture interesting, but has nothing to do with science," he said.

~oOo~

Below are a few of my favourite ads these days...

I'll be checking in on my Blogger Buddies as soon as I can...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-11-07T12:26:00.000-05:00

jack link's water bowl

These ads crack me up every time!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-11-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

Messin with Sasquatch - Shaving Cream

Nice hit at the end...

2006-11-07T12:21:00.000-05:00

Messin with Sasquatch - Binoculars

2006-11-07T12:20:00.000-05:00

Jack Links Salt Shaker

2006-11-02T12:22:00.000-05:00

How I Met Lasagna...

A freind sent me this and it was too good not to post...

Take care if you're still out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-10-24T22:21:00.000-04:00

Muppets With Attitude

Hey Pals!

George Stroumboulopoulos just mentioned this clip on his show The Hour. If you don't know who George is, he's pretty cool and well informed about music and pop culture. I hope his show does well. He's had some good guest so far...for a Canadian talk show...

Anyway, this clip is too funny!

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-10-23T01:30:00.000-04:00

Joe Rogan vs. Myspace challenger

Apparently some dude from myspace challenged Joe to spar or something...

Not sure what's up with the one guy's teeth...I think/hope it's a mouth guard...Also, the music's pretty shitty and reminds one of "The Karate Kid" or some other similar film "Over the Top"....

2006-10-23T01:18:00.000-04:00

Joe Rogan Live

2006-10-23T00:27:00.000-04:00

Borat -The first 4 minutes of his Movie

In case you haven't already seen it...

It's Been a While...

2006-10-22T23:18:00.000-04:00

Hello Blogger Pals!

I haven’t been doing a lot of Blogging these days. I guess I’ve been in a bit of a funk, so I try not to Blog when I'm in a rut...(or when I'm in rut for that matter...But that's a whole different story)... Like shopping hungry, you know? Anyway, we closed the pool a few weeks ago and that usually serves to depress me…The whole leading up to it and for the next few months after… Then the following week we turned on the heat…I guess I’m feeling the effects of SAD to some degree…(Seasonal Affective Disorder ~ a recognized mental condition…a type of clinical depression that can last until spring)…I know...Wah for me, right? But that's how it is...

Lots of stuff has been going on these past few weeks, but I just didn't get around to Blogging...Frankly, I haven't even been turning on my laptop when I get home these days...

But I have been watching a lot of UFC action lately...It's quite soothing...Below are a few stills from the last Pay-Per-View title match between the Middleweight Champ Rich Franklin and Anderson Silva...(You may remember an earlier post about how Franklin resembles Jim Carrey, as does Heavyweight champ Tim Silvia...)...Anyway, Franklin got trounced! He was totally dominated and knocked out late in the first round...

This is what is referred to as The Tale of the Tape...

Franklin looking confident before the match, as
"For Those About to Rock" played in the background...

After several knees to the midsection and getting pretty much dominated, Franklin finally took one right to the old schnoz...He couldn't escape Silva's clinch. A few more kicks and another knee to the head and it was all over...

Rich Franklin's nose, post-fight...

He'll be back once he's healed and give it another go, I'm sure. He's a tough dude. Tim Silvia (back right) defends his title next month against Jeff Monson...Should be a good one...

I usually enjoy Joe Rogan's commentary during these big events, but he wasn't able to attend the last one...Some of you may know Joe from "Fear Factor" or "News Radio", but he's a filthy comic and at the age of 19, he won the US Open Tae Kwon Do Championship (and, as the lightweight champ, went on beat both the middle and heavy weight title holders to take home the Grand Championship ~ from IMDB bio. If you think of him as just the host of "Fear Factor" then you should probably never go see that guy from "Full House" and "America's Funniest Home Videos" do stand-up...Bob Saget is super filthy too...but not as much of a tough guy...I don't think...Check him out in "The Aristocrats" ...I kinda like his new game show "1 vs. 100"...Good concept for a game)...

Anyway, I'm not sure where the Joe Rogan clips will land on my Blog once I've posted this...

Another weekend has come and gone and it's just about 1:30am as I post this...

I bid you farewell, good folks...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Oh! I just finished reading "A Confederacy of Dunces" and I rather enjoyed it. Artie Lange and Howard Stern were discussing it one morning and the circumstances of how it came to be published...I bought it online for like $2. (It ended up costing about $13 before I could get my greasy mits on it though)...Anyway, the author, John Kennedy Toole committed suicide and his mom got it published after his death...it won The Pulizter Prize for Fiction in 1981...

It begins with a quote:

When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.

--Jonathan Swift--
"THOUGHTS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS, MORAL AND DIVERTING".

The protagonist, Ignatius Jacques Reilly is a rather fascinating fellow. The Forward by Walter Percy (the novelist who actually got the book published) describes Reilly as a "...slob extraordinary, a mad Oliver Hardy, a fat Don Quixote, a perverse Thomas Aquinas rolled in one -- who is in violent revolt against the entire modern age, lying in his flannel nightshirt, in a back bedroom on Constantinople Street in New Orleans, who between gigantic seizures of flattulence and eructations is filling dozens of Big Chief tablets with invective."

Reilly explains that most fools don't comprehend his world view and suggests a reading list for one character. For the contemporary period, he recommends some selected comic books:

I recommend Batman especially, for he tends to transcend the abysmal society in which he's found himself. His morality is rather rigid, also. I rather respect Batman.

The Unthinkable Has Happened...

2006-09-27T23:31:00.000-04:00

Hello Folks.

I'm a little sad these days...It's no biggie really. It's just that one of my all-time favourite bands has aligned with one of my least favourite bands...Sorry U2 fans out there, but I just plain don't like them. Their old stuff is OK, but lately it seems like it's all about The Bono...and now The Edge...It used to be about the music, man!...Anyway, this union was for a good cause...(See above article, from a link at The Green Day Authority)...

The Bono with the Billie Joe...

Never trust a guy with a Messianic complex...who wears sunglasses all the time...

I'm reminded of when I had first heard that Joey Ramone had requested the latest U2 song (at the time) while on his deathbed...It just makes me feel sad and leaves a bad taste in my mouth...But I guess it's unreasonable to expect our heroes to like all the people we admire and to hate those we dislike...Oh well...I hope they are able to help out the folks in New Orleans...

~oOo~

In other news, little Achilles was too cute last night as he played in an empty cereal box...He lost a tooth and I saved it...I'm gonna leave him a little cat treat under his pillow tonight...

I hope all is well in your little corner of the world.

I just watched "20/20". Barbara Walters interviewed Steve Irwin's widow, Terri. It was pretty sad to watch...They played a lot of clips of Steve and his family I gotta tell you, it totally bummed me out...

Hopefully Amanda Peet on Letterman and Evangeline Lilly on Leno can help to lift my spirits a bit...Amanda Peet is pregnant...Apparently they call her "fatty" on the set of the new Aaron Sorkin series "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" ...Nigella Lawson is also on Letterman...I like her too...

Anyway, we saw "Jackass Number 2" last weekend...I guess it's not for everyone, but I can honestly tell you that I haven't laughed that hard for that long in quite a while...We made the mistake of hitting the Mandarin buffet beforehand though, which I cannot recommend...There were scenes where I actually had to avoid looking at what was going on or I fear I would have puked...Most of them were horse-related...If you liked the first one, you won't be disappointed...They've really lowered the bar on this one! In a good way...

Who knows when I'll post again, so I'll give you a video recommendation...I really liked the film "Stay". I won't tell anything about it, but I really liked it...Trust me. It's a pretty cool concept that's well executed.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Italian Coffee Machine...

2006-09-19T19:59:00.000-04:00

Hey there.

I hope things are going well these days...

Relax and have a nice warm drink!

1. CLICK ON THE COFFEE MACHINE BELOW
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON "APRI" AT THE END...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Mostly Video Clips...

2006-09-13T00:33:00.000-04:00

Hey Blogger Buddies!

I hope things are going as planned...

Last weekend Lasagna got her scuba certification so I went for a few recreational dives while her group did their training...(If you let 6 months elapse between dives, you gotta review your skills before diving again...which equals more $$$)...Anyway, it was a lot of fun...my "buddy" and I saw a sunken speedboat, a bath tub and a wheelbarrow down there in the quarry...Then when we got home, I still had some air left in my tank, so I went for a dip in the pool...It was 68°...(sadly our pool days for this season are numbered)...But it was kinda refreshing and I hung out at the bottom, practicing some stuff...I kinda don't like taking the mask off under water, then replacing it and clearing it (by blowing out through your nose while holding the top of the mask)...So I practiced that...

Anyway, enough about me...Here's a video clip that was going around when I first got a computer...It contains a bit of objectional language, so be careful where/when you play it...(a tip of the hat to "Goodfellas")...

I've had links to Charlie The Karate Chimp before, but this one's different...

Then there's this one of the cute little monkey riding a dog...

Finally, there's this amazing clip of a guy who's got mad climbing and jumping skills..It's sort of a long clip, but it's totally amazing!...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
When the apes finally rise, street-fighting dog-riding talking chimps won't be such a big deal...Dudes will have to move like that guy so they don't end up slaves or pets or meat...

2nd Post this Week!

2006-09-06T22:59:00.000-04:00

Hey Blogsters.

I haven't been overly consistent in my Blogging these days...

I hope you're doing well wherever you may be...

Anyway, I just wanted to post a pic of Steve Irwin. I liked this guy and used to watch his show every day for quite a while...He was a funny fellow and I believe that he genuinely cared...which is nice to see from time to time. One of my favourite memories of his show was when he did a field assessment of a little critter that went something like: "See that lump on his jaw? It's called 'lumpy jaw'!" He'll be missed by many, including me.

Sadly, it didn't take too long for the venom to come out against him...As mentioned on the always funny site What Would Tyler Durden Do? (thanks to Beatdogg for letting me know, as I haven't been doing my daily review of that site latey)...Mr. Durden reports:

I have no idea who or what Germaine Greer is, but apparently she's a "feminist icon" in Australia and she couldn't be happier that Steve Irwin is dead. Making her kick up her heels in delight is that Irwin was killed by an animal, calling it the animal worlds revenge. Greer said:

"There was no habitat, no matter how fragile or finely balanced, that Irwin hesitated to barge into. Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress. The animal world has finally taken its revenge, but probably not before a whole generation of kids in shorts seven sizes too small has learned to shout in the ears of animals with hearing 10 times more acute than theirs, determined to become millionaire animal-loving zoo owners in their turn."

And:

"There was not an animal he was not prepared to manhandle. Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress. Every snake badgered by Irwin was at a huge disadvantage, with only a single possible reaction to its terrifying situation, which was to strike. The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin."

You had to know some filthy god damn hippie was gonna say this at some point, but it would have been delightful if they could have at least waited a week or so. But I guess this way the 8 and 2 year old orphans can have "it was all daddys fault" ringing in thier ears at the funeral. Nice. I'm gonna go down to Greenpeace and just start punching people.

Anyway, I can only hope that Ms. Greer, when it's her time to go, gets to die doing what she loved to do...(whatever that is)...Perhaps a javelin will impale her as she sits on the sidelines and criticizes the throw...Or maybe one day the 30 cats that presumably fill her home shall rise and take their revenge on her, for old Steve-O...But enough about her...(I'm not even gonna look her up. She'll be gone in 15 minutes...For me anyway)...

~oOo~

For those of you who feel sorry for little Achilles and his emptied teste satchel, behold some of the stuff that he's ruined of late...In my recreation room, no less!

My blinds, which he likes to chip away at from time to time...

My inflatable palm tree! He bit one of the palm fronds and punctured it...This is how it looked when I got home...

I think he's pretty well adjusted overall though...He's quite a character!

~oOo~

In other news, my friend gave me this little gem! She got him a while ago and called me up to see something cool that she got...When I went to visit her, his tray was full of Halloween sized treats...I thought he was pretty cool looking and she had named him Bobo. I asked her where she got him...She told me and I was planning on getting one myself...

I guess she was getting some weird looks at work and her kids told her he "freaked them out" so I inherited Bobo. (She's the friend who had a pet monkey as a kid...Also she told me about the IKEA catalogue I mentioned earlier)...

I have put him to good use...He holds my "Planet of the Apes" collector's bust (which contains all the ape classics from The Forbidden Zone)...

I know, I know...Super sweet, right?

~oOo~

Finally, check out this Mike Zambidis dude I found out about while looking up some fighting videos on youtube. This is a frame from the video. Note that they've called him "ZAMBO!" on this magazine cover...(I'm not fighting him for the name, that's for sure)...

Click on the pic to see his fight highlights. (WARNING: the video contains all sorts of beatings being handed out by this little guy with the heart of a lion). He's a fighting machine! He won another match on Monday. Gonna have to look it up.

That's all for now.

Watch out for the knees to the head and take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Back To Work Tomorrow...Uggh...

2006-09-04T23:21:00.000-04:00

Hello out there!

I hope those who had today off enjoyed it...The weather has sucked all weekend, but today was a bit better...I decided to clean the pool...We had the cover on all weekend 'cause Lasagna's a Weather Channel maniac and there was a storm coming...Anyway, I cleaned the cover, rolled it up and then went in to finish the clean up job...Though I turned on the heat, it was 69 degrees, but surprisingly refreshing...It was crystal clear when I was done and I had a clear bag full of fallen leaves and other such crap...lots of potato bugs settle at the bottom of our pool...There were hundreds down there today...

This was one of the Monday nights that I actually thought to watch that new Gene Simmons show on A&E...but it wasn't on...Here's a pic of Gene with a buddy of mine from back in the day...What up, Otis?!?...Lookin' good!

I picked up a Leonardo Da Vinci action figure when we went to Canada's Wonderland a few weeks ago! I considered not buying it, but I just had to have it...

The back lists his stats, along with Famous Works, Inventions and Quotes...

Here's the front of the package...

Here's an image from the web ('cause I'm not opening mine)...

In other news, we got Achilles neutered the other day too...When we told him what was gonna happen, he wasn't too happy....

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

After he came back from the the procedure, he spent some time licking his wounds...

(Poor little guy)...

Then he just chilled and watched TV...

That's about it for now, since Blogger's being a prick again...

R.I.P.
Steve Irwin
a.k.a. The Crocodile Hunter
(1962-2006)

Irwin was fatally pierced in the chest by a short-tail stingray barb while diving in Batt Reef (part of the Great Barrier Reef), off the coast of Port Douglas in Queensland, Australia

(I'd like to post a pic of old Steve-O, but Blogger's not letting me...
Thanks again, Blogger)...

We were hoping to visit his zoo when we go to Australia next year...and he died sorta in the vicinity of where we'll be diving, so I should be getting a call from my mom when she finds out...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

The IKEA Nesting Instinct...

2006-09-01T10:48:00.000-04:00

Greetings Ape Fans!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately...I've been on assignment...(Not really. Just not much time to Blog lately...I'll do something this weekend though...I hope)...

Anyway, I was just informed that if you have the 2007 IKEA catalogue, open the folding cover and note that the dog in the picture with the family has got a man's penis. Apparently there are all kinds of rumours related to a disgruntled employee or whatever...Regardless, there's a big old dick there that would really please Tyler Durden.

I'll scan it when I get home, as I haven't been able to locate it on the internet...plus I'm still "on assignment"...My work for the yawn factory must come first, right?

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
If you should happen to find the pic please link to it in my comments section or direct others to it if you wanna post it.

Thanks.

Never mind...I scanned my friend's catalogue...She's the one who told me about it and brought it in to show me...Project Mayhem is in full effect...

I guess the official word from IKEA is that it's just the dog's leg and it happens to look a lot like a human penis...Now I'm no lawyer, but I guess they can't sue the guy who did this since they've offered an explanation...We'll see how this unfolds...

From "Fight Club" one of my all time favourite films:

[about Tyler splicing frames of pornography into family films]

Narrator: So when the snooty cat and the courageous dog with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film.

[the audience is watching the film, the pornography flashes for a split second]

Narrator: Nobody knows that they saw it, but they did...

Tyler Durden: A nice...big...cock...

[several audience members look rattled...a little girl is crying]

Narrator: Even a hummingbird couldn't catch Tyler at work.

Brace Yourselves For A Journey Into My Head!

2006-08-11T01:06:00.000-04:00

Greetings Friends, Random Visitors and Quirky Lurkers.

I hope things are running smoothly for you as you read this.

So I’m starting to realize that I’m not the guy I once was…It’s not so much that I’m “half the man I used to be”, but maybe ¾...My life is pretty much half over...(or half started, for all the optimists out there). Anyway, if you double my current age and take into account my current lack of ambition, then when I'm twice this age I'm pretty much gonna be fucked right up...I guess maybe I'm going through one of those mid-life crisis things, perhaps a bit prematurely...

A pal recently asked, “Remember when Zambo used to be fun?”…It’s so true…I did used to be so much more fun, I think…I've definitely softened over the years (physically and personality-wise). In fact, I saw “Must Love Dogs” last week and I actually enjoyed it…I know there was a time when I would have refused to even watch such a film...I'm not really sure what all this means, but I do know that I have changed a few things about myself, partly to please my mate, Lasagna...and partly for my own good. Though it's cheesy, she really does make me want to be a better man...(See "As Good As It Gets"...Not that I was a that bad of a guy before...and she's not an intolerable hag, like Helen Hunt...but you get the idea, I hope...It's kinda like that old saying that goes something like: Women stay with men hoping to change them and men stay with women hoping they'll stay the same)...

Anyway, my room, when I lived alone in my condo, used to look like this...

Now most of these items are in boxes in the basement of our house...My office is pretty boring at the moment...I've been thinking about getting some sort of cabinet to display some of my stuff...I just haven't gotten around to it yet...A lot of those toys were from my childhood, though I did acquire a few here and there over the years...I also have a lot of "still-in-the-package" stuff that's supposedly worth more if/when you decide to sell it one day...(Like in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" ...except I was in my 20s and pulling tonnes of chix with my disarming smile and unusual charm...Well maybe not tonnes...)...We have a few rooms in the house that are mine. I'm "allowed" to do whatever I want in those rooms (within reason)...It's weird to say something like that, but I guess it's all part of the compromise. Lasagna doesn't like too much clutter or "junk", so I respect that. Plus, if I'm not reined in a little, things can get out of hand...(My TV room, or home theater, has some toys in it, two mannequins and a stuffed tiger that growls ~ plush, not real)...

Anyway, I was thinking of my pal "Timmy" the other day. He was a really nice guy. (I'm sure he still is, but I haven't seen him in a while)...He used to say that visiting my room was like a journey into my head... and that it scared him a little...We met through a friend of the family's...My dad was in the army with a guy and his son was friends with Timmy...We became good pals right away. When I went off to University, I got a call during Frosh Week. It was Timmy and as it turned out, he was living in my residence, a floor above me. We had a lot of good times and when we finished school we were in a bit of a funk and had no real direction in life...His cute girlfriend had dumped him and he had no real hobbies, so he would joke around about driving into a bridge abutment...Thankfully he never did. And when he finally landed a sweet job, cute girlfriend was open for business again. They eventually got married and I went to their wedding. Then we lost touch and we sorta went our separate ways...Then the son of my dad's army buddy got married, and Timmy and his cute wife were seated at our table. Things seemed different though. Though he looked good, he had the posture of a defeated man. Like what Bruce Springsteen describes as "like a dog that's been beat too much"...(See "Born in the USA"). They made a bit of a fuss about the vegetarian menu they had requested. (He's apparently a vegetarian now...because she is very health conscious, I suspect...and he would do anything for her...See "Pulp Fiction"..."My girlfriend's a vegetarian, so that pretty much makes me a vegetarian too")...Not that there's anything wrong with being a vegetarian (DaVinci was one in the 1500s)...if it's something you do for yourself...But I suspect that she imposed her will upon him. He's very passive...Though she's cute. She's not that cute. Anyway, I got his e-mail address and contacted him a few times, but he was going through a job transition and blah, blah, blah...So I haven't seen him since...I hope he's OK. And his cute wife too.

I always liked the story he told me about guys and girls and relationships...(I know he didn't make it up, but I liked the way he told it)...

So there's this dog. He's having a good old time running around and chasing butterflies. He happens across a fine looking bone between frolicking and laying around. So he picks up the bone and begins to prance around, pretty pleased with himself. It's probably the best bone he's ever seen. He feels that he is the luckiest dog in the world ('cause he lives for the moment). He walks up to a river and he sees his reflection in the water...(but he doesn't really understand the concept of reflections and thinks that it's another dog with a bone that's just as good ~ maybe better ~ than his. He admires the bone for a moment, but he tries to show off his bone too. The river dog, matches his move, and his bone is sublime! The dog finally can't take it anymore, so he reaches for the better bone, dropping his in the process...The bone is washed away forever and the dog is left standing there...boneless...

I believe the story is meant to illustrate that (some) men are a lot like dogs and that they often don't know how good they have it. They often throw away what they have for the projected idea of something better. (And I think the bone may have something to do with erectile dysfunction, but I forget...I also forget where the story originated, but I like it).

So...I think that's it for the moment. I had saved this as a draft, hoping to polish it up a bit before posting, but it probably never would have gotten posted at the rate I'm going lately...

Take care out there, folks!

I'm off to test drive convertible sports cars.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I Have Returned...

2006-08-03T22:15:00.000-04:00

Hey Blogger Pals!

I hope you're doing well out there!

So for the last two weekends I invested most of my time at scuba training…Saturday 9-9 the first weekend and 9-5 the second one...and Sundays about 8-5. It was kinda exhausting, but really cool. I didn’t particularly enjoy having to read the text book and to do the written stuff, but it was totally worthwhile. We had to do chapter review quizzes and a final exam. You need at least 80% to pass (but I guess no one really “fails”). My class was composed of mostly really pretty young women. There were five women, two guys (one looked like an underwear model and the other was an average-looking fellow) and me…our instructor was male…I felt old, being surrounded by these young pretty people, but what can you do, right? I learned a lot of cool stuff. Also, if you learn to dive in cold water, then you can dive pretty much anywhere in the world (within reason, of course) because we encounter some of the worst conditions diving here in cold, murky water. The 'average guy' in my class wanted to dive here with his girlfriend, but she was certified to dive in Australia…so she would have to get certified here in order to dive…

Anyway, the practical part in the pool was pretty cool, especially after sitting in a stuffy classroom all day. (Also, the girls wore bikinis…but I remained focused). The open water dives took place last weekend in two area quarries…and when we were certified, there was an optional dive in the Niagara River…It was really quite amazing! We got to go down and look at a shipwreck! My group was given a tour by the instructor, and got to see all of the wreckage…

I recently talked to a friend about watching boxing after watching ultimate fighting. I compared it to going back to Playboy after watching porn from Denmark. (Basically, you really can’t go back, unless you really enjoy the articles…If you’ve never experienced Danish porn, consider yourself lucky. It could haunt your dreams). She thought that was pretty funny. Anyway, once you’ve done scuba, it kinda makes snorkeling seem like…well…less awesome…(but I will still enjoy snorkeling, I’m sure)…

Don’t worry. I’m not gonna become “scuba dude” or something like that…or get a bumper sticker that says something like “SCUBA DIVERS GO DOWN LONGER”…or whatever…I have known guys who have defined themselves by something that they’re into at the moment…For instance, a guy I once knew who went skydiving (once I think), set up his e-mail as skydiver@whatever.com. Another guy I knew appeared as an extra in a film in a Jacuzzi scene, and his e-mail address became jacuzziguy@whatever.com…Interestingly, I discovered that like other niche activities, there is a whole subculture of “scuba geeks” out there. They have personalized licence plates like “DIVER” or “DIVE DUDE”, etc. They tend to have really cool gear and some have attained the title of “Dive Master”…I didn’t realize that such groups existed, but they seem like good folks nonetheless. I guess I never really thought of divers as regular people...mostly I thought of cool undersea explorers like Jacques Cousteau or Navy SEALs...

So I went to my folks' place after the river dive on Sunday and my mom gave me this article, because I told her I was getting my scuba certification...

Divers Rescued From Niagara River
Erie County Sheriff’s Department Investigating Circumstances of Dive

OSPREY NEWS NETWORK
BUFFALO, N.Y.
A group of scuba divers from Fort Erie were rescued by the Coast Guard Sunday [July 23] after they ran into trouble in the strong currents of the Niagara River. The Coast Guard and the Erie County Sheriff’s Marine Unit were called out to rescue one diver and assist several others near the Peace Bridge. The 13 divers, mostly student divers from Fort Erie, entered the water on the Canadian side of the river. Buffalo police say John Silva, of Fort Erie, was the first to be plucked from the river. Rescue boats then assisted the other divers, pulling them out of the water in various stages of distress. No injuries were reported. The Erie County Sheriff is now investigating the circumstances of the dive.

(It should be noted that Blogger wouldn't allow me to post the scanned article, so I had to type it out. Thanks, Blogger! Missed you).

...Little did she know that I would be diving in that very spot a week later...but with better results...If she had known I would be there, she would have been worried sick...and if I had known about this incident, I might have been a little concerned too, I guess...

~oOo~

In other news, behold the mighty Achilles!

He’s not that big, but he’s got lots of moxie.

He’s powerful and can strike swiftly, but he’s also a gentle and loving fellow.

We weren’t really planning on getting a cat right now, but there were extenuating circumstances. This guy Lasagna works with was outside the building, when a car drove by and its occupant threw a backpack out of the window. So the aforementioned guy went up to see what it was (not noticing any details about the car, but was most likely thinking, “Hey! Free bag!”)…Anyway, as he approached it, he noticed it was moving and when he opened it, there was little Achilles. He was a bit malnourished, but otherwise OK according to the vet. So Lasagna called me at work and asked if we could keep him…(It’s a good thing I said yes, because the Humane society was full and not taking any more animals…If I had said no, they would have kept him as a mascot at Lasagna’s work)…He’s a cute little guy, and surprisingly affectionate for what he’s been through. He’s a lot more exciting than Lasagna’s guinea pig, Freddie…(Who we “inherited” ‘cause Lasagna’s friend’s husband was highly allergic)…Maybe there will be a helper monkey that we can adopt soon…

Anyway, that's all I got right now, but I'm gonna try to make the rounds soon and visit with all my Blogger Buddies...I'm very far behind...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

From Kimber's Blog

2006-07-26T17:43:00.000-04:00

Hi Gang!

I have stuff to report...soon.

In the meantime, try this...which I got from Kimber's Blog.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I Walk Around in the Summertime Sayin', "How About This Heat?"

2006-07-17T23:30:00.000-04:00

Hey Pals.

I hope all is well wherever you may find yourselves these days.

Around here, it's been pretty darn hot. On days like these, I am reminded of the poor baker who died a few years ago due to exposure to excessive heat...It was front page news that day...I have the article in one of my notebooks, but I'm not in a digging mood at the moment. Let it suffice to say that the luckless baker's sister didn't blame her brother's employers because, "They didn't order this heat" ... I shit you not.

Anyway, we got the current issue of Entertainment Weekly today (Lasagna has a subscription) and it has the creepiest picture of Al Gore on the cover...

I wanted to read about the "50 GREATEST POP CULTURE SIDEKICKS" since Howard Stern mentioned that Robin was #13...(They're back after a 2-week vacation...I missed them, but the re-runs were still pretty entertaining. Much better than regular radio, that's for sure)...

(You can check out the whole list by clicking this, if you're so inclined).

Artie's heading out to California to film his guest appearance on HBO's "Entourage" on Wednesday and Thursday...(and they're taking Friday off)...So this week of Stern might be a bit of a letdown...Artie really cracks me up. He said he'd call in though...I hope he does. He was trying to lose a few pounds for the guest spot...They weighed him today and he's at 274lbs. (He weighed 277lbs. before they went on vacation...Oh well)...

Anyway, at the back of the current Entertainment Weekly, I found this little coincidental nugget!

My favourite "celebrity chef" (even though he dislikes them, he's technically one of them) discussing my favourite author! Pretty sweet, huh? (Plus, I coincidentally just mentioned "Haunted" in my last post)...

Anyway, I'm gonna do my best to catch up with everybody this week, but it's gonna be a bit hectic...

SCUBA training this weekend and next and I gotta finish reading the book and swimming with my new fins and boots (for cold weather diving)...Does anyone remember what "S.C.U.B.A." stands for because of that "Family Ties" episode where Alex was studying for a test and kept repeating it? Highlight the next line to see if you're right...

Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus

I'm sure we'll run into each other in Blogtown or in realityville...Until then, swim with a buddy and be sure to adjust your buoyancy accordingly!

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

I had added a pic of Al Gore with a monkey in the background, but it's gone now...click here to see it...(along with the article)...

It was a dark and bloggy night...

2006-07-12T00:30:00.000-04:00

Hello Blogsters!

So it’s been a while…Sorry I haven’t been around much. But I still love you…Mommy and I are just going through a tough time right now. I promise I’ll make it up to you though…

Anyway, I finally got my order of “In Me Own Words” and “A Really Super Book About Squirrels”…I ripped through them last night and they were great! Graham Roumieu is a pretty funny guy.

There's a touching entry about the time

Bigfoot met up with Koko, the signing gorilla...

There's also a mention of how Bigfoot
actually is the real creator of "Fight Club"...

I also found the tape I had purchased when the local JUMBO VIDEO went out of business...I had mentioned to Kimber that it was the Bigfoot episode of "In Search of..." but I was mistaken...Though I did see that episode and most likely taped it...and probably didn't label it...

As some of my pals may know, I was pretty obsessed with the whole Bigfoot phenomenon for a while...(I have heaps of sketches of how I imagine these beasts might look...Though I've never actually seen or smelled one...Kinda like the way people paint Jesus' image. But he never looks Semitic somehow. Weird, huh?)...

Anyway, I thought of the passage in Chuck Palahniuk's "Haunted" called: Dissertation ~ A Story by the Missing Link...below are a few pages, where Chuck explains that the legend of Bigfoot may be linked to lycanthropy(werewolves)...

If you're ever looking for good books to read, I would recommend the works of Mr. Palahniuk. Another story from "Haunted" has been transcribed by someone...it's called "Guts" and it's not for everyone...(Please read the warning first...It's apparently true)...

~oOo~

In other news, I have signed up for SCUBA training!
I'm pretty excited about that, but also a little nervous...

We also saw "Superman Returns" last week...It was OK, but I'm not really gonna review it...What I came away with was that despite being horribly terrible in interviews, the guy who plays SuperKent is not too bad in the film...Kate Bosworth was like Jessica Simpson with a brain and a soul and OK too, I guess...Kevin Spacey's Lex Luthor reminded me of Hitler quite a bit...I could even picture Spacey playing Hitler...(I was gonna doctor a pic, but didn't)...I wonder if the guy(s) who didn't accept Hitler into art school were able to live with the knowledge that they basically could have prevented the Holocaust…At worst he would have been some unemployable artist who might have probably ended up killing himself in relative obscurity...instead of after making a big mess of things...

Anyway, that's all for now...

It's time for bed...My brain and eyes need a break.

I'll check in with all my Blogger Buddies as soon as I can...(I'm sooooo far behind)...

Take care out there, folks!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
The UFC last weekend was pretty disappointing…There were some good moments, but overall it was a bit of a bust…Also, Joe Rogan was “on assignment” and I’m still trying to figure out what that might be…Probably "Fear Factor" related...

Canada Day!

2006-07-01T12:27:00.000-04:00

Hello Pals, Accidental Tourists and Lurky Merkins.

Happy Canada Day to all fellow Canadians! (And a premature Happy Fourth of July to our pals to the south of us!)...

We're heading out for the long weekend soon...just thought I'd do a quickie post in case people are bored this weekend...(I started visiting my blogger pals, but didn't quite make it all the way down my list...I got caught up in the link Junebee had and I read the whole thing. It was quite funny! Scamming the scammer is always a delicious treat. Check it out if you have a chance)...

Here's another pic of a big rig...

I see these many days a weeks. They often are hauling piggies to the slaughter...Sometimes I can see their little snouts sticking out of the holes and I feel bad for them...This particular truck was empty though...Perhaps heading for a refill...Even though I feel sad for the piggies, I cannot deny how good pork products taste...

My pal got married last weekend, so we had a little gathering at my place the weekend before...He loves zombies movies, so I got a big hunk of ham and carved a face into it, complete with tongue and pickled eggs for eyes...

And a bread head with a ham tongue and turkey and ham for a brain...pickled eggs for eyes too...

His face slipped a bit in the baking process...

Anyway, we had fun that weekend...swimming and drinking and being mean to each other and watching Howard Stern on Demand (on tape)...Also, the wedding went pretty well last weekend. The groom sustained a neck injury the next morning and we mocked him, but good. Everyone claimed it wasn't honeymoon-related...but we still made fun. He's OK though and a few of our pals still remain "unhitched" as it were.

~oOo~

I recently stumbled across this church sign generator and thought it was kinda funny...

(SeLiNa will like it for sure).

And finally, in simian related news, it seems that though the Spaniards still enjoy a good bullfight, they are fond of simians and on their way to giving them "human" rights. Check out this article if you have a chance...It's pretty interesting...

There will be more on GAP (Great Ape Project) when I have more time.

Anyway, that's all I've got time for right now.

As always, take care out there and have a safe and happy weekend!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Renaissance...Uh...Reborn

2006-06-23T00:31:00.000-04:00

Greetings Friends, Random Visitors and Jerky Lurkers!

Hopefully all is well these days.

As I mention from time to time, I do a lot of driving during the week…

I’m not sure how many of you remember the show “BJ & the Bear” …Basically it was the story of a handsome young chimp who traveled around the country in a red and white big rig with some guy…(Sorta like Chewbacca did with that Han Solo guy)…

~oOo~

Michelangelo Buonarroti famously believed
that statues lay hidden, imprisoned within marble blocks...

I wonder if he had any idea that his "David"
would one day be used to peddle third-rate cola.

As he laboured on the Sistine ceiling...

I wonder if he could even fathom that eventually
his “Creation of Adam” (above) would be
used to push third-rate diet cola…

(It's not that President's Choice is necessarily
"third-rate" in terms of Cola... But one cannot
ignore Coke and Pepsi as the Big Two)...

Anyway, I think I have reached my image quota with our good pal Blog-O...So I'll wrap it up...

But before I go, Do you recognize this painting by any chance?

If not, it's Raphael's "School of Athens", 1509.
Some of the artists pictured include
Michelangelo (as Heraclitus) and Leonardo da Vinci (as Plato).

But if you look closer, you may recognize the two figures in the periphery...

Yup. These fellows were used for the Guns N' Roses
"Use Your Illusion I & II" album covers...(Uncredited, I might add) ...

I guess in these unoriginal times, it must be OK to reduce the works of great artists to something marketable or easy to absorb...and if said works are old enough, you can use them for free! (I think...But please don't quote me on that)...It's sorta like when you know a song from a commercial for something (that you don't remember) and much later you realize it was actually a hit song from before you were born...Or like when you find out that a film is a re-make or re-imagining or whatever...but you had never heard of the original...Or when you're aware of the original, but want to see the re-make...to see how it has been improved/modernized...(quite often, it's not as good though)...

Anyway, as I was looking for some of the stuff mentioned above, I was glad to see that the good folks at Symantec have aligned themselves with the Da Vinci mania that has been sweeping the nation of late...

(Sorry for the shakiness of the drive-by pix...Some were taken at high speeds)...

I think that's it for now. It's getting late. I'll try to post again real soon.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

I didn't get to post the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pic that I had planned on sticking in there somewhere...

2006-06-15T00:40:00.000-04:00

Hey Bloggerinos!

Hopefully things are running smoothly for you these days…

You know, it must be hard growing up with a stripper for a mother…You have “friends”, but you’re never quite sure if they actually like you or just wanna be near your mom…in case she should happen to get naked at any point in time…There certainly is a lot of potential for trauma here…This occurred to me as Beatdogg and I went out for lunch today and there was a “stripper-hot” woman with her young son coming out of the bank…The kid will be nearly invisible for most of his formative years, I fear…But we had a rather enjoyable lunch despite all this…

~oOo~

The other day I saw a promotional clip of that new Vaughn-ifer (sorry) project, “The Break-Up” and I saw a fellow who looked very familiar. I was almost positive it was the guy who played little Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) in “A Christmas Story” …

So I looked it up, and it was! I really like that movie around the holidays…Then I remembered that the fella who played Flick (Scott Schwartz) had fallen on hard times as an actor and had ended up working in the adult film industry for a while…He was the kid who got his tongue stuck to the metal pole in the film…(Despite his apparent fondness for licking poles, I believe he was in straight porn)…

Blogger isn't allowing me to post any more pix, so I guess that's it for tonight...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

It Was Going to Be My Best Post Ever!...Maybe...

2006-06-09T15:16:00.000-04:00

Greetings Friends, Random Visitors and Jerky Lurkers!

I hope all is well wherever you may be when you read this…

So last night I was all excited because Howard Stern was going to have The Artie Lange Roast starting at 6pm…(They did their regular 6am show ‘til whenever ~ usually 11-ish ~ and then they would be returning to roast Artie). For those of you not familiar with a roast, it's basically a facetious tribute, as at a banquet, in which the honoree is alternately praised and insulted. (From Dictionary.com)...

This image was posted on howardstern.com and is the work of Timothy Shamey.

The roast went until 10pm and then the Wrap-Up show was on…To describe the events that took place could never do them justice…But trust me…It was pretty fucking funny! Check out the Stern web site for the roast summary, if you’re interested…(It hasn't been posted yet as I write this. Or check out MarksFriggin.com for a summary that's there now)...

At one point I laughed so hard that I started to cough, then to choke and then I felt a shooting, burning sensation in the vein that runs along my right temple…I was concerned momentarily, but luckily it passed…Soon enough I was laughing again…(I could see the headline: “Howard Stern Kills Local Man: Laughed Himself to Death!”)…

Anyhow, I got so wrapped up in Artie-mania that I totally forgot to watch “The Ultimate Fighter”! It’s so unlike me to totally forget that one of my “Must-See TV” shows is on…But don’t cry for me, for it shall air again Saturday night…and then on Monday again, I think…

At 11pm, I began watching “The Daily Show”…That’s when I realized that I had forgotten something, but it was too late…Oh well…It’s odd that entertaining radio took precedence over my good pal TV…Then I started to work on what may have been my most personal and revealing Blog entry to date…I was a little nervous about posting it…When I got it the way I liked it, I hit the PUBLISH POST button, and imagine my disappointment when this screen came up:

Something like this screen, anyway...

Some might believe that there were forces out there that prevented me from posting this particular post, because it was so personal and so revealing…There was even a real photo of me!!! It was a picture of me in a loincloth, from back in my competitive bodybuilding days…But alas, like a beautiful sunset, the moment can never be duplicated…It’s for the best, since it was an uncharacteristic moment of weakness…It probably won’t happen again for another 30 or so years…

You have no one but Blogger to thank/blame for this unfortunate set of circumstances...

~oOo~

Tonight we are going to see Jon Stewart at Casino Rama! I guess some people would be amped...or jazzed...or even stoked...I'm looking forward to it...I think it will be pretty funny and I'm lugging my copy of America ...There's a part of me that would like him to sign it...but there's a part of me that realizes this probably won't happen...Also, there's a no cameras policy in effect, so I probably won't get a picture of him either...I guess I'll have to rely on memory for this one...

Have a swell weekend...and for goodness sake, take care out there, people!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Artie Lange's "Beer League" opens September 15th, 2006!

...and will close on September 18th, according to Shuli's roast material...

"Beer League? If I wanted to see a movie with an ugly guy with tits swinging a bat, I’d just check out Rosie O’Donnell in A League of Their Own… "~Sal the Stockbroker~

Check out Artie's website for more info...

UPDATE:

We just got back from seeing Jon Stewart...It's a little after 3:30am...The night was filled with all sorts of emotions...There was the wondering if we'd get there in time...We left worksville at around 5 and got to the casino at a little after 8...The show was scheduled to begin at 9...traffic was a bit slow and Casino Rama is way north...(I'm not quite sure how they score the performers they get way the hell out there)...

Anyway, we got to the casino and we thought we should grab something to eat... We decided to go straight there to save time and that turned out to be a not-so-great idea...We ended up waiting in a line for like 30 minutes to get a sandwich, a bagel, a salad and two cans of apple juice for like $16...But we powered through our meal quick and dirty style and got to the auditorium just as they announced the doors were about to open...

Last month when I ordered the tickets online, Ticketmaster claimed that I would be sold the best available seats for this event...There was a nice little "convenience charge" too...Each ticket cost $92.50 ($87.75 + $4.75) so I figured we'd be fairly close to the stage...I didn't really check the exact location or the cost at the time...As it turns out, our seats were located at the very back left corner of the auditorium, in the upper deck...Jon Stewart looked about 1/2 an inch tall...Luckily there was a huge TV screen on either side of him...As soon as the show started, the disappointment began to fade away...Basically, it was 1 1/2 hours of non-stop laughs...He was really funny! His jokes were topical and delivered with his usual clever timing...He discussed politics, religion, science, pets and various other topics...It was a top-notch performance. He interacted with the audience a bit and it was an overall great night! Three guys got there late and tried to sneak to their seats...in the second row...(They must have sold a child into slavery to get those seats)...Anyway, Stewart asked them, "Where the fuck were you three?!?" They said their bus was late and he mocked them a little more...Then the camera guy focused on them and Stewart said, "Why are you filming them? They're nobodies! Up here!" I was cracking up...

Needless to say, I was lugging his book around all night for nothing...After the show, we decided to do a little gambling...So we hit the nickel slots...Lasagna and I each put a crisp $20 bill into the machines and we began our session...As a rule, I generally don't like to gamble...but when I do, I bet the max for maximum return...So after three or four spins, I won 5100 credits or $255...We decided to cash out at 4000 ($200) and to call it a night...Just then Lasagna got 845 credits ($42.25)...So we decided to pack it in...

After we cashed out, we drove back to worksville and Lasagna followed me home...I checked on the pool temperature...69 degrees Farenheit, or 20.5 degrees Celsius...I turned on the heater 'cause we're having people over to swim tomorrow (today really) and Sunday...Hopefully the weather's nice...Or else we'll have to entertain our guests in some other way...

The Artie Roast is being replayed as I type this...Life ain't so bad at the moment...

I guess I should get some rest...

Your Pal,

Chatty Zambo...

Quick Update...

2006-06-05T23:04:00.000-04:00

Hey Kids!

Hopefully everybody had a great weekend and the week is off to a good start...

Admittedly, this is a bit of a fluff entry to share what I've been up to the past few days...

I did some work around the house...

A little bit of gardening and lawn maintenance...

Went for several refreshing dips...

Worked the grill a little...

Went on a few runs to the store to replenish supplies...

Visited with the folks...

Got a hair cut...

Though I didn't get to go for a bike ride, check out my cool gorilla horn...Pretty sweet, huh?...

I guess that kinda sums up what I've been up to lately...In case you were wondering...

Maybe my next post will be a bit more profound and/or thought-provoking...

Take care out there, Buddies!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Hot Days...

2006-06-02T00:14:00.000-04:00

Hey Gang!

I have to admit that I have totally sucked at keeping up with the Blog action these days...But last night I had planned on going home and catching up on all my pals' Blogs...Worksville was hit with a tornado warning, according to all the chicken littles around the roost...

As I was driving home, I found myself in a downpour that rivaled the one in "Identity"...There was a moment where I actually thought about turning back...But then, as I got closer to home, things were clear and bright...So I did some routine "just-got-home" stuff, then went for a swim!

It's been pretty darn hot these days...If you look at my last summer's heat gauge, it's even hotter this year and it's only June first...

My main short-term goal these past few days has been to power through the work day and get home for a swim before dark...I'm a simple man and have simple needs. There's something quite soothing about swimming. The volume on everything else gets turned way down and other stuff doesn't seem to matter as much when I'm swimming...

After a hard day at the Dream Academy, it's nice to take a dip...I got sorta depressed during the winter when the pool was closed, but the funk has lifted recently...I feel happier...(Even though it's been pretty humid)...

On the weekends we tend to do a lot around the yard and I tend to "sweat like a motherfucker" if you will...My only solace comes from knowing that I get to take the plunge when all the labour is over. Getting a house with a pool and subscribing to SIRIUS satellite radio are among the best decisions I have ever made in my life...(Plus tricking Lasagna into falling for me)...

Anyway, last year I always prepared myself to find dead beasts in the pool's skimmer, but there were none...So far this season, we have already found three fallen beasts: a mouse and two birds...I'm a little suspicious about the birds...seems odd...Lasagna has what can be described as a Hitchcockian fear of birds...So she insisted that I dispose of them immediately...If we have another, I'm gonna have to examine the body and maybe take it to a lab...'cause that's just plain weird...(I hope it's not West Nile... Maybe they're just bad swimmers...or maybe it's just a local kid shooting them with his Red Ryder BB Gun for kicks...I'll keep you posted...Hopefully)...

So we watched "Hostel" last night...It was interesting to see how different people choose to amuse themselves...The college-aged guys were looking to get laid and score drugs...the gang of kids would terrorize tourists to score treats, the local crack whores would lure young men to horrific situations for money and the bored, rich men would do all sorts of depraved stuff to get a thrill...I won't spoil it in case you plan on watching it...I'm pretty desensitized to most forms of violence, but there is at least one cringe-worthy scene...In the Special Features, director Eli Roth mentions that the story was inspired by stories of rich guys going to Thailand and paying lots of money to "get to" shoot people in the head for a rush...Roth said he wanted to do a documentary, but found that it would be pretty dangerous...You can also see the street kids bust out the moves behind the scenes...Those little Czech kids sure can break dance! It was an oversimplified film overall, but still pretty good. Kinda predictable, but it got its point across. I was reminded of such films as "Hard Target" and "Surviving the Game" ...where the rich dudes hunt men as the ultimate prey...But the guys in this film are more like the time I saw celebrities hunting boars that were pretty much plunked right in front of them...All they had to do was pull the trigger...Good for them! They are the nation's true heroes, I think...So brave and powerful...(In case you're reading this literally, I am kidding...I think they're assholes)...I guess this practise is referred to as a canned hunt ...

~oOo~

In other news, Lasagna and I are going to see Jon Stewart in two weeks! He'll be at a nearby casino...It should be good. Here's a clip from "The Daily Show", featuring Mr. Fumbles, one of the show's writers.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Blogger has ceased allowing images to be posted...or I would have posted a few more...Oh well...At least I got to add a Blogroll...(If you're a regular visitor and I haven't listed you, please let me know and I'll add you to the list)...

HAND JOBS!

2006-05-25T11:39:00.000-04:00

Hello!

Now that I got your attention using the "FREE SEX" school of marketing, check out these cool "Painted Hands"...A friend sent me this via e-mail and I thought they were pretty neat...

Check out Koko, the signing gorilla, if you have a chance. She's also got busy hands and she seems like a sweet gal.

There are a few video clips on her site...one's with Mister Rogers...(it's kinda weird)...

I have more to report, but not much time lately...

A friend and I were chatting yesterday, and she said, "I told you about the monkey I had when I was a kid, right?" I was all, "WHAAAAT?!?!"...and then she told me all about it...She said she'd get some pictures to show me, so I'll post the pix when she gets them. But in case I forget or get hit by a bus or something, it was Christmas 1973...My friend's mom went to by the local pet store and saw that they had spider monkeys for sale. She thought, "Hey...I'll get the kids a monkey!"... a little spider monkey the kids eventually would name Buttercup, (due to the golden colouring of her chest area...like when you hold a buttercup to your chin and it looks yellow)...So she purchased Buttercup and left her with a friend down the street until Christmas, because the kids were curious and would no doubt have found out if there was a monkey in the house...So on Christmas Eve night, the kids noticed a large rectangular object in the middle of the living room that was covered in their grandmother's quilts...(My friend's parents, like so many other parents, would usually put out the larger gifts the night before, as the kids would get up really early on Christmas morning, eager with anticipation)...According to my friend, who was a little girl at the time, she and her other siblings didn't peek...but they did get up at about 6:30 the next morning...They all gathered around this mysterious object and were given permission to open it. Inside was a large cage, containing exactly one spider monkey...She was cute and seemed afraid...This was Buttercup!

So they decided to let her out. Being surrounded by two adults and four children, Buttercup did what can be expected...She darted towards the Christmas tree and hid within it for shelter. Try as they might, the kids couldn't convince little Buttercup that it was safe to come out. Feeling threatened, she grabbed ornaments and proceeded to throw them out of the tree like little hand grenades...They were shattering all over the place, according to my friend...I imagined Buttercup pulling the metal hooks out of the ornaments with her teeth, just before launching them and yelling "Fire in the hole!" in spider monkey-ese...

She eventually got used to the family and spent the most time with my friend's brother...Perhaps because of his deep voice, my friend thinks...She would sleep on his chest and ride around on his shoulder...The family enjoyed Buttercup for four years, but then she began to get a bit restless and possibly lonely...She ended up biting my friend's sister on the hand...The family decided that it would be best for all concerned if they gave Buttercup to another family who lived up the street and had coincidentally purchased a male spider monkey they had named Moonshine. So Buttercup and Moonshine were companions for the next ten years...They seemed happy, but never did produce a baby monkey. Then one day Moonshine got ill and eventually passed away...Buttercup soon followed...My friend said that she died of a broken heart...

I thought it was a pretty good little tale. I'll post the pix as soon as I get them.

Anyway, that's all for today.

Take care out there!

UFC this Saturday night! Should be good.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Tuesday After Long Weekend...

2006-05-23T10:08:00.000-04:00

Hey Folks.

It was a long weekend here in Canada...So needless to say, it was difficult to get out of bed this morning...but I guess any day you wake up is a good day...theoretically.

I haven't been all that great at my Blogging duties lately...

Anyway, here's a link to some classic simian videos, if you're bored...(Trunk Monkey is one of my personal favourites)...Here's another called "Monkey Bloopers"...(Thanks to Beatdogg).

I'll try to post more soon.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
I saw "The Da Vinci Code" on Saturday and it wasn't too bad...Not enough Da Vinci for my liking though, and Hanks' hair wasn't nearly as distracting as I had expected it to be...I'll have more to report later...

Update...Long Overdue...But Not Overly Meaningful...

2006-05-17T00:19:00.000-04:00

Hey Blogger Buddies.

Once again I have been a bit of a deadbeat Blogger lately...With the warmer weather around here these days, there's been a lot of stuff to do that doesn't involve a computer...(Hooray for the sunshine and the cute little outfits that some of the gals are starting to wear! Boo for the annoyingly slappy, flip-floppy shoes that come with the aforementioned "cute little outfits")...

It's been a little bit rainy the past few days though...There's nothing quite like going out for lunch when it's nice out and then getting caught in a torrential downpour on the way back. It's the best when the back of your pants stick to the back of your legs as they dry...Even better still, is when you come back looking like you just got deloused "Planet of the Apes"-style and some people will ask, "Is it raining out?"...To which we really should reply "No" and then sit down without another word about it...but we have to work with these people every day...I suppose we could tell them we were trying out that new gum, Trident Splash and got hit by a tidal wave...but it's nice out otherwise...(If you're not familiar with the ad, there's a bunch of folks waiting for a bus and then a guy shows up in a Speedo and pops a Trident Splash out of his blister pack...Then they're all hit by a tidal wave...It's that refreshing!)...

Anyway, once it was raining so hard after lunch that we stopped to seek shelter under one of the awnings of a downtown eatery. The buildings' gutters were filling up so fast that they were washing out onto the sidewalks...There were cigarette butts and used condoms and all manner of other filth surfing towards the street...All we could think was that one day a real rain would come...à la "Taxi Driver"..."Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets"...We're still waiting...Downtown is a real mess...

~oOo~

Check the Urban Dictionary's description of Bukakke if you're not familiar with the term...then click this for a nonsexual, nonsensical video that's kinda funny...(Kinda like that "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" video from a few years ago...which is kinda boring)...

~oOo~

There's some sad simian news to report...On Sunday a little monkey was killed by a sloth bear in a Dutch zoo to the horror of many zoo visitors. The bear then carried the monkey's body to a den where a group of bears ate the little fella...The link at the end of the article had too much traffic, so the guy who took pix of the whole ordeal is now charging a fee to view them...R.I.P., little guy...

~oOo~

I didn't want to leave you on a sad note, so I have a link to a game where you have to try to walk as far as you can without falling over, after a night of drinking...It seems pretty simple, but it can get quite addictive...(if you're the competitive type)...If you have a chance, see how far you can get the little German guy to walk...

That's all I've got at the moment...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Mostly Superman...

2006-05-08T23:06:00.000-04:00

Hey Folks.

I hope things are going well and that you have all your ducks in a row or whatever...

Until I watched Trailer 1 for "Superman Returns", I had never really considered the Superman as Christ angle...(I'm more of a Batman fan anyway...He's a self-made man, whereas Superman was born with his abilities and never really had to try that hard, in my opinion. I don't really wish to argue this point too extensively since I'm thirty-something...but if you prefer Superman, good for you)...So in the trailer, you can hear archival Brando narration as Jor-El..(or God maybe?)...Here's what he says:

Even though you’ve been raised as a human being, you are not one of them…They could be a great people, Kal-El …They wish to be…They only lack the light to show the way...For this reason above all…Their capacity for good…I have sent them you, my only son.

Interesting, huh? That's certainly something to think about, I guess... I did a quicky search and found a few related images...

But enough about that...Here's what could happen when the apes take over the DC Comics Universe...(It's an old one, but a personal favourite of mine...I recently found a shirt with this image printed on it! Which I think is kinda cool...if odd)...

So on Saturday we went to Chapters (book store) 'cause I wanted to get “In Me Own Words” the first in the Bigfoot series by Graham Roumieu…but alas, they didn’t have it in stock…So I browsed around at other books…Lasagna had to return something at a different store so I killed some time while I waited for her…Da Vinci mania is sweeping the nation these days due to “The Da Vinci Code” coming out on May 19…I'd like to see it, despite Tom Hanks' pathetic hair don't...It feels to me sorta like when you really like a band and then they become really popular…then everybody seems to like them and you feel somewhat let down…That’s kinda how I feel about all this Da Vinci hype…I’m glad that people are showing an interest in this great figure of human history, but there’s a part of me that was pleased to know about him when others didn’t…I guess that’s a selfish outlook, but that’s the way it is…It’s also weird when you think you’re a huge fan of a band and on your way to the concert you think…”Man I’m they’re biggest fan…ever…For sure” Then when you get there, you notice people dressed like the band or people with the band’s logo branded on their foreheads…and you think, “Maybe that guy’s more into them than I am”…

Anyway...as I was browsing for books of interest, I was near the Starbucks section of the store and could hear the person who would probably tell people that she's a "barista", I guess...calling out all these outrageously named coffee drinks...(In Spanish, barrista means gymnast on the horizontal bars...which is more interesting to me than making designer coffee for urban go-getters)...There have been lots of jokes related to "mocha-frappe-latte" and other such names...but after standing there for a few minutes, I began to get really angry at what's become of us...so I went to the magazine racks, where I found a few magazines of interest...I bought the recent issue of Adbusters and Lee's Toy Review...

In Lee's Toy Review, I spotted this pic that gave me a bit of a chuckle and is relevant to the whole Superman topic...

I ended up ordering "In Me Own Words" and "A Really Super Book About Squirrels" (which is illustrated by Roumieu) from amazon.ca when I got home...So that's the happy ending, I guess...

Hey! Look up in the sky!

It's a bird!

It's a plane!

It's Beppo the Super-Monkey!

Take care out there, folks!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Sierra Leone: Chimp Attack Update

2006-05-03T00:30:00.000-04:00

Hey Gang.

I hope all is well.

Just wanted to do a quick post about the recent chimp attack in Sierra Leone...

Apparently the fellow pictured bellow is an abnormally large chimp with aggression issues...His name is Bruno and he's reportedly about 6 feet tall and rage shaped like a chimp...

This is Gary Brown...He survived the attack and allegedly stopped Bruno from doing any further damage...Check out this interview, if you're interested...

In other news, Beatdogg and I were at a book store last week and were both captivated by this little gem...We each bought a copy...

"Me Write Book", by Graham Roumieu.

It's pure magic on a lot of levels...Maybe it's not for everyone, but Beatdogg and I found it to be a work of art! The drawings are great and the book is written from Bigfoot's perspective (if that's not clear from the title)...I can't say enough good stuff about it...It's raw and gruesome in places...but touching and laugh-out-loud funny at times...

So that's my book recommendation for this week...

Take care out there, people!

And for goodness sake avoid eye contact...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Time magazine has a list of the 100 People Who Shape the World...Note Howard Stern in there...

Update...It's Been Too Long...

2006-04-28T00:10:00.000-04:00

Hey Blog-a-maniacs!

Once again, I haven't been able to maintain a regular Blogging schedule...

I hope everybody's doing well out there......I've got a lot of catching up to do...again...

Things have been a bit tricky these days...I mean well, but I can't get to all the stuff I wanna do.

So what's been going on?

Hmmmm....

Well...how about another chimp attack?!? If you'd like more information, click this for another article...Yet another step toward the imminent ape uprising...(Thanks for the heads-up Gobbles and Beatdogg)...

In more simian news, I was given a tin of "Evil Monkey" chewing gum by a pal...

The tin I was given is shaped neater than the one pictured above, but
I'm too lazy to take a pic of it...I grabbed this one from the internet-a-ma-bob...

~~oOo~~

Jim Carrey's DNA and The UFC

Here's another thing that I've been keeping my eye on...There are two guys dominating the Ultimate Fighting Championship who kinda look a bit like funnyman Jim Carrey...I suspect some sort of genetic manipulation at play, but I have no proof yet...I've got a guy on the inside though (pictured below with Carrey)...

Below is the reigning UFC Middleweight Champion Rick Franklin...Can you see the resemblance? He's like a mesomorphic version of Mr. Carrey...Bigger, stronger, faster...

The heavyweight champ is Tim Silvia. He regained the title at the last UFC event a few weeks ago in a rather impressive fashion. He's more of an endomorphic version of Jim...with a touch of gigantism, at 6'8"...

Imagine, if you will, Jim Carrey taking a sip from one of Dr. Jekyll's infamous test tubes...Like Bugs...and Tweety...and Sylvester did in those great classic Warner Brothers cartoons...(pictured below)...

Anyway...check out more UFC action every Thursday night on SpikeTV...and the next Pay-Per-View event (UFC 60: HUGHES VS. GRACIE) is live on Saturday, May 24, 2006...

~~oOo~~

Thanks to my pal, Beatdogg for the link to this monkey punch video...

Beatdogg's also a huge Tool fan...He shared their latest album with me and mentioned a song called "Right In Two" that contains heavy monkey content...

"...Don't these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly old monkeys,
Wonders when you're bound to divide it...

...Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They make a club
And beat their brother..down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.
Repugnant IS THE CREATURE WHO WOULD SQUANDER THE ABILITY TO LIFT AN EYE TO HEAVEN CONSCIOUS OF THIS FLEETING TIME HERE
Cutting it all right in two..."

The song's pretty solid...Beats is gonna do a post about it...eventually...so stay tuned 'cause it'll be sweet, I'm sure...

~~oOo~~

And finally, my man Chico dropped by last Friday and the following pix are from a little impromptu photoshoot we did (Sorry ladies. Chico requested that I not post the nudes)...Note the "easy" button from Business Depot...It's my latest toy...(When you press it, it says: "That was easy!"...The more you do it, the funnier it is...Trust me. People seem to love this)...

Isn't he precious? All West Si-eede, 'n shit...

...and framed by an assortment of '70s deli meats...A variation on "The Timeless Art of Seduction" ...

So that's all I got for right now.

I'll try to keep regular...and post more...

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for those stars.

Take care out there!

'Til next time...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Post-Easter Post...

2006-04-17T16:24:00.000-04:00

Hey Gang.

I hope everybody had a nice weekend. Hopefully you didn’t eat too much chocolate…I got a cute chocolate Easter chimp a little while ago, but I can’t bring myself to eat him yet…(I’m sure late one night, I’ll get him when he’s not looking. It'll be quick and painless. I promise)…

I was watching "Dirty Work" on the weekend, starring the always funny Norm MacDonald and the great Artie Lange.

Sam (Artie) and Mitch (Norm).

Mitch: Everything’s falling apart…Sam, do you remember how things were when we were young?
Sam: Yeah, it was great.
Mitch: Yeah, it was. I mean…I felt good about myself back then. You know, if somebody messed with me, no problem. I didn’t take crap from anybody. Now I’m in my 30s, I can’t hold a job. I go out with women I don’t even like. Worst of all, I take crap from absolutely everybody. Ah well…Things could be worse. I could’ve got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore.

I feel that way some days...except for the job part and the woman part...but it could be worse, I suppose. I got something from a Saigon whore once, but a shot cleared that right up...

I also watched the UFC 59 on Saturday night...(www.sherdog.com if the link doesn't work)...

I’ve been thinking of fighting a lot lately…I’ve been watching “Fight Club” pretty regularly and the UFC is in full effect ~ with the series starting up again and Saturday night's big event…It's kinda cool that these guys aspire to get a career where they get to beat on people regularly. I can't even remember the last time I beat on someone mercilessly...It was so long ago that the circumstances and smells have faded in my mind. Sure I've had a few entanglements in recent years, but nothing that would qualify as a beating or a "fight"...I think there's a part of us that longs for violence...What Johnny Cash referred to as "The Beast in Me" ...

~~~oOo~~~

In other news, there’s this scene in Napoleon Dynamite:

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

Well, I received an e-mail the other day of pix of a liger. I decided to check with Snopes to see if such a beast exists…I had a feeling it didn’t, but the pix looked rather convincing…

According to Snopes, The word liger, documented as entering the English language in 1938, describes a real feline, the offspring of a male lion and a female tiger. (The opposite case, the offspring of a male tiger and a female lion, is known as a tigon.)

Maybe Battlecat was a Liger...Here's a handy breeding chart if you're interested...

More news from the jungle...

Thanks to Gobbles for mentioning Cheeta. I looked into it and found some interesting information.

Apparently, he's the world's oldest chimp and he now resides in a Primate Sanctuary where he lives a good life and paints...

I learned that chimpanzees rarely act beyond the age of ten because they become less manageable and less willing to follow directions. When the chimpanzees are retired, many of them are sold into biomedical research. [Wouldn’t it be cool if they did that with some of the modern “actors” we are forced to endure…singers too maybe, after 30]…Luckily Cheeta is flourishing in his surroundings...a bit like contemporary Tony Curtis...

Anyway, if you're interested in one of Cheeta's paintings, they're about $125 US and the proceeds go to the sanctuary. For a $25 donation, you get an autographed picture from Cheeta.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

IT'S LATE, BUT I WANTED TO POST SOMETHING...

2006-04-11T01:45:00.000-04:00

Hey Gang.

I hope that all is going well out there.

I just thought I'd mention that I really like the film "Se7en"...It's one of those movies that gets better for me each time I watch it...I took some shots with the subtitles on...(If you've never seen it, what the hell are you waiting for?!?...Just kidding....I know it's not for everybody....but it's for me!)...Enjoy!

On the ride to the final scene...

... followed by...

Then when John Doe has the upper hand...

Later, when it all gets fucked up...

So next time the shit hits the fan, why not yell out:

"HOLY CHRIST, SOMEBODY CALL SOMEBODY!"?

...It might be fun...

~~~

This week's ape feature took place on MTV's "Wild Boyz" ...where the fellas trained with performing chimps at a Russian circus...(It's old but I just saw it)...The chimps were pretty cool and talented...

If you should hear about some Russian chimp wrangler getting mauled and/or castrated, it's probably because of this...

...so he kinda has it coming...

~~~

Also, your pal and mine Howard Stern is featured in this week's Entertainment Weekly...If you click this, you can read it online...if you're so inclined...Some of what he said in the article has been taken out of context by some branches of the media, (which illustrates that reading comprehension is key in everyday life too...So stay in school kids)...But controversy sells newspapers and magazines and radio subscriptions, etc...Stern loves being in the spotlight and thrives on disputes and embroilments...So don't worry. He'll be OK...

I think that's it for now...

Thanks for all the comments, Blogger Buddies!

I'm gonna make my rounds as soon as I can...and maybe I can help Nicki with her current fixation...when I have more time that is...

Here are some stickers you might like in the meantime...

Anyway, I'll see you around Blogville.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I'll Be Back Soon...

2006-04-10T09:30:00.000-04:00

Forgive me Bloggers, for I have sinned...
It's been a week and a day since my last entry....

I'll be back though.

I've been pretty busy, but I can't discuss it, so don't ask...It's better for all concerned parties. Trust me...

Anyway, I hope you didn't miss me too much.

Thanks for all the comments and welcome to new visitors...
I'll have to make my rounds soon...

Take care out there!

Your Pal in the field.

Zambo.

P.S.
Check out some cool graffiti photos if you're bored...There are some neat chimps and gorillas in there too...

The Alphabetical Quiz...

2006-04-02T22:24:00.000-04:00

My pal Lingo Slinger had requested that I "participate in this little soul bearing exercise"...So i did. (Unfortunately Blogger wasn't allowing me to post images tonight. Every time I tried to post one, it would replace my whole entry with the image...So I've done this about three times now)...So here we go...

Accent: My parents have accents. They’re from “the old country”…I guess I’d sound 'Canadian' to people not from around here…but not exceedingly.

Booze of choice: I like rum. I also like the occasional beer and ice wine now and then.

Chore I hate: I don’t particularly enjoy mowing the lawn…

Dog or cat: Dog I guess. But they require a significant commitment. Cats are more independent and aloof. Sometimes I think we should get a cat, given that we’re not home very much. We have also discussed getting a few ferrets…

Essential electronics: laptop, TV, iPod mini, SIRIUS satellite radio, digital camera, scanner, drawing tablet…

Favorite perfume(s): I use Polo Sport...cologne.

Gold or Silver: white gold.

Hometown: I affectionately refer to it as "where dreams go to die"…(It's a nice place to grow up and a good place to retire...but in between it lacks that certain something)...It’s somewhere in the Niagara Region. My parents still live there.

Insomnia: Yup. I have trouble going to bed at a reasonable hour. I need to exhaust myself completely so I can sleep. Also, I have so little ‘me’ time during the week, that I stay up as long as possible. (I also sleep with the wireless headphones...This "All Stern All the Time" is like crack...I think I may have a problem)...

Job Title: Hmm…I work with computers. Will 'Corporate Cog' suffice? To head office, I am Number 063479...

Kids: Nope…We go through phases where it seems like a good idea to breed…then other times we see evil children and think it’s a bad idea…

Living Arrangement: Lasagna…and her Guinea Pig, Freddie.

Most admired trait: In myself: creativity, I guess. In others: reliability, humour, intelligence, courtesy.

Number of Sexual Partners: 17, 542. (Does anyone ever answer this one honestly? That's kinda personal. Shouldn't it be more about quality than quantity anyway?)...

Overnight Hospital Stays: my birth. That’s the only time, but I don’t remember it.

Phobias: Failure and death…(When I was younger, I was fearless...now I'm scared of a lot of things)...

Quote: a quote I remember from the fifth grade is: “The smallest good deed is better than the greatest of intentions.” It was posted in our class room and it has stuck with me...

Religion: No thank you.

Siblings: Negatory. (I had a foster brother very briefly, but that didn’t take. He was a bit unstable, so we had to return him).

Time I wake up: 6:00 am to listen to Stern…Then I get up at about 7:00.

Unusual talent/skill: I asked Lasagna and she said that artistic ability is an unusual talent...but I squander it quite nicely...She laughed...It's true, but it still hurts to hear her say it. I can also retain a lot of useless information...(it's just enough to annoy others, but not enough to make me employable because of it)...

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Hot peppers. (I don't see the point, really).

Worst habit: I have a lot of vices…Let’s go with procrastination…

X-rays: only dental ones...

Yummy foods I make: various egg-related concoctions, Cobb salad, apple strudel.

Zodiac sign: Gemini. (Unless you mean the serial killer guy…in that case, it’s a circle with a cross through it…Blogger won't allow images at the moment)...

Sorry I didn't go into too much detail, but Blogger wasn't being very useful tonight...

(I saw that Ms. L. did this one too, so I got "Q" and "X" from her)...

Uhh...I guess I'd better rest up for a whole new week. The cycle repeats itself. Killing time between weekends...My pal Beatdogg was so right when we were discussing how we spend most of our waking hours...He said "Evolution mocks us!"...So true...That's a good one for "Q" too...

Anyway, have a great week, everybody!

Talk to you soon.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Pre-order Your Copy of Maddox's new Book!

2006-03-31T00:39:00.000-05:00

Hey there.

If you don't know who Maddox is, he's really quite funny (if you're able to laugh at the stuff that we're not supposed to laugh at).

Check it out:

It's been described by Dan Berman as "So manly that even its sentences don't have periods"...

I've been asked to post something by my pal Lingo Slinger, so I will when I get more time.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
King Kong's available on DVD this week...as is the new Planet of the Apes: The Ultimate DVD Collection - With Ape Head Packaging ...

Tuesday's Gone With The Wind...

2006-03-28T23:25:00.000-05:00

Hello Fellow Bloggers.

I hope all is well out there.

I'll start with the lyrics to Green Day's "Burnout" from their bust-out hit album "Dookie"...

I declare I don't care no more
I'm burning up and out and Growing bored
In my smoked out boring room
My hair is shagging in my eyes
Dragging my feet to hit the Street tonight
To drive along these shit
Town lights

(Chorus)
I'm not growing up,
I'm just burning out
And I stepped in line
To walk amongst the Dead

Oh apathy has rained on me
Now I'm feeling like aSoggy dream
So close to drowning but
I don't mind

I've lived inside this mental cave
Throw my emotions in the grave
Hell, who needs them anyway?

Chorus 2 x

De-e-ead

(guitar and drum action)

Chorus 2 x

(This is loosely connected to the last post regarding professional burnout)...

Anyway...some guy who worked at our building died several months ago and I still don't know who he was...I thought I knew who it was, based on a vague description...but then I saw that guy smoking outside a few weeks later. I was glad to see he was still alive...(Sad to see him smoking though)...but I was a little frustrated at not knowing who had died...like I was disconnected from my surroundings or something...

I'm beginning to wonder what would happen if I dropped dead in my cubicle...

I think a conversation something like this would occur:

Person A: "Did you hear about that guy who died in his cubicle?"
Person B: "Which guy was it?"
Person A: "Hmmm...I'm not sure...but I'd know him to see him, I think...I heard he choked on a cupcake"...
Person B: "What's for lunch in the caf today?"

Then I think that I should be doing all the things I ever wanted to do...instead of wasting my time working this soul-crushing job at the yawn factory…

In "Fight Club" there's a pretty intense scene that always gets me thinking :

Narrator: [Tyler steers the car into the opposite lane and accelerates] What are you doing?
Tyler Durden: Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?
Steph: Paint a self-portrait.
The Mechanic: Build a house.
Tyler Durden: [to Narrator] And you?
Narrator: I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!
Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!
Tyler Durden: Not good enough.

Anyway...I'd like to end on a more chipper note...

(The link is to an audio file of the poem...It's a bit questionable for work or kids...you decide)...

Here's "The Candy Bar Poem" by one of my childhood heroes, John "Dr. Dirty" Valby...I have several of his records...

One PAYDAY, MR. GOODBAR wanted a BIT O' HONEY. So he took his Miss HERSHEY behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of 5th AVENUE and CLARK where he there began to feel her MOUNDS. And that was an ALMOND JOY which definitely made his TOOSIE ROLL. He let out a SNICKER as he slipped his BUTTERFINGER up her KIT KAT which of course caused the MILKY WAY. She screamed "OH, HENRY!" as she squeezed his PETER, PAUL and ZAGNUTS and said "You're better than the 3MUSKETEERS!"

And since I just learned that Chef's death scene has been removed by YouTube...here's a different link, minus the cool Darth Vader ending...Sorry.

So that's all for right now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Professional Burnout and Other Stuff...

2006-03-26T19:42:00.000-05:00

Hi gang.

I hope everybody had a great weekend. I'm getting ready for tonight's "Sopranos" episode. I hope something cool happens. We'll see...

So I was siting at my desk at work the other day and I was wondering if maybe I'm just plain burned out...So I looked it up online. I found a good link related to technical writers (and no...I'm not a technical writer) that started with:

Quick! Answer the following questions without putting a lot of thought into them. We want your instinctive, knee-jerk first response.

Do you enjoy going to work each day?
Are you excited about the projects you're working on?
Do you look for excuses to be late, leave early, or be off altogether?
Are you in a bad mood more often than not?
Do you feel like you have control over your job?
How long have you been feeling like this?

If you answered ……

"No"
"Not particularly"
"Yes"
"Yes"
"No"
"Can't even remember"

you may want to read the whole article called Dealing With Professional Burnout ...

I can totally relate to the constant interruptions and a continuous stream of last-minute projects given to you regardless of all the other projects and deadlines you're currently contending with (sometimes called “dump and run”) and how this can make an employee feel taken for granted.

So now that that's out of the way...

It would seem that Boston has a place known as "Monkey College" where little helper monkeys are trained to help folks with disabilities. My pal Beatdogg found this link and forwarded it to me. (Click the video if you have time. It's pretty cool). Has anyone seen George Romero's 1988 film "Monkey Shines"? It too was quite cool at the time...IMDb's plot summary as provided by David Carroll:

When Allan becomes a quadriplegic he loses all hope for living until he meets Ella - a monkey trained to fetch and carry for him around the house, obeying him in all things. But Ella is part of another experiment, and when she starts responding to Allan's underlying rage and frustration, she has the ability to carry ouy her master's darkest wishes.

(Pretty cool, huh?) I don't know if it has stood the test of time, but I remember really liking it when I first saw it, and on subsequent viewings...I looked for it today when I went to the mall, but couldn't find it...I may have to order it online...So, my video pick of the week is...

In other news, Peter Tamarkin, host of the game show "Press Your Luck" died along with his wife when their plane crashed a few weeks ago...I used to like that show. Remember the Whammies?

"No Whammies. No Whammies. Stop!"
"Oh no! A Whammy!"

Also, here's a link to the new Simpsons intro...with real actors as the animated family, if you're interested. (I think traffic's pretty high at the moment, but it should die down later)...

If that didn't work, try this one for the Scientology "South Park" episode that the Cruiser got Comedy Central not to re-air...and it seems to have led to Isaac Hayes quitting...

It's fairly old news, but I'm a bit behind these days...

Anyway, gotta go. "Sopranos" time soon!

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

This just in...If you wanna see how Chef dies on the show, click here. All I can say is amazing! Truly amazing! Thanks again to my man, Beatdogg. Best death scene ever!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICKI!

2006-03-25T00:01:00.000-05:00

From Zambo.

A New Post...

2006-03-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

Hello out there!

It's been a while since my last posting. I hope all is well!

"The Daily Show" recently did a story on the new methods of communication that we have at our disposal. The paradox of this communication technology is that it can connect us to people who are distant but it can separate us from those who are close to us, "creating new forms of social behaviour that blur the distinctions between online and real world interactions.”

My name is Zambo and I was a Blogaholic...For a while there, I was getting addicted to Blogsville, but lately I haven't had a lot of free time...

Anyway, we had Lasagna's niece stay over with us for the weekend and we went to Boston Pizza on Clifton Hill in Niagara Falls. We had pizza (Tropical Chicken) and then played games at the arcade in the basement. There were a lot of games that issue tickets which can be cashed in for various prizes. Normally, I like the first-person shooter games with the pseudo-realistic guns attached to them...but sadly they don't issue tickets. So I ended up playing this game where you drop a token into the slot and let it fall onto this spinning wheel. The object is to time it so that your token goes into a hole on the spinning wheel, thereby scoring 'bonus' points...So that game was like a ticket printing machine and we ended up getting enough tickets to cash in for Scooby-Doo (5000) seen below with a quarter on his nose to show scale...

Lasagna's niece got Scooby and we had enough tickets left over so I could get a monkey! (Seen on Scooby's neck below)...

Once we achieved our goal, the gals went on one of the rides there and I got to play Crisis Zone! (see below). It has a small machine gun and a foot pedal to reload and to hold up your shield...(in case you've never tried it)...The thing that sucks about this game though, is that when you clear all three levels the game is over and you can enter three initials...I came in sixth...Then the girls found me and we returned home to watch some "Looney Tunes".

Last night I noticed this episode summary...

Bart Has Two Mommies (HABF07)Airing: March 19thNed Flanders wins a new computer that features Susan Sarandon as the "You've Got Mail" voice and he offers it to Marge, as he has no use for it. In return, Marge babysits the Flanders children so that Ned can attend the Left-Handed Convention, where he meets New York Yankees pitcher Randy Johnson, who is selling left-handed teddy bears. With Marge spending so much time at The Flanders', Homer must look after Bart and Lisa. Homer takes the kids to an animal retirement home, but the trip goes awry when Toot-Toot the monkey pulls Bart into her cage and holds him hostage. Marge learns of the kidnapping when it is a breaking news report and she must figure out a way to get her son back.

It all ended up OK and the Chimp lady was reunited with her son, Mr. Teeny.

I enjoy "The War at Home" after "The Simpsons" ...

I also watched "Grey's Anatomy" and "The Sopranos" which were pretty good episodes...i wonder what's gonna happen with Tony.

Tonight the long-awaited return of "Prison Break" was on, followed by "The Apprentice" and then "24" ...Frankly, I'm spent. I got home at a few minutes to eight and managed to squeeze them all into my schedule as I got this post ready...I thought of an idea for a new show too (it's actually more of an SNL-type sketch). The basic idea is that it's a medical-type show, but the characters work exclusively on treating the casualties of "24" ...We never really get a chance to learn about the characters 'cause they're too busy treating victims and taking in bodies...It's just a thought...

Also, have you ever noticed that Paul Sr. from "American Chopper" bears a striking resemblance to The Cowardly Lion from "The Wizard of Oz"?

That's all for now.

I'll try to catch up with all my pals as soon as I can.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I've Been Tagged and I'm trying to Keep Up...

2006-03-15T23:27:00.000-05:00

Hey There.

[spoken]
Damn, a hard day's rockin'.
Better slip off ma shoes.
Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend.
Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby.
Slip out this book: The Buttress of Windsor.
Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?

[sung]

That's the first thin' I say to you.
How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin',
Man I'd like to place my hand
upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.
And squee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eeze!

That's the intro from "Double Team" , by the amazing Tenacious D (pictured below...Congratulations to Jack Black who recently got married).

So, my good pal, Ra, has tagged me...

Here we go...

Four jobs you have had in your life:

1. Dishwasher;
2. Go-cart guy;
3. Mural Painter;
4. Shipper/Receiver at a major Department Store.

...and of course my current job: I'm a whore of sorts...but most of us are in our own special way, I guess...

Four movies that you would watch over and over:

1. Fight Club;
2. The Silence of The Lambs (which becomes a comedy the more times you view it);
3. Full Metal Jacket;
4. Pulp Fiction.

Four places you have lived:

1. My parents' house;
2. University residence;
3. A condo;
4. My current house.
(All in Canada).

Four TV shows you love to watch, currently:

1. The Sopranos;
2. Lost;
3. American Chopper;
4. The Batman (animated series).

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. England;
2. Cape Cod;
3. Mexico;
4. Vancouver.

Four websites I visit daily:

1. Blogspot (you're soaking in it);
2. Dictionary.com (Spelling is the key to success);
3. IMDb ('cause movie trivia is better than work most of the time...I kid of course...it's better all the time);
4. What Would Tyler Durden Do? (Even though he apparently doesn't like Jack Black).

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Pasta (all sorts);
2. Meats (Pork and chicken in most forms);
3. Most stuff that has no nutritional value;
4. Hostess cupcakes lately...

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. My bed;
2. The pool (summer time);
3. Somewhere warm, where no one knows me;
4. 1984. (I know it's more of a time than a place)...

Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond...

I won't specifically tag anyone in particular...but if you have time and would like to do this, please do...If you've already done this one, you can link to that blog entry in my comments section, if you'd like...

I was fiddling with my drawing tablet when I got home tonight...This image reflects that sometimes an ape needs to be left alone with his wireless headphones and a Hostess cupcake...

The structure in the above image is the CN Tower in Toronto. Most guys take about three minutes to locate it in the following picture...(when there's no red arrow)...

I am going to try to visit all my Blogger pals soon...These past few weeks have been pretty tricky...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
The "South Park" guys will be on Letterman next...I like them.
Vin Diesel was just on, and he usually seems pretty impressed with himself...Possibly because according to IMDb somebody paid him $11.5 Million to do "The Chronicles of Riddick"...I guess I'd be a douche bag too...

Stern on Letterman Tonight!

2006-03-13T11:18:00.000-05:00

Hey Gang.

I hope everyone's doing their part to make the world a better place out there.

It's hard to be chipper when it's grey and rainy...but I'm trying, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard.

Anyway, I don't have much time to post right now, but I thought I'd mention that our pal Howard Stern will be on Letterman tonight to attack CBS' President Les Moonves (seen below with "Big Brother" host, Julie Chen)...who is suing Stern for for breach of contract and other nonsense...

My man in Amsterdam, Lo-Fi Samurai sent me this cool image...

Anyway, I'd better be on my way.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

I apologize in advance, but somebody sent me a pic as an e-mail attachment. The Subject was "Some idiot banged my car last night..." Now I've had some pretty bizarre thoughts over the years, but I don't think I would have ever thought of this one...All I can think to say is why? Let's say the guy's desperate...OK...but why the lingerie?

Maybe he liked that other "Crash" film...

Can You Dig It?

2006-03-07T22:58:00.000-05:00

Greetings Blogsters.

I hope all is as it should be where you are.

My George Carlin calendar had this to say last weekend, March 4th and 5th:

"Sometimes when you're burying a guy alive, for a moment or two you start feeling sorry for him. And then it passes, and you keep shoveling."

This idea reminds me of that movie "Shallow Grave" ...A pretty good film, overall...Which serves to remind us that the best way for three people to keep a secret is if two are dead...(If you were planning on seeing it and feel that I've maybe ruined it for you...well, I haven't...and it came out in 1994!)...

That's about all I have to say about that.

Side Note:

As I was typing this, Jon Stewart just ran a clip that wasn't used at the Oscars...it was anti-King Kong and about how simian actors could potentially be replaced by CG (Computer-Generated) characters...The montage was allegedly paid for by PAAM (People Afraid of Angry Monkeys) ...He went on to mention the potential of a monkey uprising.

What do you think of that?

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

If you're bored, try this maze. See if you can identify the song at the end...It's sorta low so maybe turn up the volume...if you're interested.

This Week in Simians

2006-03-05T19:43:00.000-05:00

Greetings Ape Fans!

I've been noticing lots of simian references these days...

The Oscar pre-show I was just watching did a video montage of apes in film...Unfortunately, they don't have the video on their site, but they have the list of clips they played...

Monkey Business

KING KONG (2005)
KING KONG (1933)
THE JUNGLE BOOK (1967)
EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE (1978)
JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (2001)
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE LACK PEARL (2003)
THE CIRCUS (1928)
PLANET OF THE APES (2001)
PLANET OF THE APES (1968)
ALADDIN (1992)
GORILLAS IN THE MIST (1988)
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
MONKEY BONE (2001)
GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE (1997)
DR. DOOLITTLE (1998)
GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF TARZAN (1984)
BUDDY (1997)
MONKEY BUSINESS (1952)
ZOOLANDER (2001)
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
MIGHTY JOE YOUNG (1998)
DR. DOOLITTLE (1998)
TARZAN AND HIS MATE (1934)
WIZARD OF OZ (1939)
BEDTIME FOR BONZO (1951)
ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE (1994)
CABARET (1972)
JUMANJI (1995)
EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE (1978)
KING KONG (2005)

Letterman had a few monkey references that I noticed last week...

Top 10 H&R Block Excuses...They messed up and were off by $32 Million on their own accounting...

Number 5. "Were testing the world's first accounting monkey"...

Also, if you go to this link, click on The 2006 Monkey Calling Champion(3/1/06)...It's pretty bizarre...but funny...

Then, I was catching up on the always entertaining and informative "What Would Tyler Durden Do?"

Anyway, there were two Jessica Simpson articles that had simian references...(He loves Jessica Simpson, by the way)...

The first one mocks Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine who is/was allegedly dating Jessica...

"...I would trust Adam Levine to rock about as much as I would trust a monkey in a cowboy suit to herd my cattle."

The second one mocks Jessica's ex-husband, Nick Lachey...

"...I would hardly consider cheating on Nick Lachey a character flaw. He looks like a caveman who found a bowflex and more people were killed by gorillas last year than bought a Nick Lachey album."

(These statistics shall change once the ape uprising is in full effect)...

Anyway, that's about it for tonight...Last night's UFC event was pretty good...USA vs. Canada...I was a bit disappointed in David Loiseau's performance, but at least he went the distance...He looked a bit like a mutant in "Total Recall" by the end...(Rich Franklin broke his hand on his face)...

Loiseau (left) being dominated by the Jim Carrey-looking Rich "Ace" Franklin.

In other stuff to report, my buddy Beatdoggie directed me to this link containing the ads for Volkswagen...So funny...Like a German Ali G, unpimpin' rides...

Anyway, I'm gonna try to sit through the Oscars to see how it goes...My folks came over for lunch today and we watched "Walk The Line" and they really enjoyed it...(Lasagna and I bought it yesterday...along with my new SIRIUS Sportster Replay Boombox)...

(It's pretty sweet!)

So...in closing I'd like to ask that you please hug a simian today. You'll both feel better.

(And you might be spared when they take over)...

Take care out there!

Good night and good luck...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-03-02T00:08:00.000-05:00

Hello Out There!

I hope that all is well.

I thought I' d do a post of some stuff that has come up these days...

Apparently the highly addictive online game, "BOOKWORM" does not acknowledge "FUCKER" as a word...Oh well...What can you do?

I have watched "Interview With Orson Welles" (1960) several times in the last few months on the Independent Film Channel (IFC). I really like this guy. He's flawed, but he's smart and entertaining. I think that Brain from "Pinky and the Brain" is based on him...

I took the following pix of my TV while I watched the show...I hope you like them...

Here's a link to an outtake from a wine commercial (you'll have to scroll down a bit)...There's also a great radio ad out there, where he goes all prima donna on the engineer...They used to play it on Stern's show a lot...I will look for it when I have more time. (If you manage to find it, it's quite funny)...

Anyway, here's this week in fruit:

Fig Newtons:

It would seem that this is the most popular form of the fig in North America...

But I have noticed that not a lot of folks know much about...

Fresh Figs:

I grew up eating fresh figs, and I really enjoy them. They're one of my favourite fruits...Here's a shot of my pops' tree from last summer. (Some figs are purple and some are green...He grows the purple ones)...

The past few times we've gone shopping, I've been fortunate enough to find cases of figs! So last weekend I bought a case for my folks and one for myself (Lasagna doesn't like them as much as I do, so she says I should enjoy them)...

Bananas:

We also got some bananas. They were "Dole"...but they had another sticker on them this time...

Why it's Curious George! I guess it must be because the movie's out now...

Anyway, that's about it for the moment... By the time I got all these pix loaded and this thing all set up, it's now 1:00am...So I'd better get some rest. Big day tomorrow. Gonna take over the world...

So remember to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Not Much Time Lately...

2006-02-28T17:22:00.000-05:00

Hi Blogger Buddies!

Once I find a way out of this...I'll be posting more regularly...

Talk to you soon (I hope)...

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

Captain Oreo,

My initial response would be to choose invisibility...then to hide in the lab where they're making the time machine…then sneak onto it as needed. This is a rather sneaky response, I know…but the hypothetical question did not exclude this option. If, however, I wasn’t allowed to do this for whatever reason, then I think I’d choose the time travel and check out “the good old days” everybody’s always talking about…(I would prefer to do this while invisible though, so as not to affect history…and/or be killed. I guess I'd need to get shots too...I could be bringing back modern bacteria or other such stuff)…

Could one travel in time more than once or would one be ‘stranded’ in whatever era one chose to visit? It seems pretty tricky in the great film "12 Monkeys"...

Take care out there!

What Made Howard Stern Cry?

2006-02-24T00:48:00.000-05:00

Hey Gang.

I hope all is well.

This is just going to be a short entry...It's getting late...

It would seem that a book made Howard Stern cry. Normally, he would have us believe that he’s incapable of feeling for another human being. He often makes fun of athletes and actors who happen to cry in a public situation. If it's captured on video or in audio format, he will make fun of it endlessly. He’s mocked retiring athletes such as Mike Schmidt and Mark Messier. He’s also made fun of Jon Stewart and Jimmy Kimmel because they cried while filming their respective programs. I think Stewart cried while discussing 9/11 and Kimmel cried when John Ritter died.
(Sadly most men are socialized to bottle up their feelings and to lash out at other men who 'slip' and show emotion or other forms of perceived 'weakness')...

Mike Schmidt (in case it's not obvious)...

Mark Messier...

Jon Stewart...

Jimmy Kimmel...

So I have to admit that it came as quite a shock to hear Stern admit that he was reading a book and that he started to cry. He happened to be traveling in an airplane that was experiencing turbulence at the time. The flight attendant asked him if everything was OK. He tried to explain that it was the book and she apparently rolled her eyes and pretended to believe him...It seemed that she thought he was scared the plane was gonna crash...

Anyway, the book is called "Marley & Me : Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog" ...(So it wasn't a human being that he was crying about). I guess the book is about relationships with those around you. Stern wrote a nice note to the author, John Grogan, to thank him for writing such a touching book. Surprisingly, no one made fun of Stern for revealing this.

Sometimes it takes courage to show your emotions and to be vulnerable...(especially in a room full of unforgiving guys with a history of being mean-spirited)...

That's it for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
They did a roast for Ralph a few weeks ago (and re-aired it on Presidents' Day) and they did one for Ronnie The Limo Driver yesterday. Quite funny! Artie was awesome yesterday! What a great way to start the day. Today Jon Stewart and Roger Ebert were on. They went without doing a commercial for well over an hour.

Post For A Monday Night

2006-02-20T22:20:00.000-05:00

Hello out there!

Hopefully all is going well in your neck of the woods.

I went to a wedding last summer and the newlyweds left during the reception. To consummate their vows, I suppose. (Even though they’d been living together for like five years)…They called it something…can’t recall what…I asked my cousin the cop…He was out having a smoke and I went with him when the newlyweds came out. We jokingly asked where the hell they were going... They said, "We’re ------ing. It’s a tradition." They hopped in a limo and were gone. I looked at my cousin and asked what they said that was called. He said, “That’s fuckin’ bullshit is what that is.” He looked all serious when he said it, and I burst out laughing. We both laughed for a while. He seemed offended by this alleged 'tradition' in some way…but I said, "At least we get to leave now. " I’m the optimistic type sometimes.

My cousin is a pretty cool guy. He always wanted to be a police officer growing up. Since I'm an only child, he was like my older brother. We were together almost every day when we were kids. Once, when a tooth was loose, he took me behind the garage and punched it out for me. We used to play with guns and ride our bikes off ramps. We had cool toys and broke most of them together. There was one toy called Pulsar. He was allegedly indestructible...We managed to destroy him eventually! (Thanks to our dads' tools).

These days, I'm the proud godfather of his cute little daughter. (My cousin's, not Pulsar's). I promised that even though I'm not a religious guy, I will do what's best for her, should the need arise....hopefully it won't.

It's weird the different paths we take as we travel along in our lives. My cuz, 'the fuzz,' recently told me a story about how he had to pull his gun on a guy. We went to school with this fellow growing up, but he took a wrong path somewhere along the line...Anyway, my cousin had his gun aimed at the guy's chest 'cause he was brandishing a baseball bat and kept edging closer. He conveyed to me that he would have dropped this guy without remorse if he didn't stop when told to...and I believe him. Luckily, the guy realized it too and put the bat down. My cousin gave him fair warning and had the trigger pulled to the point where the next click would be lights out for bat boy (to call him Batman, even in jest, is an insult to the dedication it took Bruce Wayne to become Batman)...

My cuz is a pretty tough guy, but I know the little boy that grew up with me is in there too...It's still kinda weird that he woulda killed that guy no problem. The other day at my job, I almost got a pretty bad paper cut clearing a jam in one of the copiers...and then I got out of my chair pretty quickly and got a bit of a head rush...

Anyway...it's time for a...

Pop Quiz, Hotshot!

I saw this quiz on Poody's blog and then on beadinggalinms' blog.

Apparently I'm like Wesley Crusher according to the quiz.

A brilliant learner with a knack for almost everything, you choose to spend your efforts in the pursuit of travels that extend your own potential.

I'd better be on my way now, partners.

My main man, Beatdogg told me about this nonsense Henry Rollins had to deal with. Old Hank hates cops, but I think he'd like my cousin. (Cops made fun of Henry when his best friend was murdered, and joked that they were lovers)...If you're a Rollins fan or into freedom, then this might piss you off a bit...

Henry Rollins is Not an Islamist (click title for source article)

A paranoid passenger seated next to former Black Flag frontman Henry Rollins got nervous on a flight to Brisbane when he saw the rocker reading “Jihad: The Rise of Militant Islam in Central Asia”, a book about Islamic fundamentalists. The passenger contacted the authorities after the plane landed and Henry is now being investigated by the Australian government.

“Days later I received an e-mail from a woman who I guess figured out who I was and found me,” Rollins told PAGE SIX after his spoken-word show at Town Hall the other night. “I had been named a ‘person of interest.’ Basically, they get calls like this every five minutes, and I’m probably on the ‘who cares’ list, in that they’ll probably let me into the country again. But the fact that this guy could be that ignorant and call me in on this for a book . . . I was angry. Because of the fact that the guy wouldn’t confront me. I like confrontation. If I’ve offended you, let me know. Don’t call it in and not leave your name. I just think it’s pretty weak.”

Henry Rollins has several books and CDs out there. Personally, I like his spoken word and his books more than his music. He was also in the films "Johnny Mnemonic" , "Heat" and "Lost Highway"...

Beatdogg and I saw him do a spoken word performance in Waterloo (Ontario, Canada) and he changed our lives...for a few minutes anyway...

So remember to eat your vitamins and you too can be big and strong like Henry.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

2006-02-17T23:52:00.000-05:00

Hello out there.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Just in case you didn’t read the comments from the last post, that annoying prick who plays the Scottish spokesperson for Keith’s beer is in trouble…

For the past few mornings, while listening to the Stern show, there’s been an ad with an actor doing a bad Scottish brogue…I was thinking about addressing this phenomenon in a future post. I didn’t realize that today would be the day…(Thanks for the info, 8th Dwarf!)…

Basically, when Disney’s “Aladdin” came out, an Arab-American anti-defamation group came forward to express that the depiction of Arabs in the film was offensive in some way…Then, when “The Sopranos” came out, some Italian-Americans were less than pleased with the depiction of Italians as mobsters and thugs…Then there was “The Passion of the Christ” that upset some members of the Jewish community…There are a bunch of strange ads (in Canada at least) that depict Scots as raving maniacs with really shitty accents…My question is why don’t people of Scottish descent come forth and demand that there lineage not be ridiculed in this manner? Well, yesterday it was announced that the fuckwad who plays the “unruly Scot” in TV ads for Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale is in big trouble.

Check out the Toronto Star article for full details. It would seem that this guy was allegedly caught with a lot of child pornography. But there’s a positive side to this rather unfortunate situation:

“…the brewer was surprised to learn of the charges and has decided not to run any future television commercials featuring this actor until this information is confirmed….If it is confirmed that this is the actor in question, our commercials and further association with him will be terminated"…

I’m sorry to hear about the circumstances and I commiserate with all those affected…but I am overjoyed at the idea of not having to experience this guy’s nonsense any further…Apparently wishes can come true…

In other news, the consistently impressive and often hilarious Tyler Durden reported about Bruce Willis standing up for James Frey and speaking out against the great and powerful Oprah:

"Look at what happened to James Frey in the last two weeks. That's a great book and so is the follow-up book. And just because his publisher chose to say that these were memoirs, it took it out of being a work of fiction, a great work of fiction and very well-written, to this guy having to go be sucker-punched on 'Oprah' by one of the most powerful women in television just to grind her own ax about it. Hey, Oprah, You had President Clinton on your show, and if this [bleep] didn't lie about a couple of things, I'm going to set myself on fire right now."

There’s more in the link…Pretty ballsy of old Bruce, huh? I thought so when my pal Beatdogg directed me to Tyler Durden Wednesday. Thanks, Beatdogg. Anyway, yesterday on Stern, it was mentioned that Bruce did a bit of back-peddling…He said that he believes that Oprah does a lot of good for a lot of people…and that her book club is ‘important’…Et tu Brucey? I guess his publicist got to him or something…Oh well…

G. Gordon Liddy was on Stern yesterday morning with his son, who is a former Navy Seal…They discussed how Liddy had suggested the possibility of ‘neutralizing’ a columnist named Jack Anderson during the Nixon years…Some of the ideas:
Putting LSD on the handle of his car door…too random;
Aspirin Roulette: where they’d gain access to his medicine cabinet, then slip a cyanide pill into his aspirin bottle...this was also unpredictable and could take out the wrong person;
Another method was to ram his car on the traffic circle (on his studied, regular route to work) thereby flipping his vehicle and (ideally) killing him…
These methods don’t seem overly precise or guaranteed to render the target dead…but it’s still good to know that people are plotting the deaths (advocating an assassination) of others behind closed doors for the perceived greater good…

They joked about how close that guy came to being taken out and didn’t that maybe seem a bit extreme? Artie sarcastically chimed in with, “The man was exercising his right to free speech!”

Some random stuff:

There's a web site devoted to getting some unfortunate soul named Wade laid...check out GETWADELAID for more info. You can donate some cash so he can go to the Bunny Ranch, if you're feeling generous...

There's a DVD out there designed to give you company when you're drinking alone. It's called "Drinking with Steve" . It's basically a guy drinking on his couch to keep you company while you get loaded...

I was wondering what percentage of people who are anti-abortionists are in favour of capital punishment...I'm not really sure if there's a good way to quantify this information. I found this link and it seems to raise a few interesting points...

Willie Nelson recently released a song about gay cowboys. It was written a long time ago, but nobody wanted to touch it. Since gay is the new straight, and "Brokeback Mountain" is all the rage at the moment... "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)" made its debut on the Stern show on Tuesday...Mammas, it's OK to let your babies grow up to be cowboys...

Did you know that there's a film out there called "ATM City"? (ATM stands for Ass To Mouth...To quote Gary from the Stern show, "That's unhealthy"). The following link leads to a site that refers to the film and there are some pornographic images...So if you're not interested or find this kinda stuff gross or offensive, DON'T CLICK THIS link. (If curiosity got the better of you and you clicked it, and now you regret it...Don't blame me)...There are other great titles out there like "Interracial Hole Stretchers" and "Swallow My Pride" ...I'm not linking to these though...I was reminded of a scene from "Clerks" as Stern discussed some adult film titles a while ago...

Here's the "Clerks" scene:

[Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for?
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy...
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?

Are you still with me? Good...

My last random bit of info is "Survivor" -oriented. I liked the challenges last night. They still manage to keep it interesting each time. Anyway, there are some alleged nude pix of host Jeff Probst out there. This link is to a site that leads to them, if you're interested. If that's really him, then good for him. (The reason I 'had to' look these up was that a while back, it was all over the news for a few days...and some of the ladies at work insisted that I locate these pix for them...'cause they're not too internet savvy...So I found the pix fairly easily and made the mistake of telling one of the gals. Soon, there was a crowd of ladies crowding my cubicle to look at pix of a naked guy's junk. This experience was somewhat nightmarish. This one lady, let's call her Agnes, shocked the hell out of me. She took one look and cried, "Holy shit! Imagine sucking on that thing after it's been in your butt!" ~ She's apparently a big "ATM City" fan. Anyway, if you're wondering why I was looking this up at work...I'm not too sure...Like I said before, I can't seem to say no to people...If you're thinking of using this to get me fired, then let me thank you in advance...If I was to do something like this again, I would probably do it at someone else's workstation, then walk away as folks begin to swarm)...

Here's something funny, if I haven't lost you yet:
If you're ever bored, check out Monk E-Mail! It's minutes of fun!

Hopefully the content of this post didn't upset too many folks.
(Maybe I'm overcompensating for the roses and guinea pigs of the last one).

I think that should just about do it for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Victim of Love...

2006-02-15T00:28:00.000-05:00

Hey gang.

If you've ever been in a studio audience during the taping of a show, you will notice that you'll laugh more than you would if you were in your living room watching it on TV...You just get caught up in the moment...Anyway, Lasagna and I agreed that we were OK with the dinner and the stuff we already got for each other. But today after work I thought I'd get her some flowers...despite the clichéd foolishness of it all. I was fully aware of the silliness of buying flowers today, but I let the moment get the better of me. I went to a flower shop that I go to from time to time...there was quite the line up, but I thought I'd join the other 'assholes' and embrace the consumer that lurks just below the surface (it's in all of us, I suppose...plus, I don't care what people say, girls like getting nice flowers...maybe not 'all' girls...but I knew Lasagna was working late tonight and not feeling so great lately)...

Anyway, I got her some roses and a little Beanie Baby Guinea Pig named Twitch. Since she loves ours so much...

Our Guinea Pig, Freddie is on the left...with Twitch on the right
and the roses...(We already had the cool vase)...

Lasagna liked the little surprise...and then she got me a beer...

That's all for now.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

We were playing with baby ferrets at a pet shop on the weekend. They were totally cute. We discussed getting two in the not-too-distant future...I still have a multi-level cage...somewhere...

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T09:48:00.000-05:00

Hi There.

I hope you're doing OK out there.

Lasagna and I had a fun weekend together. We had a nice dinner and watched "Just Like Heaven" (for her...it was OK ~ for a girl movie) and I got Howard Stern's "Private Parts" on DVD at the grocery store for $7.88!...I only had it on tape and was thinking about the upgrade...That was my movie pick. She liked it too, but said not to think that meant that she would listen to the radio show with me...(She doesn't like the way folks with diminished mental capacities are depicted on the show...and the treatment of women...So we agree to disagree. I don't like "The O.C." and "C.S.I." and she doesn't 'make me' watch them)...

Anyway, here's George Carlin's Valentine's Day entry on the calendar:

Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news.

It's a good idea...in theory...

Stern's show has been hilarious lately! Yesterday, resident pervert Richard Christy got a Brazilian wax job in his swim suit areas...Amazingly funny to listen to! Like a guy getting tasered...Check out more info on Stern's site, if you're interested...

Today they had a gal named Valentina Vaughn (in honour of Valentine's Day) and she's apparently a lot of fun...but I wouldn't refer to her as 'the marrying type'...if I had to categorize her...The following is a link to her site, but it's not suitable for work, or anyone under 18, I guess...valentinavaughn.com

That's it for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

I Shall Return...

2006-02-13T00:15:00.000-05:00

Hey gang.

Hopefully all is well where you are.

I haven't had a lot of time to visit Blogsville lately, but I'll be back soon.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

It's Gettin' Kinda Hectic

2006-02-08T11:52:00.000-05:00

Hello out there!

I hope that all is well.

It's been so busy lately! Not much time to do fun stuff. Some people are able to extricate themselves from situations that they don't want to be in...I'm more the "Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!" type of guy. I can't seem to say no or to turn people away if they ask me for help...Basically, I worked all day Monday and then helped some University students with a project from 6pm to 12:30am (through work sort of)...I don't mind helping people, but I'm pretty tired...I missed "24"...I recorded it, but when I started watching it last night I passed out on the couch...

It’s day three for Stern’s official ‘visit’ to Canada. I say ‘visit’ because it’s only a matter of time before they drop his show again. There’s already a woman doing her best to get rid of him. She was featured on “Howard 100 News” on Monday saying that although it’s a pay service, the material is illegal in Canada…so she’s not sure why they’d allow him back on our airwaves. Holy shit! I wonder if this woman’s got anything better to do. Maybe help her community or something.

Today’s show was quite amazing. First they had Fred “The Elephant Boy” stop by for a visit. Then, they played “What’s My Secret?”…Basically a muscular guy came in. He had many tattoos, and he had a shaved head and handlebar mustache. Howard went first and asked if he was gay. The guy said no. Then Robin figured it out right away, saying that the guy used to be a woman. This was pretty shocking to everyone else. They asked a whole bunch of questions and it turns out that 'he', though legally sexually reassigned, still has a vagina. Cool huh? As it turns out ‘his’ name is Buck Angel, and ‘he’ is an adult film star. Howard contested that the vagina means that ‘he’ is still a woman. There was a brief exchange about that…Apparently Buck was a hot female model before the transformation. Howard said, “What a waste”…Then, Howard mentioned that since the female equipment was still intact, why not get Buck on the Sybian? And so another amazing radio program came to be. Buck mounted and they finally found Gary to operate the remote (he's always lurking nearby when it's a hot girl). He increased the speed and rotation until it got to 100%...maximum thrust…So Buck got off (both ways), and 'he' squirted! Some guys in the studio were going to throw up…Go to Howard Stern’s site for a pic (it’s censored…there’s no actual nudity on his site ‘cause it’s free access, I guess). Click this (it’s uncensored) if you’re having trouble staying awake at night…It may haunt you…It’s unsettling at the very least…Man, I was cracking up in the car on the way to work. It was so funny! They apologized to Buck, because they didn’t mean to be rude, but ‘he’ said it’s understandable…‘He’s’ an unusual specimen, to say the least.

Yesterday, Artie cracked me up. He’s gained a bit of weight and he’s sporting a big mustache…He said that this new look says, “I dare you to fuck me!” (His girlfriend, Dana, is apparently really nice and cute. She’s a teacher)…

They also discussed best drunken moments yesterday...Artie was the champ...He's had some good ones.

So the lessons here:

Find your niche, even if it means sexual reassignment.
Drinking excessively and an unkempt appearance are recipes for great moments of comedy.

(I'll be visiting all my pals' blogs tonight hopefully. Thanks for the comments!).

That's all for now.

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
Spider Walk,
I'm not sure if I'll be posting a picture of myself any time soon...But you'll have to keep dropping by in case I change my mind...(I wonder if your idea of me is anything like the 'real' me)...

Another Long Post...(Sorry)

2006-02-05T22:03:00.000-05:00

Hello everybody!

If you tried to access Blogger any time yesterday, you probably experienced all sorts of difficulties. It would seem that Blogger was down and I checked on Google to see what was going on… It seems that “significant hardware trouble” was to blame…

I hope that everyone was able to re-group and sort things out. I noticed that some of the blogs I visit regularly were doing funny things while I was able to access them…mostly comment numbers not corresponding with actual number of comments and I even saw a post disappear that was there earlier (Sherry’s)…

Your Money’s No Good Here

A brief glimpse into the future…Yesterday I took my car in for an oil change…While I was waiting, I did some shopping…I went back to get the car, but it wasn’t ready yet…This was Canadian Tire by the way…(A sorta lesser version of Home Depot with a better automotive section)…Anyway, I decided that I’d buy some more stuff while I was waiting…Then there was a power surge and the lights flickered. Emergency generators kicked in, but all registers were down and the sales associates were scrambling to hand-write receipts using pricing guns to scan the merch. I was going to pay using debit (Interac)…but no dice! I did have an emergency supply of US funds in my pocket and I asked one of the ladies who was frantically scanning and writing out receipts if they would take American money. She told me that she didn’t see why not…Hardly comforting…So I took my receipt and waited in line…I had a feeling it wasn’t gonna work out, but I tried to be positive…So I waited my turn, while people were scrambling as though under attack and trying to reload in time…I finally got to the register and told the pretty young lady with the nose ring that I had US funds…She looked stunned. She asked a “lifer” (who seemed grumbly) if they could take US funds. She grunted or something…as if she was amused, yet disgusted simultaneously… “We barely even have cash registers!” was all she said. The pretty girl apologized. She said I could leave the stuff I was gonna buy on the counter. I went to see how the old guy in Automotive was doing with my car…by the time I got to the other end of the store, they had regained full power, Interac and all. So I waited a few more minutes and then he called my name. I paid by Interac and went out to my car. Then I went back in and asked another cashier if everything was restored. She said yes, so I grabbed the stuff from the other counter and purchased it…Something similar happened once at the university library when all the computers went down. I was borrowing about 15 books at the time (this was before the internet had all the answers)…All hell broke loose…The library folks were busy writing out reference numbers and sweating…I think when the machines fail, we’re gonna be well and truly fucked…for a while at least…

In Other News

In the real world, Al "Grandpa Munster" Lewis died, Richie and Heather are splitsville...so are Lance and Sheryl...Mick Jagger is in better shape than I am...Paris Hilton's diaries are for sale...

Speaking of spoiled little bitches, apparently Jack Osbourne is an adrenaline junkie...Really? That's weird, 'cause he just seems like a lazy, doughy arrogant little man-child…with a rich dad...I can’t believe he actually beat a trained tai boxer…I wonder how much they paid the guy to take a dive…

I wrote the following when they re-aired Oprah's first interview with James Frey over the holidays, but didn't post it at the time because I thought it seemed petty and negative...So I filed it away:

Let’s make this loser who has lived his whole life up until now in a hedonistic fashion (under the guise of “addiction”) a millionaire…because he wrote about it and because Oprah says it’s OK…Fuck overcoming adversity. What about the guy who works hard his whole life for a fuckin’ watch? In all seriousness: Fuck you, James Frey.

If only I’d have fucked up my life so bad that I had “hit rock bottom”…then written about it, instead of trying to live up to expectations and “succeed”…maybe I could be Oprah’s sweetheart of the week too. It’s so funny because she mentioned how she’s so glad she chose the book because it’s “changing so many lives” and the online message board is being filled with comments…Way to go, O! You’re so great!

Frey had Oprah up all night though. I don't know if even Steadman can make that claim...

Look for James’ upcoming book, “How I Squandered My Million Little Dollars” …You’d like to think that he wrote the book to help others…but as he says, he’s not a good person…It’s like people hearing a song that they think was written for them…Like the guy in “Imagine” asking John Lennon if he wrote songs for him [I referenced this in an earlier post already]…We watch this James Frey guy visiting a woman in rehab, Sandy, and she says she’s never experienced someone who knows exactly what she’s going through…Perhaps I’m just jealous. Maybe I wanna be Oprah’s Best Selling sweetheart too. She could take me under her enormous wing…But sadly I’ve spent the better part of my years in college and university…then working…and all that other shit people are trained to do…[I know: Wah! Poor me…I said it was negative and petty]…

So the lesson here kids, is to fuck everything up. Do all the wrong things, hang with the wrong crowd, drop out of school, do drugs…The key is to stay alive and turn things around. Redemption; overcoming adversity…and remorse…definitely remorse. People seem to love talking about how they’ve been victimized or how they had to overcome some terrible situation.

Then there was the Larry King interview…Oprah made the call to back Frey in his time of need…According to the big O despite the small percentage of the book’s details that were inaccurate, the message was what really mattered…

Then I guess her lawyers or someone got to her and told her to do a “Tear the Ass Outta James Frey” show. Better than a clip show, I guess. I didn’t see the follow-up interview, but I got the rundown from a few sources…Oprah didn’t want to give the impression that the truth doesn’t matter. After all her reputation is on the line.

Oprah: I think you presented a false person.
Audience: (Applauds as though something important has occurred).

Under interrogation regarding the alleged root canals without novacaine:
James Frey:I’ve struggled with the idea of it…
Oprah: No. The lie of it!
Audience: (Thunderous applause).

This story has turned into the tale of how some bum who can spin a good yarn made The Great and Powerful Oprah look bad. “It’s difficult to talk to you because I really feel duped!” Poor rich Oprah...

I wonder if she’s still glad she chose him…
If you haven’t tired of reading about this guy and want to read some funny stuff, check out Jay Pinkerton’s Contested Pieces from Frey Memoir.

Anyway...I certainly did go on and on there...Sorry.

Valentine's Day

So Valentine's Day is fast approaching...What's everybody got planned? Personally, I find it hard to outdo some of the stuff I've done in the past. There's a guy I know who always gets annoyed whenever I do something nice for Lasagna. (I don't really go around telling people that stuff, but he always asks). He's the kind of guy that complains all the time and actually says the word "Sigh" more than anyone really should...I think he thinks that his wife will somehow find out and expect him to do more...I think that we should be nice all the time and not just wait for these consumer holidays to do nice stuff for people...(Yet I still go overboard at Christmas and Valentine's Day for some reason)...

If you've read this far...thanks.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.

The UFC was pretty good.

Here Comes The Sun

2006-02-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

Today’s tidbit from my George Carlin “Thought of the Day” calendar:

I’ve begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It’s there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There’s no mystery, no one asks for money, I don’t have to dress up, and there’s no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to “God” are answered at about the same 50-percent rate.

It’s something to think about.

I heard that someone is in the process of suing James Frey for about $10 Million for time invested in reading his book (and other made up nonsense like pain and suffering, hurt feelings, perennial victimization, a sense of entitlement to something not earned, etc.). So some guy e-mailed Howard Stern about how he’s going to sue the publishers of The Bible for a ridiculous amount of money…His argument was that he was led to believe that it was true his whole life and now he realizes that it’s fictional. (This guy was kidding though)...

Good luck to both of them anyway.

Thank the sun, or God, or whatever...it’s Friday!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
There's a UFC event tomorrow! Hooray for guys beating the hell out of eachother!

What Car Are You?

2006-02-01T22:52:00.000-05:00

Well hello there.

I hope that you're doing well.

First I'd like to take a moment to thank my pal Ms. L for connecting me to a lot of my new blogger pals. I have seen a lot of my new Blogsville chums as a direct result of Ms. L's comments sections.

Now, I'd like to say that my new pal Kimber had a post called "If I was an Autobot..." that triggered all kinds of ideas just after I read it and tried it...

I was immediately reminded of the time when Homer Simpson designed that impractical car and did the voice-over for the ad:

"All my life I have searched for a car that feels a certain way ... powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball."

So below is what mine came up with:

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

I did a few modifications to the image though...

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz if you're interested...

While I was looking for the above quote, I happened upon the following site:

T.V. Monkeys: Monkeys on "The Simpsons"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In other news, Stern's guests today were Jenna Jameson and Diddy...

Diddy was promoting a new cologne...(boring)...he followed Jenna, and was thoroughly impressed with what went down...

Jenna revealed that she had a little girl-on-girl action with the lovely Jenny McCarthy in Las Vegas...

Jenny had some sort of leakage in the tickle chair when she was on Stern's old show on September 23, 2005. (At the time she struck me as the sort of girl who'd be "Woo Hooing" the whole time she was banging the entire football team...a real "Girls Gone Wild" type)...

Anyway, Jenna was the first to use The Sybian...a product designed to please a woman sexually...that was given to Howard for his birthday last month. She kept her panties on though and there was no penetration, but it did the trick...Jenna mentioned that she's not into "degradation" (and I wonder if she's had sex with less people than Madonna to get to where she is today...possibly...if you just paused, then that's a testament to Madonna's...let's say... "looseness").

A photo from the Howard Stern site.

Diddy summed things up quite nicely by saying that it was, "A great day in radio and television history."

I would tend to agree. It's a difficult task to make five hours of talk radio per day interesting, yet Howard and his crew manage to do this most of the time.

That's all for now.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Um...Yeah...

2006-02-01T00:48:00.000-05:00

Hello out there.

I hope that all is well wherever you are.

There was this post I was working on...but I decided to scrap it...

I wasn't going to post anything at all...but I've been seeing these things around lately and I didn't really know what to make of them:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Zambo!

Zambo is the last letter of the Greek alphabet.
The average human spends about 30 days during their life in zambo!
Zambo is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field.
The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only zambo!
American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating zambo from each salad served in first class!
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are zambo.
If you blow out all the candles on zambo with one breath, your wish will come true!
There are more than two hundred different kinds of zambo.
Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of zambo.
Zambo is born white; his pink feathers are caused by pigments in his typical diet of shrimp.

So I entered "Zambo" and selected "him"...

Try it if you're interested. (Numbers 2 and 3 sound very uncomfortable...only numbers 7 and 10 are true, by the way)...

Did you know that there's a film from 1937 called "Sher-e-Jungle"? (It's also known as "Zambo the Apeman"~ A scientist transforms an ape-like monster into a man who begins to behave like Tarzan)...I've never seen it, but it sounds like it's not that good.

Dictionary.com describes zambo as \Zam"bo\, n.; pl. Zambos. [See Sambo.] The child of a mulatto and a negro; also, the child of an Indian and a negro; colloquially or humorously, a negro; a sambo.

Interesting...

I remember there was a question about the definition on a Social Studies test in the fifth grade and a girl wrote "The boy who sits three seats behind me"...The teacher, Mrs. S, told the class because the girl, Carol A., tried to change her answer when we got the tests back. Mrs. S said that she laughed about that answer with her husband the night before and that Carol should take her seat and be quiet. I'm pretty sure Mrs. S must be dead by now. She was pretty old, even then.

R.I.P. Mrs. S.

As for Carol, I can only hope that she married a rich guy who's soft in the head... All the best, Carol.

That's it for now.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

NEWS FLASH!

Howard Stern reported to be returning to Canadian airwaves
February 6, 2006.
Only a month late...Good thing I went through all that shit to get illegal satellite!
(I'd do it again though)...

Work is For Suckers & My Soundtrack Posting

2006-01-28T15:27:00.000-05:00

Hey Gang.

I hope all is well.

Oh month end reports…why do you interrupt my dreams and make my stomach hurt? Why do I travel so far and work so hard at a job that I don’t even want or like anymore? I like the people, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this…I guess it could always be worse…But that’s hardly comforting.

It’s weird how I can watch films like “Office Space” or “American Beauty” or “Fight Club”…where some working stiff suddenly decides he’s had enough. That’s it. He tells the boss to shove it and somehow manages to get away with it…(for the short term at least)…Wouldn’t it be nice to start again? What would you change? Some people say they have no regrets…I’ve heard (and often said) that a life without regrets is a life half lived…Learning from our mistakes so we’re not condemned to repeat them…blah, blah, blah…There’s that “Star Trek: The Next Generation” episode where Captain Picard wonders what his life might have been if he had done “what he was supposed to do”…(whatever that is)…Long story short, his life woulda been shit…small fish, large pond…etc…Sometimes I think I watch too much TV and too many movies and read too much...Maybe I should plan something that's not so passive and escapist...What about a real adventure!?! Oh wait..."Mars Attacks! " is on TV...I'll just post this...and then I'll do something exciting and/or meaningful...(I probably won't)...

It’s weird that going in to work and not having someone waiting to “pick my brain” or seeing my phone flashing because of countless messages that demand immediate attention puts me at ease somehow…Also it’s nice to open my work e-mail and to not have a bunch of stuff in there that…you guessed it…requires immediate action…Sometimes the little things help get you through the day…

But it's the weekend! Though most of it has already been planned, I have some time to rant here...

As for this Keeks’ soundtrack idea…I have been thinking about it a lot...Just for the record...I am not a rock. I am not an island. Isn't it weird how we can feel such a strong connection to lyrics written by some one else? Though most of us understand that some of these songs are written about universal truths and/or the human condition...there are still guys like that fellow in "Imagine" who was puzzled that John Lennon didn't write the songs "specifically for him"...Lennon invited him in for a meal anyway...

There are probably a lot more songs that could fit in here, but I'll try to keep it relatively brief...

When I was a kid…

Wouldn't It Be Nice ~ The Beach Boys

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

Then, when testosterone and reason battled it out inside of me…

Going To Pasalcqua ~ Green Day

Here we go again, Infatuation touches me
just when I thought that it would end

Oh but then again
it seems much more than that
but I'm not sure exactly what you're thinking
Well I toss and turn all night
Thinking of your ways of affection
But to find that it's not different at all

Will I throw away my past mistakes
And contemplate my future?
That's when I say...
What the hey!
Would it last forever?
You and I together,
hand and hand
We run away
(far away)

I'm in for nasty weather
But I'll take whatever
you can give that comes my way
(far away)
…
(Repeat)

Some of the higher education years…

School Of Fish ~ Three Strange Days

For three strange days
I had no obligations
My mind was a blur
I did not know what to do
And I think I lost myself
When I lost my motivation
Now I'm walking 'round the city
Just waiting to come to For three strange

...

I've got to make it through
No matter what it takes
Oh I've got to make it through
These strange days

I lay down for a while
And I woke up on the ocean
Floating on my back
And staring at the gray
It was completely still
Except the pounding of my heart
Bringing me back to life
From three strange days …

I remember listening to the next record ("Breakfast in America") with my cousin in his parents' basement when we were little. I liked the song, but the lyrics didn’t really seem to matter at the time. Now they seem to sum things up so well…quite brilliantly, really.

The Logical Song ~ Supertramp

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.

But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable!

At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

When I’m bummed out or angry (not Pantera angry, mind you), I tend to like listening to a sad song that explodes into the chorus…

F.O.D. ~ Green Day

(The part when it goes from calm to angry)
…

you're just a fuck
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck
I’m taking pride
in telling you to fuck off and die

I've had this burning in my guts now for so long
my belly's aching now to say
I've taken pleasure in the masochistic youth
so listen up cause you might miss...

You're just…
a fuck…
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck
I’m taking pride
in telling you to fuck off and die

good night…

Dead Horse ~ Guns N' Roses

Sick of this life
Not that you'd care
I'm not the only one
with whom these feelings I share

Nobody understands,
quite why we're here
We're searchin' for answers
That never appear

But maybe if I looked real hard I'd
I'd see you’re tryin' too
To understand this life,
That we're all goin' through

Then when she said she was gonna like wreck my car...I didn't know what to do

(Chorus:)
Sometimes I feel like I'm beatin' a dead horse
And I don't know why you'd be bringin' me down
I'd like to think that our love's worth a tad more
It may sound funny but you'd think by now
I'd be smilin'
I guess some things never change
Never change

I met an old cowboy
I saw the look in his eyes
Somethin' tells me he's been here before 'cause
experience makes you wise

I was only a small child
When the thought first came to me
That I'm a son of a gun
and the gun of a son that
brought back the devil in me

(Chorus)

It may sound funny but you'd think by now
I'd be smilin'
I guess some things never change
Never change

I ain't quite what you'd call an old soul
Still wet behind the ears
I been around this track a couple o' times
But now the dust is startin' to clear

Oh yeah!!!

(Chorus)

Sick of this life
Not that you'd care
I'm not the only one
With whom these feelings I share

Then there are those times when I feel like an old man with a misdirected sense of entitlement…(not impotent yet though)…

The Grouch ~ Green Day

I was a young boy that had big plans
Now I'm just another shitty old man
I don't have fun and I hate everything
This world owes me so fuck you

Glory days don't mean shit to me
I drank a six pack of apathy
Life's a bitch and so am I
The world owes me so fuck you

Wasted youth and a fistful of ideas
I had a young and optimistic point of view
Wasted youth and a fistful of ideas
I had a young and optimistic point of view

I've decomposed yet my gut's getting fat
Oh my God, I'm turning out like my Dad
I'm always rude, I've a bad attitude
The world owes me so fuck you

The wife's a nag and the kid’s fucking up
I don't have sex 'cause I can't get it up
I'm just a grouch sitting on the couch
The world owes me so fuck you

This is one of those song that reflects how you can see a guy who’s down on his luck and you wonder if that could be you one day…Great song. Great lyrics.

Android ~ Green Day

Hey old man in woman's shoes
I wonder if he knows I think he's crazy
When he was young did he have dreams
of wearing woman's shoes And being crazy

It's makes me wonder when
I grow to be that age
Will I be walking down the street
Begging for your spare change
Or will I grow that old?
Will I still be around?
The way I carry on
I'll end up six feet underground
And waste away...

When the old man was in school
Did the golden rule make him go crazy
Or did he hide away from hopes
Behind a smile and smoking dope
It's crazy

It seems so frightening
Time passes by like lightning
Before you know it you’re struck down

I always waste my time on
My chemical emotions
It keeps my head spinning around

Waste away.

I often try to start the day by listening to the next song…either before work (but Stern usually takes that slot…and now that his commercial breaks are shorter, there isn’t much time to sneak it in) or it’s the first song I play once I get to work…on my iPod mini…It's just a lovely song that can always pick up my spirits…

Here Comes The Sun ~ The Beatles

Here comes the sun,
here comes the sun,
And I say
it’s all right.

Little darling
it’s been a long cold lonely winter,
Little darling
it feels like years since it’s been here.

Here comes the sun,
here comes the sun,
And I say
it’s all right.

Little darling
the smiles returning to their faces,
Little darling
it seems like it’s years since it’s been here,

Here comes the sun,
here comes the sun,
And I say
it’s all right.

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes. (4 Times)

Little darling
I feel that ice is slowly melting,
Little darling
it seems like years since it’s been clear

Here comes the sun,
here comes the sun,
It’s all right,
it’s all right.

This next song is just great any old time. I think I could listen to it repeating all day…for about 3 days in a row maybe…

She Came In Through the Bathroom Window ~ The Beatles

Oh look out
She came in through the bathroom window,
Protected by a silver spoon
But now she sucks her thumb and wonders
By the banks of her own lagoon

Didn’t anybody tell her
Didn’t anybody see
Sunday’s on the phone to Monday
Tuesday’s on the phone to me.

She said she’d always been a dancer
She worked at fifteen clubs a day
And though she thought I knew the answer
Well I knew I could not say.
And so I quit the police department
And got myself a steady job
And though she tried her best to help me
She could steal but she could not rob.

This one also just kinda sums things up quite nicely…

In My Life ~ The Beatles

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed,
Some forever, not for better,
Some have gone and some remain.

All these places had their moments,
With lovers and friends I still can recall,
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I’ve loved them all.

But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compares with you,
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more.

This one’s like the updated equivalent…

Good Riddance (Time of your Life) ~ Green Day

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf
of Good health and good time

Tattoos of memories
And dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
It was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable

But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

And this one for Lasagna…(except the remote control part)…

Grow Old With You ~ Adam Sandler

I wanna make you smile
whenever you're sad
Carry you around
when you're arthritis is bad

Oh all I wanna do
is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine
when your tummy aches
Build you a fire
if the furnace breaks

Oh, it could be so nice
growing old with you

I'll miss you
kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
I'll even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes
in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed
when you've had too much to drink

Oh, I could be the man
who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

As for my funeral, It could probably be

Another One Bites the Dust ~ Queen

...

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone
and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

...

Anyway, I hope that didn't suck too badly...I tried to think of songs that would capture the mood of the periods in my life (as I recall them)...To be honest, at this point in my life, I could have gone with all Beatles stuff or all Green Day and still formed a pretty good list...But this is as concise as I get...I was thinking of just using "The Logical Song"...It sums up life in a nutshell.

Future Posts:
I am also planning a big post on that James Frey guy...Oprah took him apart the other day and I'd like to comment on it a bit ...while it's still somewhat relevant...But that's another story for another time...

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

P.S.
I'm just looking in my iTunes Library and there are so many songs that could apply to the soundtrack of my life...Though I deviated from your format, I hope that was OK, Keeks.

I'm "It" Again...

2006-01-26T00:44:00.000-05:00

Greetings Tag Fans!

My pal Sherry has tagged me.

This one’s about guilty pleasures…I wanted to ensure that I did this right, so I searched on the web for a good definition of “Guilty Pleasures”. This guy, Dean, had a pretty good explanation. The thing about it is that one should sort of be embarrassed by the item, as it may be perceived as “…lowbrow, or unintelligent, or uncool.” I’m not sure if I’d say that I’m overly embarrassed of much of the stuff that I’m into…That being said…without further ado…Here are the ones I’ll share…

TV ~ The sheer amount of television that I watch is alarming and, I suppose, somewhat embarrassing…If I could, I would watch TV all the time (movies too)…I’d never leave the house if I didn’t “have to”…I love to watch most Reality TV stuff…largely to see how people’s true nature still comes through…even though they know they’re being observed…I also enjoy watching “24”…I shouldn’t, but it’s just so darn exhilarating! Highly improbable scenarios are wedged into a 24 hour period…Jack Bauer’s the only one who you’re pretty sure won’t die…but eventually, he might get smoked…It’s what they call “crack TV”…
Baked Goods…Banana Chocolate chip cake in particular…Chocolaty baked goods…Oh baked goods…Why must you taunt me so?
Howard Stern…there are a lot of people who don’t get why I like the show so much…I challenge anyone to name a better interviewer. I am not really embarrassed about it, but I do find myself often having to defend myself for liking it. A lot of the ladies I know claim that they wouldn’t have guessed that a fellow as sophisticated, enlightened and classy as myself would enjoy The Howard Stern Show…
UFC Events ~ I enjoy ordering Pay-per-view Ultimate Fighting Events and inviting pals over to watch. We talk shit and eat unhealthy foods and drink unhealthy drinks…while we watch grown men beat each other into submission or unconsciousness. It’s great fun!
Laptop ~ Spending any free time I may have at home using my laptop…while watching TV…I suspect that my sperm may be further damaged in some way because of this…Said laptop is used for all sorts of things…some productive and others not-so-much…

I have pre-tagged Nicki for this one…
Beatdogg said he’d do it too…
I’ll see if Keeks and Gobbles are up for it too…
How about Stringman?
Are you up for another tag, gang?

(My good pal Keeks had a pretty cool idea for the soundtrack of your life. I will be doing it very soon, but you’re invited to check it out and say “hi” to Keeks…if you’re interested. Once I get this latest tag done and post some of my recent thoughts, I’ll be all over that)…

There’s a lot of Stern news to report…His interview with Martha Stewart’s daughter Alexis the other day was great! She answered pretty much all of his questions.

Yesterday they played some clips from the Adult Video News Awards…a highlight from that was when host Craig Fitzsimmons said:

I hear they’re about to recognize “Best Double Anal Scene”…Listen, any woman who’s willing to put two dicks in her asshole…Give her a plaque! Give ‘em all a plaque! I’m married now…so I’m lucky to get single vaginal.

Anyway, there’s a guy’s site where he transcribes each Stern show…if you’re interested.

I saw “The Aristocrats” last night…(Not to be confused with Disney's "The Aristocats"...That would be a huge mistake!). Maybe I'll post more details when I have more time…I think that I had built it up so much that I was mildly disappointed at first…but it’s quite funny… I used to watch A&E’s “An Evening at the Improv” every night when I was younger…So I recognized many of the less popular comics in the film…There’s some dry stuff, as can be expected when comedy is being discussed…Why is that? Sometimes people try to break down why stuff is funny…that’s not funny…But I recommend it if you like filthy humour…and the discussion of it…

Basically the joke is about a family act that goes to an agent’s office to try to get him to book them…Then you throw in as many filthy and disgusting acts as you can…then the joke ends with the agent asking what the act’s called…the answer: The Aristocrats! Ta da!

This one guy I’ve never seen before cracked me up with almost everything he said…Writer/Producer Dana Gould…

Some people, when they tell it, really focus on the fecal matter. Other people really focus on the incest. And, to me, in my own personal life…those two are rarely, if ever separate.

Buy it or rent it today!!!

That’s it for now.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Out of the Loop...

2006-01-24T13:01:00.000-05:00

Hi kids.

I hope that all is well.

I've been out of the loop for a few days. Lots has been going on...

So it would appear that my pal Spider Walk has tagged me.

I'm on my lunch...so this is gonna be a quick and dirty post. (Coincidentally, it's a sex-related tag)...

The rules: The tagged victim lists 8 different points of their perfect lover/partner, mentioning the sex of said partner.

Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on a post letting them know they've been tagged.

If tagged before, no need to contribute.

Target of My Perfect Partner:

Sex: Female

Clean (hygienic and preferably no seedy past/baggage if possible);
"Dirty" (as in sexually open-minded...naughty might be a better term);
Attentive (as in supportive and generous);
Confident (independent and self-assured...not arrogant...that gets old fast);
Quiet (honest and communicative, but aware of when to stop talking);
Sense of humour (If she's not that funny, she should at least be able to "get" my lame jokes);
Sleazy...Demure (see "Total Recall");
Sex appeal or at the very least cuteness (let's face it, it's important...even though it does fade).

There. I think that's all.

I would like the following people to do this too (If you don't have a blog set up, then you can do it in my comments section):

Beatdogg
Gobbles
Keeks
S*
Ra
Stringman
Mel
8th Dwarf (no fixed address)
Captain Oreo (no fixed address)
Chico (no fixed address)

If you break this chain, then horrible things shall befall you and your loved ones...
(Not really...but it might be fun to do)...

If I didn't list you and you would like to do this, please feel free...as I suspect some of my pals won't take it seriously...or even do it at all...

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Update

2006-01-18T22:41:00.000-05:00

Hello there.

Do you ever have those days where you just don’t want anyone to talk to you? Yeah…Me too. Today was one of those days. I just wanna go to work, do the work that I had planned on doing, then go straight home and not have to talk to anybody. Billy on “Six Feet Under” mentioned in one episode that “Clothes don’t feel right today”…Of course, he was off his meds and walking around in his tighty-whiteys when he said this…but I knew exactly what he meant. Interaction just doesn’t feel right today…But I guess most of us have to do it. We go through the niceties and the courtesies…but sometimes it is a problem and no I don’t have time to help you and get the fuck away from me! Anyway, it was almost 5pm when I wrote this and I think I managed to do one of the things that I had intended to get done today. I have a rather lengthy “to do” list, but I guess that’ll have to wait…It seems that I’m constantly re-prioritizing my “primary action items” and not really getting things done. I really should just let go or push back and only do what I can do, given the constraints offered with each job I receive…but I have this nagging inner voice that tells me to do everything right…or at least to the best of my abilities…whether it’s a $1 job or a job worth thousands of dollars to the corporation…Needless to say, I think need a new job…We played the lottery today…our little office group…I’m pretty sure we won’t win…we never seem to win…but if we don’t play, then there’s no chance…no hope, right? One could argue for either side of this, I guess…

That’s my rant for the moment. Let’s move on…

I saw that “Ocean’s Twelve” was on one of the movie channels the other day and I watched some of it. I found myself once again drawn to the lovely Catherine Zeta-Jones…uh…Douglas…I remember the first time I saw her in that Zorro movie and I marveled at her beauty. Anyway…Now when I look at her, I still think she’s quite pretty, but the fact that she’s with Michael “Old Enough To Be Her Father” Douglas…I feel kinda grossed out. I picture him climbing all over her with that “Basic Instinct” ass and I start to feel a bit queasy…Don’t get me wrong…He’s a pretty good actor and I’ve enjoyed his work over the years (“The Game” and “Falling Down” and “Traffic” are some of my favourites…Even those “Romancing the Stone” films)…and I don’t blame him…He’s a lucky man and he’ll have someone around to change his diaper in the next few years…I know all about “you’re only as young as you feel” and all that other crap about age not mattering… It just doesn’t look right to see them together…Anyway, all the best to them and their kids…hopefully he lives to see them graduate...from kindergarten. He'll be 62 this year! He and Catherine share the same birthday... September 25…but 25 years apart...

“Lost” was on tonight. It was a pretty good episode…There’s a war a-brewin’… Evangeline Lilly is another true beauty…yet now when I look at her, I think of that hobbit, Dominic Monaghan all over her…and again, I don’t feel too good about it…maybe I have some sort of problem…or maybe I'm jealous or superficial or whatever...but it just seems so wrong in the natural order of things.

Ewww.

The Pitt-Jolie romance thing, though over-exposed, seems more in keeping with the way things "should be"…in our vapid, shallow world.

The DaVinci Code

Tom Hanks seems, to me, a horrible casting choice to play Robert Langdon in “The DaVinci Code” ...His fake hair looks all wrong and in the book, Langdon is described as looking like a younger Harrison Ford...He's supposed to be a swimmer who catches the ladies' eye...Hanks with his fake mullet hair weave thing is laughable. I would think that most women would describe Hanks as "nice" rather than "handsome" or even "hot"...unless he was all sweaty...then people might say, "I think he's hot"...Also, his son is a hack.

Stern Update

If anybody's interested, the Stern show revelations are listed below:

I cheated on my wife and she caught me... SCOTT
I once hid in a bathroom closet and pleasured myself when my family members went to the bathroom... SAL
In the last year, I got a girl pregnant and had to pay for her abortion... RICHARD
I think I'm addicted to porn - I jerk off twice a day and prefer to masturbate than have real sex... JASON
I have spent well over $10,000 on internet porn... JD
My buddy and I once ordered massage girls to our hotel room, but they ripped us off and we were left staring at each other in our underwear... GARY
I have pleasured myself with meat and vegetables... ROBIN
I have a half-sister I've never met and don't want to... FRED
I've had cosmetic surgery... HOWARD
A guy once blew his load on my chest... ARTIE
I once had my stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning and when I woke up in the hospital, an acquaintance of the same sex was fondling my genitals... BENJY

Though many of these were pretty lame and the explanations were somewhat disappointing, it was truly captivating radio.

Scott’s story was pretty good.
Sal’s was predictable and further proves that he should be institutionalized.
Richard used this sad story to explain that he broke through the condom with his large penis.
It was determined that Jason has just lost interest in his girlfriend.
They turned JD’s somewhat boring revelation into a more interesting one…he likes those webcam sites, where you tell the girl what to do…one story involved a girl, a dog and peanut butter…I think I’ve said enough.
Gary’s was boring.
Robin was totally embarrassed and felt that many of the other revelations sucked. Songs and gags have since been written to mock her…
Fred’s hurt him…but it wasn’t a very good revelation.
Howard’s was kinda obvious…Robin was really pissed at him.
Artie had a pretty great orgy story…
Nobody wanted to hear Benjy’s story.

Today former super model Rachel Hunter refused to appear on the show and walked off. Howard totally flipped out, yelling “Who the hell does she think she is?!?” and other things that I won’t mention…(The “C” word got used a bit).
Oh…and former mobster and “Goodfella” Henry Hill called in and it appears that he was drugged and ass-raped on video.

Catch Stern in the new issue of “Esquire” if you’re interested. There are some pretty good articles in it, but the Stern stuff is pretty much a rehashing of stuff that fans have already heard ad nauseam.

King Kong is on the cover of the current “Rolling Stone” and there’s a little piece on Billie Joe from Green Day in there too.

“The Aristocrats” comes out next week. I have been waiting to see it for quite some time now. I think it’s gonna be a keeper.

That’s about it for now..

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

MLK Jr.'s B-Day

2006-01-15T22:06:00.000-05:00

Hello out there.

Our pals in the US have the day off tomorow. Though it's Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday today, the holiday is observed on the third Monday of January each year.

I would like to think that we all know at least a little bit about Dr. King, his famous speech and his contributions to the "exceptional advancement of the principles of human liberty." (If not, and you would like to know more, click the links above).

He won the 1964 Nobel Peace Prize, and in 1965 the American Jewish Committee presented Dr. King with the American Liberties Medallion.

U2 wrote the song "Pride (In the Name of Love)" as a tribute to Dr. King and his work. (But the song contains a historical error...the first line of the last chorus ~ which references Dr. King's assassination ~ reads "Early morning, April 4/Shot rings out in the Memphis sky"...but Dr. King was killed shortly after 6 PM - early evening. U2 glory hound/leader Bono admits he "screwed up" when writing the lyrics...and now performs the song live with the correction. Nice work, Bono. Thanks for putting forth some effort).

(The above information was condensed from the Wikipedia entry for Dr. King ~ click first link above for more information).

Anyway, maybe we should take a moment to consider how far we've come or haven't come since the day Dr. King gave his "I had a dream" speech.

(1 minute later).

I would like to think that he might have seen the humour in the Stern billboard that was taken down in Chicago...but I guess we'll never know...

That's all for now.

Take care out there.

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Recent Ape Sitings and Other Pictures

2006-01-13T23:14:00.000-05:00

Hello Again...

I was just going through some of the digital pictures I've taken recently (and not so recently) and thought I'd grab a few to post...

The breathtaking Evangeline Lilly was just on "Jimmy Kimmel Live", and I'm also listening to today's Stern show on my new wireless headphones...(I feel like I should be wearing roller skates with these things)...

Anyway, the first picture is of this apartment building in Niagara Falls that we drove by during the holidays...It was pretty well-decorated considering they had to co-ordinate all the units...Anyone who's ever lived in a condo and tried to organize anything will tell you how difficult it can be most times...

Our next series of pix is of one of my all-time favourite houses...This place just screams "Fuck You!" when you look at it. I can only speculate that the owner doesn't care what others think...and I admire that. If you're facing this house, the neighbour's yard to the left is so well-maintained and tidy...The mean part of me finds this to be so funny. I wouldn't want this guy as my neighbour, but that doesn't mean I can't laugh a the poor hump who has to live next door to him...

This was a drive-by shoot, approaching from the right...There's a narrow path up the middle of the heaps of trash that I assume leads to the front door. Pretty sweet, huh?

Ape Sighting ~ "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

Below is a series of pix from the film where the little girl is holding up a Dr. Zaius "action figure", while her sister opens up a Spider-man toy...

Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius...
He's still in frame...
Then he's gone...

Chimp-Ts ~ "King Kong - Peter Jackson's Production Diaries" (2005)

I know it's a giant gorilla movie, but Andy "Kong/Lumpy" Serkis is wearing a T-shirt with a chimp as Che Guevara on it...

I thought it was pretty cool...
I didn't realize that poinsettias were shrubs (tree-like) until I saw my mom's...

She's also got an orange tree in her sunroom...
Oh...and here's a pic from "The Family Guy" where the monkey fell on that luckless Japanese guy...(8th Dwarf referred to it a while back...I took a pic of the TV)...
I think that's it for right now...
Take care out there.
Your Pal,
Zambo.

Finally Friday!

2006-01-13T16:54:00.000-05:00

Hello out there in Blogsville.

Hopefully all is well where you are.

Though I realize that time is a constant, this week seemed to last forever. (I even had Monday off!) Admittedly, I haven't been getting much sleep and Lasagna told me that she believes that I would probably choose Stern over her...(I guess I shouldn't have paused to think about it). I guess I'm a bit obsessed with the Stern show on satellite. It's still fresh and I want to hear as much as possible...Plus he's got 24 hour programming on two channels...

I intentionally didn't mention Stern in my last post because I don't want to be like those people on "Survivor" who win a feast and then come back and tell the others how good it was...Perhaps some folks couldn't get it and don't want to hear about it...But maybe some of you who don't have it would like updates...Maybe some people don't even care...I should probably shift my focus to something more productive...

I have a couple of ideas for entertaining posts that I will try to work on this weekend...
We here at Zambocorp have always tried to put quality first...and apes...always apes...

So stay loose and keep limber 'cause you never know what's around the corner.

Until we meet again...

Your Pal,

Zambo.